Character Rebellion
by Musicookie
Summary: What happens when the characters of a fanfiction rebel against their author? Hilarity happens.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

-------------------------------------------------

"But I don't want to run after her. Do you see that? That's gravel. I'm barefoot."

Musicookie sighed. "Inuyasha, it's not my fault you don't wear shoes. Just jump over the gravel, alright? Let's continue with the story."

_Kagome ran to the well, frantic to reach it before he could catch her. _

_The chase was on. _

_"Kagome, get back here!" Inuyasha called. He suddenly slowed his pace as he hobbled barefoot over the pointy little rocks that littered the ground. _

_He hopped up and down, holding his feet and saying, "Ow, ow, ow." Inuyasha leapt to a grassy patch and gave a sigh of relief. _

"Inuyasha! Catch her!" Musicookie began chucking nearby objects at him. This included a drink coaster, pens, a mouse, a printer, and a mug of green tea.

"Hey! Ok, ok, I'm going!"

_Inuyasha leapt through the trees, hurtling from branch to branch. Kagome was almost at the well. Inuyasha landed neatly in front of her, crossing his arms and barring her way. _

_"Inuyasha, I can't miss this. It's an exam! Did you know this exam is 20% of my grade?"_

_"We'll miss the chance to get jewel shards before Naraku does."_

_"If I fail this exam, I fail the class. I'll have to repeat the 9th grade!"_

_Inuyasha grabbed her wrist and began pulling her away from the well._

_Kagome began to say "Ss-"_

_Inuyasha flinched._

_"Somewhere, over the rainbow way up high..." Kagome sang._

Musicookie held her head in her hands. "Kagome, what are you doing?"

Kagome smiled sweetly. "Well, I don't think you utilize my talents enough. As I just demonstrated, I am a very good singer. Why haven't you ever let me sing in your fanfics, Musicookie?"

"The situation has never called for it."

"Well, you're the author. You can _make_ the situation require singing," Kagome pleaded.

Musicookie ran her fingers through her hair. "How about this, Kagome. I'll think it over later, and maybe I'll rewrite this part of the story."

Kagome smiled.

"As for now, I need to write the next scene. You two are dismissed."

Inuyasha and Kagome stepped to the side.

Musicookie called Sesshomaru, Rin, Jaken, and Ah-Un. With a few pitter-patters of the keyboard, Musicookie wrote a new scene: a meadow, filled with azalea shrubs and lit with bright sunlight.

_Rin skipped around through the flowers. She picked a handful of the nicest looking flowers and walked to Sesshomaru. _

_"Lord Sesshomaru, I picked these flowers for you. They smell so nice!"_

_Sesshomaru stopped walking and surveyed her emotionlessly. Rin was holding the flowers over her head, as high as she could. _

_Sesshomaru was still for an entire minute, and Rin began to feel like she did something wrong. But suddenly, Sesshomaru bent down and delicately sniffed the bouquet. He sneezed. Rin watched in fascination as Sesshomaru sneezed repeatedly. After he sneezed a dozen times, he looked blearily at the flowers. Rin could see his eyes, and they weren't pretty like usual. They were red and watery. Sesshomaru's nose was also red, and he looked miserable. _

_"Somebody get this guy a tissue." Rin said, giggling._

Musicookie walked to him with a box of tissues, but Sesshomaru had already blown his nose in the fur boa that was on his shoulder.

"Lovely, Sesshomaru. You know how many girls dream of glomping that fur boa you wear? You just killed it for them."

"Those are azaleas. I am allergic to any plant in the family Ericaceae."

"Are you allergic to lilies?"

"No."

"Lilies it is then." Musicookie typed the word "lilies" in the meadow, instead of azaleas. Pop! Lilies appeared.

"Let's pick it up from where Sesshomaru smells the bouquet."

_Sesshomaru bent over and delicately sniffed the bouquet. One could hear how stuffed and drippy his nose was._

_Rin giggled and laid the bouquet on Ah-Un's back. _

_Jaken spoke up. "Foolish girl, you should not waste Lord Sesshomaru's time with silly flowers."_

_Sesshomaru silenced Jaken with a glare. Both Rin and Jaken started to giggle, desperately trying to stifle their laughter. Sesshomaru's glare didn't make him look intimidating. His golden irises were barely visible because his eyes were red and puffy. His nose was drippy. _

Musicookie began laughing, and everyone else did too. Sesshomaru glared and stormed off the scene, leaving the meadow and venturing into a great white void.

"Sesshomaru, get back here!"

He didn't return.

Musicookie sighed and typed, _Sesshomaru walked back to Musicookie._ Sesshomaru had no choice, and walked back to her.

"Listen, Fluffy, you can't go over there. I haven't written that far yet. It's still a white, empty void. Who knows what will happen to you if you go there."

"Better than being laughed at here."

"I'm sorry about the azaleas. I had no idea you were allergic."

"I am allergic to any plant in the family Ericaceae."

"I'll keep that in mind. Well, we can't do this scene if you can't look intimidating. How about we do the evil scene, Every fanfic needs an evil scene, right?"

_Kanna and Kagura walked to the trapdoor to the basement, and climbed down the ladder. Kagura's hand slipped on the slimy rungs of the ladder, and she fell. She snatched her feather from her hair, and caught herself before the hit the floor. _

_Kagura stood up and brushed herself off as Kanna dismounted the ladder. _

_"Smooth." Kanna said, in her soft, emotionless voice. _

"Just keep going," Musicookie called.

_Kagura ignored Kanna, and they made their way to the room where Naraku was._

_Naraku sat in the dark, gloomy depths. Body parts of various demons writhed and twitched around him. _

_"So," he said. "What is Lady Kikyo up to this time?"_

_Kanna held up her magic mirror. In the mirror, Kikyo could be seen sleeping. She was snoring slightly, and she was wearing footie pajamas. In her arms was clutched a Inuyasha plushie. _

_Naraku chickled. "Looks like we've seen Lady Kikyo at her weakest. Next time I see her, I will threaten her. I will tell her that she must surrender her stolen souls and leave this world, or else I will tell everyone that Kikyo wears pink footie pajamas and sleeps with a plushie!" _

_He began laughing maniacally._

"Please stop ad-libbing, Naraku. Although that was pretty good, that's not what I had in mind for this scene." Musicookie wondered if she'd ever get this story written.

She debated on waking Kikyo up, but Kikyo wasn't needed until later in the story. Musicookie said to the Inuyasha cast, "I don't know what it is, but today seems to be a really bad day. I've got a paper to work on anyway. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Musicookie saved the file, and closed the application.

Once she was gone, Inuyasha growled. "Jeez, what was wrong with you people today! I wanted to get to my big battle scene!"

Kagome sighed. "Poor Musicookie. She's just trying to write a good story."

Rin laughed. "Trying and failing. All she has me do is pick flowers, skip, and worship the ground Sesshomaru walks on."

Sesshomaru crossed his arms...arm. "She made a fool of me today. I have been displeased with her performance of late as this story's author."

All of the other members of the cast, including Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and Kirara, all pouted. "Yeah," said Miroku, "We weren't even in this chapter!"

Kanna spoke up. "Let's delete her fanfiction account. Who here knows her password?"

There was silence, except for Kikyo snoring somewhere.

"I don't think we should be plotting against Musicookie." Kagome said. "She _is _the author. You saw how she was with Sesshomaru. She made him walk right back to her. She has control over us. Even though her plans for this story aren't particularly exciting, it's still a good, well-rounded story."

Inuyasha said, "Well, I don't care what she does, so long as she gives me good battle scenes. A little sugar here and there is fine too."

Kagome's hair bristled. "Sugar? Sugar from who?"

Inuyasha shied away from Kagome. When he still didn't answer, Kagome began chasing him all over the file folder that contained Musicookie's stories.

Kagura said, "I know I don't like Musicookie. On her profile it says she likes Christina Aguilera. I hate that screeching tramp. Anyone who likes her music has lost it."

Sesshomaru said, "I want to give Musicookie a little payback. I despise azaleas."

"So, what can we do?" piped up Shippo, happy for a little mischief."

Sango raised her hand politely. "I have an idea. You all saw how annoyed Musicookie got when someone messed up the story. It started with Inuyasha and the gravel, then it was Kagome singing. What if...what if we play our roles badly, like today. It'll make her mad."

Rin smiled. "Perfect. We can mess it up so bad, she might have to rewrite the whole thing. And what's more, her exams are coming up. She'll already be so stressed out."

"We can behave badly? Sweet!" said Miroku! Immediately, his hand flew to Sango's butt.

Seconds later, he rubbed his throbbing cheek.

"Play our roles badly..." said Sesshomaru. "We shall implement this ingenious plan."

Shippo growled. "Will you stop using those big words? I can't understand you."

"Whatever," deadpanned Sesshomaru.

Kohaku spoke up. "Hey, does anyone know where Naraku got to?"

Everybody looked around. Kirara spotted Kikyo in a corner, sleeping. But Naraku was nowhere to be found.

Unknown to them, he was on another page of the story. Naraku was frolicking in the meadow from earlier, smelling the azaleas/lilies, and wondering why his character had to spend so much time in smelly, dark, and wet places. He hoped Musicookie would write a nicer role for him. He hummed his theme song as he skipped along his merry way.

-------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: *groans* I ate way too much for thanksgiving dinner. I feel like I'm going to burst open. Anyway, like this story? I was laughing while writing and proofreading this.

Want a preview of the next chapter?

_Kagome flung herself into Inuyasha, sobbing, "Why, Inuyasha! Why didn't you give him the cheese! Why!" She pounded his chest. "Why, why, why!"_

"Ok, I can't let this go on any longer." Musicookie stared at them all in disbelief. "What was that?"

Nobody said anything.

"I'll tell you what that was. That was the most disturbing, random, and sickening lunch scene anyone could ever see in their entire life."

Kagome bit back a sob.

Musicookie shook her head slowly. "I don't even know what to say."

Shippo spoke up. "I do. These fries are gross."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

-------------------------------------------------------------

Musicookie opened the file, and was greeted with the smiling faces of the Inuyasha cast.

"Hey guys, ready for the next chapter?"

Everyone kept smiling.

"OK, let's get writing!"

_Inuyasha and co. took a quick reprieve from battle. They stopped for lunch atop a grassy hill, under the shade of a tall maple tree. _

_"Here." Kagome passed out bento box lunches. _

_Inside of the lunches, however, was not food. _

_Inuyasha's lunch housed an old boot. With his chopsticks, he picked it up by the shoelace and sniffed it curiously. _

_Sango's lunch had a single paper clip, for some reason or another, taped to the bottom of the box. She poked it with a chopstick._

_Miroku's lunch comprised of packing peanuts. Inside, cushioned from any jostling, was a CD, "The Greatest Hits of Rodgers and Hammerstein." Miroku tasted a packing peanut experimentally; yeah, it wasn't food. _

_Shippo's lunch box was filled to the brim with cold, soggy french fries. There was only one packet of ketchup, placed neatly on top. Shippo looked like he would be sick._

_Arguably, Kagome's lunch box held the worst of all. A frantic mouse scampered around inside. It could talk._

_"Alright, gimme the cheese!" it squeaked._

_"We don't have any."_

_The mouse took off its shirt, revealing a tiny bomb strapped to its little chest._

_"Gimme the cheese! Gimme the cheese, or I'm blasting myself to the moon!"_

_Kagome gasped. "Inuyasha, give him the cheese!"_

_"What?! Cheese?! Listen here, Squeakers, we don't have any cheese!"_

_The mouse didn't answer. It was too far gone. It pressed a button on the bomb. _

_It shot out of the box, sparkling like a firework, zooming into the sky. There was a little pop, accompanied by a flash of light._

_Kagome flung herself into Inuyasha, sobbing, "Why, Inuyasha! Why didn't you give him the cheese! Why!" She pounded his chest. "Why, why, why!"_

"Ok, I can't let this go on any longer." Musicookie stared at them all in disbelief. "What was that?"

Nobody said anything.

"I'll tell you what that was. That was the most disturbing, random, and sickening lunch scene anyone could ever see in their entire life."

Kagome bit back a sob.

Musicookie shook her head slowly. "I don't even know what to say."

Shippo spoke up. "I do. These fries are gross."

"...Right. Next scene!"

"_Naraku!" Kikyo docked her arrow and aimed for Naraku's head. "Naraku, your time has come."_

_Naraku erected a purple barrier around himself, Kagura, and Kanna. He chuckled evilly. "Time has come to what, be defeated by the likes of you?"_

_Kikyo smiled. "Your time has come. It's 3:00. The time has come for your dentist appointment." The bow in her hands remained the same, but the arrow transformed into a giant toothbrush._

_Naraku paled. It wasn't very noticeable, since he already was so pale. "D-dentist? I-I-I don't need a dentist! I've told you! I swore off candy long ago!"_

_Kanna began to tap dance. _

_"Naraku! We all saw you chomping on taffy and chocolate bars!" Kagura chided._

_Kikyo readied her bow and toothbrush. "You have neglected your dental hygiene, Naraku."_

_Naraku dropped to the ground, in the fetal position. _

_"No...No..." He held his head in his hands. He lifted up his eyes to Kikyo, standing before him like the evil dentist's assistant she was. Naraku stood up, aware that he was no better than a cornered animal. _

_"NOOO!" he began screaming. He lifted his hands, and a stream of candy shot from them. "CANDY BEAM! ATTACK!" _

_Candy pelted Kikyo. A gummi bear slammed into her left pinky finger, her weakest point. It was a shot in a million, and it took her down. _

_Kikyo fell to the ground, bellowing like a wounded elephant. Candy still flew in the air around her, and she was buried in a pile of it. Naraku took his chance and fled. _

_Kikyo's hand was the only thing that wasn't buried in the pile of candy. The hand scratched at the air, reaching for freedom, slowly loosing strength until it fell limp. _

_Sad violin music began to play. _

"Sango, get rid of that violin," Musicookie said. Sango instead shattered it over Miroku's head, as he was currently fondling Sango.

Miroku fell unconscious to the ground.

"I have no idea what is wrong with the world today. Let me tell you though, I am about to strangle somebody."

Rin pointed to Jaken. "Strangle him!"

Musicookie smiled grimly. "I promised my readers that I'd update today. Maybe I can still salvage this train wreck of a story. Sesshomaru, you're up."

_It was night. Moonlight illuminated Sesshomaru's features as he overlooked the sea. _

_"Father, why did you leave the Tenseiga to me? Why did you give Inuyasha the Tetsusaiga?"_

_Rin ran up beside him. "Lord Sesshomaru, look! Look what I found!"_

_She held up two little sand crabs._

_"See?"_

_"I see."_

_"Lord Sesshomaru, look closer! See?"_

_He squatted to Rin's level. "I see."_

_Rin suddenly leapt at Sesshomaru's head. She held a sand crab near each of his ears; their claws clamped down on his earlobes. _

_Sesshomaru's scream split the night air into two._

_He ran around in circles, screaming. "The pain is unbearable!" For some reason, he built a sand castle. It only took a few seconds because he was so lightning fast. He then ripped off his armor and used it to smash the sand castle, screaming all the while. Grains of sand rained gently on Rin._

_Sesshomaru ripped the crabs from his earlobes, looking insane. He hurled the crabs away form him so hard, they broke free of the atmosphere and floated into space. The heat they received from leaving the atmosphere thoroughly cooked them, and some passing aliens had a nice lunch of random, floating, cooked space crab. Sadly, there wasn't any random floating space butter. _

_Anyway, Sesshomaru turned slowly to Rin. _

_"Rin..." he said, with barely supressed anger. "What was the meaning of that?"_

_"I don't know why you built the castle and smashed it."_

_"No...Why did you put crabs on my ears?" He was shaking with fury._

_"Lord Sesshomaru is so pretty, I thought he might want earrings."_

_Sesshomaru said nothing. Instead, he held his sword to Rin's neck. "You know what this means, don't you, Rin?"_

_Rin gulped, and nodded. _

_"Very well, set it up."_

_A few minutes later, Rin had plugged the cords of the Wii to the back of the TV that randomly appeared on the beach, and she turned it on. Sesshomaru's sword was still at her neck as she passed him a remote._

_"Lord Sesshomaru, what would you like to play?"_

_"Wii sports."_

_"Lord Sesshomaru, what sport would you like to play?"_

_Sesshomaru grinned, showing his fangs. "Wii boxing."_

_Rin attached the ninchuks to the remotes, and the battle began between Sesshomaru's mii and Rin's mii. Sesshomaru's mii pummeled Rin's mii. The real Rin was teary eyed as she watched the little representation of herself fall to the mat, KO'ed._

"Hold on a second, Sesshomaru. You can't play the Wii with the nunchuk. That takes two arms!"

Mucisookie strode over and took the remote from Sesshomaru. She flung it into the sea.

"You can't just go and give yourself another arm! I have a plot point planned, and you need to have one arm for it to work!"

Sesshomaru glared.

"I was going to have you at the edge of a cliff! You would have to choose between two things; saving Rin from falling off the cliff, or finally take the Tetsusaiga from Inuyasha. Rin? Or Tetsusaiga? Love and friendship? Or power and ambition? And you can only pick one--the other is lost forever! See? This is why I'm the author. Could you come up with an idea as brilliant as that one?"

"I know anything's possible in fanfiction (like you so obviously demonstrated, playing a Wii), but you're the character, and I'm the author. What I say, goes. Got that, fluffy?"

Sesshomaru said cooly, "I wager that I am able to write a better story than you ever could."

"Oh yeah? Bring it on, hot stuff."

Myoga leapt to Sesshomaru's armor shoulder thingie. "All right, the battle is on. Musicookie vs. Sesshomaru in a battle of the fic writers! The rules are simple: Anything goes! Only keep this story K+ rated, you two. The winner gets the right to write this story, and also, eternal bragging rights."

Sesshomaru smiled politely at Musicookie, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "Are you prepared to lose, incompetent human?"

Mucisookie cracked her knuckles. "We meet next chapter. I'm saving my trash talk till then."

---------------------------------------------

A/N: The only part I didn't like at of this chapter was the Sesshomaru-Rin-crab thing. However, I love the suicidal mouse. I wonder how something like that could ever come out of my mind. At first, there was going to be a dead mouse in Kag's lunch box, but I didn't think that was funny enough. So I made it alive and suicidal.

Another funny thing. I had a paper due today. Right before I printed it, I noticed the worst typo ever -- in one sentence, I typed the word "shift" but forgot the "f." Lucky I noticed.

----------------------------------------------

I always forget to respond to--or even thank--reviewers. Thanks to anyone who reads, subscribes, and likes my stories. I'm glad I could make you laugh.

**SpiritBlackFire:** Wow! You practically wrote an essay for me! I loved reading your review. I never realized that by using lilies I was being so deep. Makes it look like I know what I'm doing, huh? And Rin totally has the potential to be (if not evil) mischievous.

**Liesie:** Yay! Your wait paid off! I update each story I have weekly, and so far I've updated consistently with no delays. Thanks for liking my story!

-----------------------------------------------

Next chapter preview!

"Now Shippo, give your points."

Shippo leapt to Kagome's arms for protection. "Well, Musicookie gave me milk and let me spin my top. And Sesshomaru... He called me helpless, short-armed, and then he electrocuted me to death. He's a big meanie!"

Shippo trembled and stole a glance at Sesshomaru, who was flexing his fingers and claws.

"Kagome, don't let him hurt me!"


	3. Round One: ScifiWestern

Chapter three

--------------------------------------

Normal font like this the 'reality' in the story.

_Musicookie's lines of the story are in italics._

_**Sesshomaru's lines of the story are in bold italics.**_

I think it will make more sense as you read through it.

-----------------------------------------

Musicookie sat at a desk, laptop at the ready. Sesshomaru sat at a desk next to Musicookie's, and he had a laptop too.

"Typing is a skill this Sesshomaru is unfamiliar with."

"Should've thought of that before you challenged me. I'll bet those claws of yours will tear up the keyboard."

Musicookie suddenly burst out laughing. "Can you imagine if you called customer service? 'Uhh, yeah. My demon claws accidentally ripped some keys off of my keyboard. And there's poison in it too, it's eating through the plastic. Does my warranty cover this?' "

Myoga was hopping agitatedly as Musicookie laughed.

"Hey, hey, HEY!"

"Hm?"

"I want to ref! I am obviously the oldest and wisest one here.

"Why not? Knock yourself out, Myoga."

"Gladly! In our first match, each author will take turns writing for a certain genre of fanfiction stories. When both are done, the characters who were in the scene will give each author points, and a judge will also give his or her points. The author with the most points is the winner. Musicookie, Sesshomaru, do you understand these rules?"

Musicookie nodded. Sesshomaru didn't move.

"Alright. Since we've got many genres to cover, we're going to combine some. Since Musicookie's statistics professor has pounded the concept into her brain, she knows simple random assignment is the way to fairly pair the genres. First off, we've got...oh dear. Sci-fi/western. Authors, ready?"

Musicookie scratched her head at the genre, but nodded.

Again, Sesshomaru didn't move. You know, you could use him as a coat rack. That is, if you had a death wish. Anyway...

"BEGIN!"

_Shippo stuck his little chest out as for as it would go. The Sheriff's badge shone under the florescent lights, and a little green computer chip flashed as he scanned his badge under the laser._

_"Access granted," said a computer voice. "Welcome, ya'll." _

_The doors swung in pneumatically and Shippo stood there, pausing for dramatic effect. Everyone in the tavern, including the robots, turned to look at him. He was kind of short, so some had to crane their necks to see him. _

_Sheriff Shippo made his way to the space tavern's counter._

_"One mug of milk, please."_

_"You got it." The barmaid pressed a button, and milk molecules materialized in a glass mug._

_"Thanks, lady," Shippo bobbed his head, his cowboy hat flapping a little._

_**"You're welcome, Sheriff, but I'm actually a robot. While humans have weak emotions and low intelligence that cloud their judgement in battle, and in life in general, robots are perfectly designed to serve their purpose to the height of their ability."**_

_**Shippo took a sip of his milk, when he heard the hiss of the automatic doors opening behind him. Inuyasha, head of the Half-breed Hackers gang, was standing there like he was king of the world. Arrogant half-breed.**_

__A vein twitched in Inuyasha's temple. That Sesshomaru...

_**For a bit of clarification, the Half-breed Hackers were skilled at hacking into computers and ruining everything in general. It is an illegal activity, and Sheriff Shippo knew he had to confront Inuyasha. His sheriff's honor depended on it.**_

_**Inuyasha was the naughtiest outlaw of the western Milky way, and he had to be stopped. Or killed. Preferably the latter.**_

_**"You! Dumb half-breed!" Shippo called, his voice echoing on the metal walls of the tavern.**_

_**Inuyasha guffawed most unintelligently. "I are a dumb half breed indeed. I calls you out, Sheriff."**_

__Inuyasha was shaking with rage at Sesshomru's words, but continued to do whatever Sesshomaru typed.

_**"It's your funeral." Sheriff Shippo laughed haughtily. "For I, even I, a helpless kitsune, am a full-blooded demon and of higher blood than you."**_

_**The two left the tavern and went outside in the large hallway of the space station.**_

___They did the customary "draw" routine so frequently seen in westerns. They walked up close to each other, trying to appear intimidating. _

_Sheriff Shippo pulled out a top, and spun it on the floor.. Apparently, that was supposed to be impressive._

_Inuyasha flexed his fingers, giving every spectator (for there were many spectators who had gathered in the hallway) a full view of his claws. _

_After the posturing was over, Sheriff Shippo and Hacker Inuyasha turned on their heels, each taking five steps. _

_Suddenly, each turned around, drawing hand pistols. however, since Musicookie is a good author and is mindful of the K+ rating, had the pistols shoot water, not bullets or lasers._

_**Oh please, spare us. Sheriff Shippo tried his hardest, but his little arms were too short and skinny. As much as this Sessomaru hates to admit it, Half-breed hacker Inuyasha was to be the logical winner of the draw. Inuyasha pulled the trigger, shooting a thin stream of water on Sheriff Shippo.**_

_**Unfortunately, the water touched the sheriff's badge, and the computer chip on the badge began to spark ominously. Volts of electricity poured directly into Sheriff Shippo's heart and he fell to the floor, dead.**_

___That's horrible!_

_**Half-breed Hacker Inuyasha also fell dead.**_

___What? Why!?_

_**... He ate bad shrimp. They hit his lower intestine and exploded, ending his life immediately. **_

__"This round is over. The word limit was reached."

Musicookie blinked. "Myoga, you didn't say anything about a word limit."

Myoga anime sweatdropped. "Well, honestly, it was getting out of hand, so I felt it should end before we permanently scar any readers."

Shippo sat up from the floor. "It already got out of hand, thanks to Sesshomaru..." said Shippo.

Inuyasha was livid with rage. His golden irises were flaming as he advanced on Sesshomaru. "You made me insult myself, then you killed me off?!"

Inuyasha lunged for Sesshomaru's neck, hands reaching, but Musicookie hurriedly typed _Inuyasha suddenly found himself in a straitjacket._

Inuyasha screamed, "Hey!" He heaved, using all his strength to rip the straitjacket.

Musicookie typed _Inuyasha fell asleep, forgetting everything about the sci-fi/western scene._

Inuyasha fell like a dead weight. Musicookie gets the names of the band of seven mixed up, but the giant one Koga killed (Kyokotsu, Musicookie just looked on wikipedia), dragged Inuyasha to the corner where Kikyo was still sleeping.

"Wait a second," said Sango. "The characters who were in the scene were supposed to say which was their favorite."

Musicookie spoke up. "Not to be giving myself points here...well, yeah, actually...but Inuyasha clearly showed displeasure at Sesshomaru's telling of the story. It's obvious that if Inuyasha were awake, he'd give me more points."

Sesshomaru glared at her. "He did not explicitly say that he preferred your or my story."

Myoga said, "Since Inuyasha did not make a statement in any of your favors, he doesn't count this time. Now Shippo, give your points."

Shippo leapt to Kagome's arms for protection. "Well, Musicookie gave me milk and let me spin my top. And Sesshomaru... He called me helpless, short-armed, and then he electrocuted me to death. He's a big meanie! So I want all of my 4 points to go to Musicookie."

Shippo trembled and stole a glance at Sesshomaru, who was flexing his fingers and claws.

"Kagome, don't let him hurt me!"

Myoga tried to call for attention, but everybody was busy arguing, snoring, or screaming in terror.

Myoga hopped to Sango. In her ear, he told her she was the judge for the sci-fi/western genre.

Sango jumped on Musicookie's desk, calling attention to herself. Miroku made a catcall whistle, and Musicookie smacked him.

"I am the judge for this round. Musicookie gets 3 of 5 possible points for respecting the western 'draw' tradition, for creatively using space age technology in the story, and not killing anyone. However, she only described things that were happening. She did not significantly direct the plot."

"Sesshomaru gets 2 of 5 possible points. He used a wide range of vocabulary and introduced plot twists. However, he let his bias slip in and skew what should have been an objective story. Plus, he killed all the main characters.... Wait, Myoga?"

Myoga answered, "Yes?"

"Can a judge give zero points?" Sango asked.

"I don't see why not."

Musicookie smirked as a muscle in Sesshomaru's jaw twitched.

"However," continued Myoga, "You are bound by your words. You already gave Sesshomaru 2 points."

Kohaku said, "So after round one: sci-fi/western, Musicookie has 7 points, and Sesshomaru has 2 points.

"This is not over, human," Sesshomaru said to Musicookie, crossing his arms...arm.

"Oh, boo-hoo, you sore loser. Go whine and cry in your giant dust bunny."

Sesshomaru's eyes flickered red, letting his bestial demon blood begin to take over.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm so scared. See ya'll later."

Musicookie saved and quit, leaving Sesshomaru to simmer in his anger. He decided to use the time to devise a plan. Oh, yes...Musicookie would lose next time. He'd make sure of it...

_**----------------------------**_

A/N: Yay! The battle begins. I had fun writing this chapter.

Next chapter preview! :

Sesshomaru smirked, but his nose began twitching.

"This Sesshomaru smells tacos."

Lady Izaioi walked to them, holding paper bags from Taco Bell.

"Who's up for tacos?" she said in her soft, melodic voice.

This preview isn't much, but it was all I could give you because I don't want to spoil everything else that happens.

Review responses! :

PuppiesAreAdorable - Yeah, like I said, I am accepting that challange! I'll put that line in ... somewhere. I tried putting it in the next chapter, but it didn't fit. Oh, and did you choke on anything this chapter? Perhaps you should refrain from eating/drinking while reading this story...^_^

SpiritBlackFire - Battle of the fic writers! And I think I'll use your "Inuyasha cast on strike" idea. Is that ok with you?

Liesie - I wish I would have thought of putting the Kikyo-pinkie moment in slo-mo. I'm glad you liked that part!


	4. Round two: PoetryAngst

_---------------------------------------------------_

Chapter 4

Normal font like this the 'reality' in the story.

_Musicookie's lines of the story are in italics._

_**Sesshomaru's lines of the story are in bold italics.**_

Score thus far: Musicookie 7, Sesshomaru 2

-------------------------------

Musicookie opened the file. "Hey guys!" she called.

She looked at them. Kikyo had finally woken up, and she looked dead. Inuyasha looked angry, but then again, he always looked like that because that's how his eyebrows were drawn. Miroku had a red cheek, Sango looked ticked off, Koga looked restless.

Everything was normal.

But then she saw Sesshomaru.

There were dark circles under his eyes. His eyes were red, and his usually perfect clothing was rumpled and wrinkled.

Her eyes also drifted to Sesshomaru's laptop. It lay, utterly broken, on the side of the page, next to the scroll bar of the document.

"What happened here?"

Rin giggled. "He was up all night."

"What for?"

"This Sesshomaru was studying to become the best writer. He learned how to plan a plot and make an outline, how to utilize plot devices, and how to tug at the emotional heartstrings of his readers."

Everyone snickered at his last comment.

He ignored them. "This Sesshomaru also expanded his vocabulary, in order to add color, mood, and tone to his writing."

Musicookie laughed. "You sure didn't learn about person. There are first, second, and third person pronoun usage, says this Musicookie."

Sesshomaru looked haughty.

Musicookie smirked. "I've been writing for years. Experience like that is worth more than you could ever learn overnight. Look at you, cramming."

"Cramming? This Sesshomaru is unfamiliar with that term."

Musicookie nodded. "Cramming..." she said slowly. "You panicked, and desperately tried to fill your head to prepare for today. College students everywhere do it. It may work for a while, but in the end, you'll burn out and forget everything you learned."

"You forget something. This Sesshomaru is superior in intellect. Pitiful humans may succumb to such weakness, but I would not."

"Good Heavens, Rumiko Takahashi wrote you with quite the ego, eh, Fluffy? So, Mr. Superior, what happened to the laptop I so nicely typed up for you?"

Sesshomaru's face twisted into rage. No one dared to say a word.

Finally, Kagome spoke up. "While he researched and waited for the pages to load, he searched himself on DeviantArt. He came upon some pictures people drew of him with... with Inuyasha in ... uhh ... compromising positions. let's just say. There were even some of him and Naraku..."

Sesshomaru twitched, a very rare occurrence.

"I get it. How angry was he?"

"He threw the laptop and was slicing it with his whip. He even pulled out his Tokijin, waving it around and threatening to destroy the internet."

"Oh dear. Well, I see you weren't able to, Fluffy."

Sesshomaru's eyes were aflame with the deepest fury you could ever imagine.

Myoga hopped to get everyone's attention. "Well, we should start before Sesshomaru kills somebody. Let's get down with our bad poetry-writing selves!"

Everyone, except Sesshomaru, anime-sweatdropped at Myoga's awkward attempts to be cool.

"Today the genre is: Poetry/Angst!"

Sesshomaru grinned, showing his fangs. "It was an intelligent strategy for this Sesshomaru to study Iambic pentameter last night."

Musicookie groaned. It had been a couple years since her last literature class, and she remembered nothing. The only thing she remembered (seriously, this is all I remember) was that a Shakespearian sonnet has two separate lines at the end, or something like that.

"The same rules apply as last time! Characters and judges will give points. Good luck!"

_**With a great clashing roar of iron afire**_

_**White mist as the sword sits in water to bathe**_

_**The glow from the flames of its past start to fade**_

_**In his hands Totosai holds the blade  
**_

_(...Oh, my turn already? Ok. Ummm....)  
_

_He checks in its shine his reflection and soon_

_The dog demon demands that it's his--_

_With screaming and fighting and childish whims_

_Inuyasha runs off with his prize  
_

_**Mounting his cow **_(Musicookie snickered)_** Totosai flies away**_

_**Muttered curses reach ears of those standing nearby**_

_**"Curse that rash son of Master who's stolen my work,**_

_**What a pity that he lacks a brain."  
**_

_"All I want is my swords to be used, and used well_

_And a "thanks" that's past due to be given to me_

_And this pain that I feel, what's the point of my life_

_Will my wounded soul ever ever heal?"  
_

_**Deranged thoughts filled his head, old with winters and age**_

_**Bulbous eyes wet with tears that slid past wrinkled cheeks**_

_**Staring down at the ground that lay waiting below**_

_**The sword-smith fell to its sweet embrace  
**_

_(...Wait, what? Sesshomaru, what did you just say?)_

_**(Totosai committed suicide by jumping off his flying cow.)**_

_(Whoa, really? No way! But it sounded so poetic!)_

_**(You are going to lose, pitiful human, if you don't write the next stanza.)  
**_

_Through the clouds he free fell, wind was rippling his clothes_

_And distorting his cheeks, like you see in movies_

_Then he gasped as a lone bug flew straight up his nose_

_It too was lamenting its mucous-y fate  
_

_**Slamming into the trees, Totosai lost his life**_

_**Gone insane from the greed of that ungrateful mutt**_

_**His face kissed the sweet soil, there he lay in a heap**_

_**A sad end for the forger of swords  
**_

_And unhindered, his cow soared across the clear skies_

_Mooing as a free cow for the very first time_

_**But yes, even great demons get hungry sometimes**_

_**This Sesshomaru wanted some beef  
**_

Myoga, fighting his nauseousness, called the match to an end. All the other characters stared at Musicookie and Sesshomaru. Crickets chirped in the silence.

Kikyo spoke up. "That was depressing. Even for me, and I'm dead."

Musicookie said, "Angst is supposed to be depressing."

Inuyasha shook his head. "You know what that was? That was just wrong. That poem is an abomination to the existence of the entire universe."

Musicookie took another look at said poem. "...Yeah, that is pretty disturbing. What's even more disturbing is that every time Sesshomaru gets his hands on a keyboard, the story ends with tragic deaths of all the main characters. Even the cow didn't make it. Even the cow!"

Totosai stood up. "Yes, what's the meaning of this? Is this how the son of the great dog demon treats his father's servant? The one who forged the swords from his father's fangs?"

Sesshomaru scoffed, gesturing at Tenseiga. "Yes, this Sesshomaru thanks you for such a useful and powerful sword," he said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Totosai covered his ears. "Ohhh, your father must be rolling over in his grave, hearing such words from his son's mouth!"

Inuyasha and Sesshomaru's father raised a clawed hand. He was standing behind everyone, unnoticed. "Actually, I'm not rolling anywhere. See?" He gave a hearty laugh.

Inuyasha and Sesshomaru suddenly looked shocked.

"F-f-father?" Inuyasha breathed. Sesshomaru's eyes widened.

"Kiddos, don't look at me like that. Don't you use your noses? I've been here the whole time. I had a role in 'Inuyasha: Swords of an Honorable Ruler ' after all."

"So is mom here too?"

"Nah. She left to get tacos. She'll be back later, though."

Musicookie's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Wait a second, how can she leave? How can an imagined and nonexistent character leave a microsoft word document--and a computer--to get tacos? The nearest Taco Bell is 10 miles from here! And she doesn't even exist, really! And if she got the tacos, how would she bring them inside the computer? I really don't want shredded lettuce in my hard drive."

Big Daddy (Inu and Sessy's father is unnamed as far as I know, so this is what I'm calling him) said, "Well, there's actually a very interesting explanation for that..."

There was a sudden scream of anger. "Pervert!" A slap was heard.

All eyes went to Sango, who's face turned red. Miroku lay twitching on the ground.

Musicookie blinked. "What were we talking about?"

Everyone shrugged, conveniently forgetting what would have been the most enlightening yet confusing explanation ever.

Myoga said, "Well then, let's award our points! Totosai can divide his 4 points between the two authors, and our judge, Naraku, will judge each author."

Totosai said, "Well, Sesshomaru started the poem very well. Musicookie was the one who made Inuyasha come and take my sword."

Sesshomaru smiled a little.

"But Sesshomaru made me throw myself from my flying cow later..."

Sesshomaru growled.

Totosai chuckled nervously. "Since I am a servant of Big Daddy's family, any of his blood have my eternal allegiance, (which is a blessing and a curse at times...). Lord Sesshomaru, I award you 3 of my four points. The other point goes to Musicookie for not making me kill myself," Totosai added quietly.

Myoga continued. "Naraku? Your judging and points please?"

"Musicookie first. She is out of meter in places, she repeated words, she added meaningless words, and she even invented one, 'Mucous-y.' Musicookie clearly doesn't understand a thing about poetic meter."

Musicookie nodded. "True, that," she said in complete agreement.

"She was also uncomfortable with the poem-writing experience, even hesitating at one point and asking her opponent for help. However, she made sure to comply with the "angst" genre of this challenge. Also, she added a bit of humor. I award Musicookie with 1 out of 5 possible points."

The corners of Sesshomaru's lips raised ever so slightly in a smile. That was equivalent to a normal person smiling cheerfully.

"Sesshomaru, your vocabulary was spectactular. You used a variety of words. You demonstrated full knowledge of the meter, and you were comfortable with took care of the angst. But you were a master of the poetic form and language. However, you let your own dislike for Inuyasha slip in again, although not as much as last time. And you killed the main character. Again. It would have been perfect it you hadn't done those things. You receive 4 of 5 points."

Musicookie shook her head. "This round, I got 2 points. Fluffy got 7."

Myoga cleared his little flea throat. "In total, Musicookie has 9 points, and Sesshomaru has 9 points."

Musicookie clicked her tongue. "A tie? Man..."

Sesshomaru smirked, but his nose began twitching.

"This Sesshomaru smells tacos."

Lady Izaioi walked to them, holding paper bags from Taco Bell.

"Who's up for tacos?" she said in her soft, melodic voice.

Everyone leapt at her like feral cats on a can of leftover tuna. They were ferociously ripping the bags and tearing the tacos from her hands. Izaioi fell to the floor with a soft cry, and died in the stampede. Luckily, Big Daddy took Tenseiga from Sesshomaru (even Sesshomaru doesn't defy his big daddy) and revived her.

There was a scuffle over hot sauce packets, and one accidentally hit Kikyo's pinkie. If you read chapter 2, you know that's her only weak spot. Kikyo collapsed, defeated. No one noticed or cared -- not when there were tacos to be had. Not even Inuyasha noticed, because he was trying to pry a taco from Kagome's hands.

Musicookie was not a part of the taco battle. She backed away slowly as fists flew and shouts split the air. A flying taco cut through the air like a bullet, missing her head by mere millimeters.

"Yeah, I think I'll be going now..."

---------------------------------

A/N: How was the poetry? I was surprised I wrote this whole chapter in one sitting, even the poem. Also, in reviews, a majority of the people mentioned the tacos. I had no idea everyone would mention the tacos. I mean, it was just a preview. I didn't want to let anyone down, so I "beefed" up the part about the tacos a little, if you'll pardon the pun. Hopefully you all liked it.

---------------------------------

Review responses!

Sassybratt - Thanks! I did try hard to keep in in character. He's the kind of person who cannot push aside his biases even for a little while.

PuppiesAreAdorable - Why don't I like tomatoes? Is it you or me who doesn't like tomatoes? I'm a little nervous about you potentially owning my soul... quote: "ATTACK OF THE TACOS!! RAWRFIZZLEKINS!! XD" ... Yeah. Actually, I fear for my life, so I'll get that phrase in, hopefully by next chapter. ^_^; XD

Chrysolite Heart - Wow! That's such a nice compliment! Thank you very much! I'm glad to make you laugh and I hope I do so with each chapter I write.

Liesie - Ok, you caught me. I intentionally paired Sci-fi and Western just because they would be so weird (and hopefully funny) together. I did that with a few other genres that would also be ridiculous when paired. But for the ones I couldn't decide on pairing, I literally pulled their names from a hat. Well, it was a jar. But anyway, those ones were randomly paired. Oh! And you were right! They were tacos of doom! How did you know!?

SpaztasticWolf - Thanks! I like randomness a lot, but I do like it to be somewhat cohesive randomness. Stories with insane randomness are funny but sometimes hard to follow. I'm glad I made your day better!

--------------------------------

Next chapter preview!:

Dramatic music played from who knows where. Everyone was screaming and shouting, their mouths not moving in sync with their voices, just like when you watch badly dubbed Japanese movies. Kagome pointed at the monster, piercing everyone's eardrums with a deafening scream. Everyone stampeded, either running from the giant or from the irrevocable hearing damage Kagome was causing.


	5. Round 3: FamilyMystery

Chapter 5

Normal font like this the 'reality' in the story.

_Musicookie's lines of the story are in italics._

_**Sesshomaru's lines of the story are in bold italics.**_

Score thus far: Musicookie 9, Sesshomaru 9

-----------------------------------------

Colors. Colors everywhere.

Colors smeared the pages of the microsoft word document like an explosion at a paint factory. Lame simile, but that's what it was like.

And colors weren't just plastering the pages.

Shippo was lime-green, from head to toe. Kagome was a bright yellow, and Koga was red. Kirara was working that orange, and Rin was an aqua blue. Everyone was painted a different color. You could still make out their black outlines, though.

To his embarrassment, Inuyasha was hot pink. Sesshomaru looked oddly smug. Well, at least from what you could tell. He was painted a dark navy blue, and it was hard to make out his features. Which were usually expressionless anyway.

Musicookie covered her eyes. "Ok. I'm officially blinded by the colors. Anyone care to tell me what in heaven's name happened here?"

Naraku, a delightful violet color, said, "We discovered the joys of the text highlighter."

"Why does it look like a rainbow self-destructed, though?"

"Well, you know how Inuyasha and Sesshomaru make everything in to a battle?"

"They had a highlighting battle? Are you kidding me?"

Inuyasha ran to Musicookie, demanding, "Change me back! I don't wanna look like a girly wuss!"

Musicookie smiled and pulled at his hair, inspecting it. "Wow! Every single hair is pink!"

"Change me back!"

"Fine. Everyone, hold still."

Musicookie pressed the keyboard shortcut for "select all." Everyone was highlighted and selected. For a fraction of a second, she felt like hitting the backspace key, erasing them all for all the trouble they gave her, then hitting "undo" just to see their expressions. It would be like they came back from the dead.

Instead, she went to the "font size" tab and shrunk everybody to an 2-point font size, the smallest there is. She just couldn't resist.

She squatted to the ground, and squealed. "Oh, look at you! Just like little anime ants!"

Sesshomaru's voice squeaked, just barely audible. "Authoress, you will resize us immediately."

Musicookie burst into laughter at the sound of his little voice.

"You insolent mortal! How dare --"

Musicookie laughed harder. Below her, Miroku had taken the initiative of making the best of the situation. Sango flipped out, slapping everything in sight.

In her blind, slap-happy anger, Sango slapped Jaken's hat off. She slapped Sesshomaru's fluffy thing, Koga's ponytail, and Kagura's feathers. Her actions caused a whole little tiny scuffle with all the characters fighting and screaming in their squeaky voices.

Musicookie was gasping for air. Watching ant-sized anime characters slug each other was the most hilarious thing she'd ever seen in her life, second to the Youtube video about a hamster eating popcorn on a piano.

Wiping tears from her eyes, she selected everybody again and resized them to the standard 12-point font size.

Everybody looked around and blinked in surprise.

"Hey, where's Myoga?" said Big Daddy.

Musicookie said, "Well, he was already so small. Maybe when I shrunk him, it was too much. Maybe he just shrunk to nothing and stopped existing."

Faint and angry squeaking filled Musicookie's outer ear canal.

"Wait, I think I hear him! Or I have tinnitus. One or the other."

Musicookie typed a single period on the page.

.

"Ok, Myoga, if you're here somewhere, go and sit on that period."

She waited a minute, then highlighted the period. She made the font size several times bigger. Suddenly, a Myoga the size of Godzilla filled the pages of the document.

Dramatic music played from who knows where. Everyone was screaming and shouting, their mouths not moving in sync with their voices, just like when you watch badly dubbed Japanese movies. Kagome pointed at the monster, piercing everyone's eardrums with a deafening screech. Everyone stampeded, either running from the giant Myoga or from the irrevocable hearing damage Kagome was causing.

Musicookie luckily kept her cool, resizing Myoga to his usual flea-sized self.

Myoga panted. "Jeez...Louise!.... Why is ... it always...me?... Thus is the... fate.. of a ...flea."

Musicookie patted his little shoulder with her finger, trying not to squish him. "I'm sorry, Myoga. You're such a good judge, too."

Sesshomaru was instantly on the alert. "Kissing up to the judges is a dishonorable way to ensure victory."

"I'm not kissing up! I shrunk him, then I enlarged him, and I am sorry for it!"

"Any sort of friendliness with the judges should result in disqualification."

"You...you big, snobby, fluffy, meanie-headed jerkwad!"

"This Sesshomaru pities you for your pathetic name calling. Pray tell, what is a 'jerkwad?' "

"I made it up! It fits you, you jerkwad!"

Myoga yelled, "Enough! We really need to get this show on the road, peeps! All this excitement has happened and we haven't even gotten to the story yet! Fo shizzle!"

Everyone wondered why Myoga was talking in such a way, and even on a regular basis.

"Today's story challenge: Family/Mystery! Same rules as the past rounds. Veteran readers, you know the drill. The characters in the story can award 4 points between the authors, and a judge will award up to 5 possible points to each author. Ready? Set? Begin, dawgs!"

_Kagome smiled. She was home. She had just come from the well, and she was really looking forward to a long soak in the bath. _

_However, she was unable to dream of bath salts, shampoo, soap, and bubbles any further. She heard giggling coming from a nearby bush._

_She peered through the branches and saw Sota hugging a girl. The girl wasn't Hitomi, who was Sota's girlfriend last time Kagome had been around. _

_"Sota, what are you doing?"_

_**"Sis! I-I... Uh... Hey! What are YOU doing? Spying on me? Meddling siblings are the worst!"**_

_**Kagome raised her hand, pointing menacingly at her little brother. "Listen here, you. I just had the worst day ever. I need a bath, Inuyasha's been a stupid jerk, and I smell like blood! I always smell like blood these days!"**_

_**The little girls eyes widened like a frightened rabbit upon hearing Kagome's words.**_

_**Sota noticed, whispering, "My sister's a little cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, if you know what I mean. Here," he shoved some money in her hands, "don't mention this to anybody, ok? See ya."**_

___Kagome waited for the little girl to leave, then focused her eyes on Sota. "Cuckoo for Coca Puffs, eh? Who was that girl? What happened to Hitomi?"_

_Sota shook his head. "I'm not telling you anything. You'll just scare her away cuz your're crazy."_

_Kagome smiled. "Ok then, I'll just have to find out who this girl is for myself, then."_

_Kagome took her long-awaited bath, feeling refreshed and ready to begin to solve this mystery. _

_She began her search for clues. She was also hungry, so she decided to look in the kitchen. _

_Kagome's mom was there, making dinner. _

_"Hey, mom! What's new around here?"_

_"I got rubber gloves in a new color this week! Usually I get pink. This week, I got yellow!"_

_"Um, I meant, what's new. As in 'who's new around here?' "_

_**Kagome's mother didn't take the blatant hint. "No one special... Well, there's a new mailman. The other one quit after last week. Your grandpa attacked him, insisting he was a demon. Grandpa was even cramming the poor man's mouth with sutras."**_

_**Kagome tried to pry any further information from her mother, but to no avail. She looked around the kitchen instead.**_

_**Two identical bento box lunches caught her eye. The rice balls in each one were formed in the shape of hearts, and there was a red sauce. **_

_**Kagome also noticed that some green beans formed Sota's name in one of the boxes. Kagome smiled at her good fortune. His new girlfriend's name must be written in green beans in the other box too!**_

___Sadly, the green beans had been knocked around, and the name couldn't be read. Well, Kagome read the name 'Bob,' but she knew that couldn't be right. It wasn't even a japanese name, much less a name for a girl. _

_Kagome decided to try her luck and ask her grandfather. She found him outside, sitting on the porch and going through the mail. _

_"Bill, bill, scam, junk, scam, scam, bill..." he mumbled as he counted off the mail, tossing the envelopes over his shoulders. He didn't even notice Kagome as he gathered up the strewn-about mail and walked away. _

_Kagome saw some envelopes her grandfather had dropped on the ground. There were quite a few of them._

_She was about to call out to her grandfather, but look at the little envelopes in her hand. They were pink, and they were addressed to Sota. The address was written on the envelope with a purple milky gel pen._

_Kagome smiled mischievously. Little girls in middle school used such pens. _

_She dashed off with the envelopes, cackling maniacally. _

_Once she got to her room, she set up her desk. She got few sharp letter-openers and knives, a magnifying glass, a few different types of glue, and flashlights of varying wattages. _

_**First, Kagome turned off the lights, holding the cards over the flashlights. Nope. The paper wasn't thin enough to be see-through.**_

_**She flipped on the lights and began to pry open the envelopes, ever so gently. As she pushed and prodded the blade of the letter-opener under the flap, she also pushed away any guilt for opening her brother's mail.**_

_**She opened envelope after envelope. Kagome eagerly put on some gloves (so as to not leave fingerprints) and extracted the cards inside. They were all Valentine's Day cards. They looked really cheap, like they were bought at a dime store. **_

_**No, even dime store products had more class then these cards. These cards had really awkward, gross, and/or insulting phrases: **_

_**"Your hugs are so warm, your kisses so chaste. Wish I was a cannibal, cuz you sure suit my tastes."**_

_**"Ice pops are cold, cocoa is hot, I'll slurp you up cuz I like you a lot."**_

___(Hey, let me try!) "Chocolate is brown, hearts are red. If you won't be my valentine, I'll ask your best friend instead."_

_**"Roses are red, blue is the sky. If you won't be my valentine, I'll gorge myself till I die."**_

___(Eww...) "I smiled, I winked, I've been quite the flirt. So here's a valentine, cuz you're not too alert."_

_**(I am loathe to admit...that one was good.) "I think you're hot, I think you're cool. But if you won't be my valentine, I'll think you're a fool."**_

___(This is pretty fun!) "Cotton can breathe, silk costs too much. But we're tighter than spandex on a fat woman's butt."_

_**"Squirrels smell nutty, badgers smell fruity. But we go together like a skunk goes with stank."**_

___"You are so nice and you are so cute. If you were an anime, I'd cosplay as you."_

___"__**On a scale of sexy between one and ten, you're a ten multiplied by itself over and over again."**_

___(Sesshomaru, these are just 6th graders. They're not hormonally driven teenagers quite yet.)_

_**Each card was addressed to Sota, and signed. But much to Kagome's disappointment, each card was signed with a little drawing of a heart with the letter "A" in the middle. Kagome even tried using the magnifying glass to examine the handwriting, to see if there were any more clues to this mysterious girl.**_

_**Nothing. The only thing Kagome learned was that Sota's new girlfriend had really bad taste, or a warped sense of humor. Or both.**_

___Sighing, Kagome carefully slid the cards back into their envelopes. She used the glues to glue each envelope closed again. _

_She went outside and put them in the mailbox. She hid behind a bush and waited for Sota to get home._

_After a few minutes, he did, checking the mailbox. He grew a beaming smile as he saw the envelopes. _

_Kagome watched as he went inside to use the phone._

_"...Yeah, is Achoo there?"_

_Kagome blinked. Did Sota just sneeze? Why didn't he say the name?_

_"Hey! Thank's for the Valentine's cards. I'll totally be your valentine! You wanna go on a picnic? My mom made the food....Ok! See you there! Bye!"_

_Kagome cackled maniacally, only in her head. Now, she'd see this new girlfriend and learn her name!_

_**Kagome was no better than a stalker as she followed Sota to the nearby park. **_

_**One might question why she's sticking her nose where is doesn't belong. However, if you were to mention this to her, she would might respond, "Oh yeah? Well there is no word for 'privacy' in the Japanese language. It's a concept we don't even have a word for, so there. And I'm just a concerned sister, that's all. A concerned sister." **_

_**But she said nothing. That would blow her cover. Yet again, she was hiding behind a bush.**_

___At this rate, she should just custom-make her own bush costume._

_**Exactly. But Kagome just used what she had available, which was a normal bush.**_

_**She strained her pitiful human hearing and eavesdropped on their conversation.**_

_**"Sota, are there any napkins?"**_

_**"Umm... yeah, here!"**_

_**"Thanks," the mystery girl giggled.**_

_**Kagome sat there for the longest time. The sweet little couple talked about the weather, talked about their homework, talked about their favorite tv show... Kagome was bored out of her head. And all the while, not once was the mystery name mentioned.**_

___Kagome couldn't take it anymore. She leapt out from behind the bush and screamed, "Aha! So this is what I find you doing!"_

_Sota anime sweatdropped. "Uhh, yeah. Eating lunch, on a picnic, with my girlfriend... What's the big deal?"_

_Kagome was all sugar as she sat next to the little girl. _

_"My name's Kagome. Nice to meet you!" _

_The girl shook Kagome's hand timidly. "Nice to meet you too."_

_A vein popped in Kagome's forehead, contrasting with the friendly smile whe wore. "And what's your name?"_

_The girl began to fidget, looking more timid._

_Sota glared. "Lay off, Kagome, we're on a date!"_

_Kagome and Sota argued. The little girl only looked even more nervous and embarrassed. _

_Kagome felt an itch on her nose. She tried to ignore it and keep arguing with Sota, but it was a stubborn itch. _

_"AHH-CHOOO!"_

_The little girl burst into tears._

_Both Kagome and Sota were immediately at her side, comforting her. _

_Sota hissed at Kagome. "Now you've done it."_

_"Done what?!"_

_"Sneezed. Achoo hates it when people sneeze around her. She thinks they're talking to her."_

_"Eh?"_

_The girl sniffled. "My name is Achoo. It's...it's...." Achoo began bawling. "It's nice to meet you too, Kagome! Wahhh!"_

_**Kagome suddenly felt very awkward. And very, very guilty. **_

_**The poor little girl had an embarrassing name. That explained why Sota didn't introduce her, why the valentines were signed with a letter, and why Sota hardly used her name. **_

_**But it didn't explain the messed up green beans in the bento box.**_

___(I have an idea.) Kagome realized it must have been Buyo. He liked green beans, and he must have messed it up._

_**Kagome did the best thing she could ever do in this situation. She decided to leave before she made anything worse.**_

_**Her face was as red as Lord Sesshomaru's eyes were when they were overcome with demonic power. She hurried home, desperate to pack her things and go back to the feudal era. **_

_**She didn't quite make it, though. Sota was chasing her. Kagome was crossing the street and he blocked her way, waiting for her on the sidewalk.**_

_**"Kagome...."**_

_**"Sota, I'm sorry, I didn't know!"**_

_**"Now she's gonna dump me!"**_

_**"I'm so sorry! I'll apologize!"**_

_**Kagome was, however, unable to do anything but scream in terror. A delivery truck was hurtling at her, honking. It's accelerator pedal was stuck.**_

_**Kagome called to Sota. "Sota, tell Mom I love her! Tell Inuyasha he's a jerk and tell Lord Sesshomaru that he always had my unswerving loyalty... and that I thought he was really hot!"**_

_**Sota could only watch as--**_

_**(**__You make me sick sometimes, you know that?) _

_(__**Allow me to finish, pitiful human.)**_

_**(**__No one could say that much before they're about to be run over!)_

_Kagome leapt out of the way just in time, while Sota watched, wide-eyed._

_**Sadly, Kagome landed on an ice cream cone someone dropped, and slipped. She landed directly in oncoming traffic.**_

___But then Inuyasha's figure was seen, a heroic silhouette against the bright sun. Bystanders shielded their eyes as he swept Kagome away from the cars._

_**However, Inuyasha lost his grip on the human, and she fell into the road. A semi truck ran over her, and she died.**_

_**(**__Oh yeah?) Well Inuyasha had tenseiga, which he took from Sesshomaru. He brought Kagome back to life._

_**(Oh no, you don't.) Inuyasha was not the true master of the sword, so Tenseiga self-destructed as soon as Inuyasha's hand touched the hilt. He was killed instantly, and shrapnel bombarded Kagome. She died and --"**_

___(Quit that!)_

(Musicookie attacked Sesshoaru's laptop with a sledgehammer.)

_Kagome suddenly woke up, sweating. She breathed heavily and looked around her room. _

_Ahhh, Kagome thought. So the whole thing was just a dream. No one had died after all. _

Sesshomaru called to Myoga. "Musicookie should be disqualified. She cheated."

"I did not!"

"You smashed my laptop."

"You were killing everyone again! I wanted a story to end without death, for once!"

Myoga sighed. "You know, I wonder if we should just make this round null. This is the first story that had no real ending due to you two arguing."

Musicookie threw up her hands in frustration. "So you're telling me I did all this for nothing?! Why can't we just use the good stuff we had? You know, before the argument?"

"Very well. Kagome, Inuyasha, Kagome's mom, Grandpa, and Achoo, please award your points."

Kagome screamed, "I can't believe you, Sesshomaru! You just couldn't let me live, could you! And I'm not loyal to you!"

Sesshomaru smirked. "Yet you don't deny that I'm hot."

Kagome's face turned red. "Shut up, you egotistical idiot!"

"You think this Sesshomaru is attractive. Who can blame you, human. "

Kagome jumped Sesshomaru, trying to strangle him, shrieking like a bat.

Musicookie intervened. She typed, _Kagome calmed down and stopped trying to murder Sesshomaru._

Kagome stopped, but she still looked angry. She growled, "Musicookie, you get all four of my points."

Kagome stomped away.

Myoga smiled nervously. While Kagome was trying to kill Sesshomaru, the other 4 characters awarded their points. Adding Kagome's, Musicookie was awarded 11 points, and Sesshomaru was awarded 9 points."

"Now, for our story judge. Kohaku, you have family strife and you live a mysterious kind of life. You'd be the perfect judge."

Kohaku paled. Both Musicookie and Sesshomaru gave him the patented glares of death.

Kokaku swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing. "Ummm... Musicookie was nice when she wrote. Like when she tried to save Kagome. She was also funny. She directed the story in places. Her grammar is fine. She's detailed. I give her 4 of 5 points."

"Sesshomaru used lots of interesting words.__He introduced the valentine's part, which was the funniest part in the story. He didn't direct the story's plot much, aside from trying to kill Kagome at the end. His writing style is fun to read, though. Umm, I guess I'll give him 3 of 5 points."

Kohaku hid behind Sango.

Musicookie laughed. "Yay! I won! I got 15 points! 15 whole points!"

Rin frowned. "Lord Sesshomaru, you only have 12 points."

Sesshomaru made that little "hm" noise he does, walking away.

Musicookie said, "What's his problem? Oh well. I've gotta go, I need to help with dinner. See you later, guys!"

She saved and closed the document.

------------------------------------

A/N: Hey guys! Merry Christmas! I was debating on whether to update or not, but I didn't wanna let you guys down. Um... What else? I didn't proofread this thoroughly (random note: I hate the words through and thorough. They're too much alike) so there might be some mistakes. I hope you guys liked this chapter.

And .... yeah, there's no preview today. Sorry! I don't have the next chapter written yet. Usually I keep up with that, but I've been busy.

PuppiesAreAdorable, I did it. I used your line, "We're tighter than spandex on a fat woman's butt." I hope I did it justice. It feels like there's a great weight lifted from my shoulders now.

-----------------------------------

Review responses!:

SassyBratt - Even though it was supposed to be angst, it was still meant to be funny. Like this chapter. It was mystery/family, but that by itself is boring. I try to make things funny. Just wait till I get to the tragedy genre. I'll bet I can make even that funny.

chennigirl123 - Thanks! I was hoping this was original. Glad you like it!

hintr - Thanks! I plan to squeeze all I can out of this story, so no one should worry that I'll abandon it.

---------------------------------

Not all of the valentine's phrases were mine. I wish I were that original, but no. I got them from ....

brownielocks dot com slash valentinelimericks dot h t m l

and from

valentines-day dot 123holiday dot net slash funny underscore poems dot h t m l


	6. Round 4: AdventureSuspense

Chapter 6

Normal font like this the 'reality' in the story.

_Musicookie's lines of the story are in italics._

_**Sesshomaru's lines of the story are in bold italics.**_

Score thus far: Musicookie 24, Sesshomaru 21

---------------------------------

Musicookie opened the document and flinched. Lately, she'd been afraid of the things she might find inside. She opened her eyes warily and saw that everyone was standing around, not doing anything.

"Hey guys, isn't it boring being in here? All you do is stand around and do nothing."

Kagome shrugged. "We surf the web. We read fanfictions."

Shippo chirped, "We even use your credit card number to bid for stuff on ebay!"

"You WHAT?!"

"Umm, I was just kidding! ... Kidding..." said Shippo. But man, was Shippo looking forward to getting those Pokemon cards. He'd bought $200 worth of them. He even got the holographic ones! Those were his favorite. They were so shiny! He wondered when they'd ever arrive in the mail.

Musicookie growled. "If any of you charge stuff to my card, I'll be ruined."

Naraku laughed evilly, "Perfect! Kagura, Kanna! Buy everything! Ruin our authoress!"

"I'd wait a second if I were you... To make the payments, you know what I would sell first? This laptop."

Everyone gasped as one. Except Sesshomaru.

"That means none of you would have anyplace to go. Well, maybe I'd sell you guys on fanfiction . net to the highest bidder."

Everyone gasped.

Sesshomaru pointed out, "You don't own any of us anyway. You couldn't sell us. You don't own the copyright."

Musicookie nodded. "True. However... If I were to sell my laptop, where would you guys live?"

Musicookie glared at them all menacingly. "I'll tell you where you'd live. I'd upload this document onto my flash drive, and you guys would be stuck in it forever. No better than a prison."

Naraku screamed. "No! I take it back! I take it back! I don't want to be in there, it only has 247 megabytes! It's so cramped! There would never be any room for me to just relax and spread my tentacles!"

Musicookie rolled her eyes, and turned to Shippo. Her expression softened. "Be a good boy and forget my credit card number, OK?"

Shippo nodded, feeling horribly guilty. Musicookie wouldn't be happy when she found a package full of Pokemon cards on her doorstep within 3-5 business days.

"You know," mused Musicookie. "There's nothing stopping me from punishing you guys...that is, if you misbehave."

Shippo paled.

"I was thinking...just so you guys are warned...I could write punishment fics."

Everyone's eyes widened. Even Sesshomaru's.

"I could make one go through degrading and embarrassing situations..."

Insert collective gasp here.

"Torturous pairings..."

Many felt sick to their stomach.

"Tragic character deaths..."

Shippo fainted.

"Yeah..." said Musicookie, deep in thought. "Well, back to business. Alright, who's ready for round three! I am. Myoga, what's the genre this time?"

There was an uncomfortable silence as the characters recovered from their horror. The threat loomed like a low flying Zeppelin blimp over their heads. They all felt it. Musicookie may have been "competing" with Sesshomaru, but in reality, she held the power. She always did, she always would.

"Well?" Musicookie asked.

Myoga hopped up to her shoulder. "Yo! The genre for round four is adventure/suspense! Usual rules apply, must be 18 or older to call, see store for details, yada yada yada... And will you two try to keep the fighting to a minimum? Begin!"

_Koga slammed his fists on the stone table._

_"What do you mean, I can't be pack leader?!"_

_The elder wolf nodded his grey head. "Indeed. We as wolves want the best possible pack leader. Our records show that you haven't sufficiently proven yourself for...3 months. If you don't prove yourself by... let's see... tomorrow, Ginta will be the new pack leader."_

_"WHAT?!?!?! Ginta?! And I've only got till tomorrow?! Why didn't I know of this sooner?!"_

_The grey wolf elder stood up. "Don't ask me why you don't pay attention. And besides, At least now you'll be in a rush. Deadlines bring out the best (or worst) in people. Adios, Koga."_

_Koga's eyes were wide and frantic as he watched the wolf walk away. And why did he speak Spanish? Weren't these Japanese wolves? Oh well._

_Koga sped away, the shards in his legs supplying energy to his body, its power rushing through his veins. _

_Koga's feet barely touched the ground as he ran somewhere, anywhere, to find a way to prove himself._

_"How can I prove myself by tomorrow? Conquest of the northern tribe? No, I can't start and end a war in a day. Defeating Naraku? No, no one can even find him."_

_Koga suddenly stopped, disgust twisting his face. He lifted his foot and looked at the sole. "Aw, crap! I stepped in dog poo!"_

_**Evil laughter was heard. The ominous chuckles seemed to come from all directions, so Koga was unable to locate the source of the voice.**_

_**"Koga... I am aware of your predicament..."**_

_**"Yeah, you got a towel? This smells like crap."**_

_**"It is crap, but that's not what I meant. You will lose your role as pack leader if you do not prove yourself within a day, no?"**_

_**Koga coughed. "Yeah, but seriously, is there a stream around here or something so I can rinse off my foot? I can't breathe."**_

_**"That matters not! Koga!"**_

_**Koga was getting ticked. "What?!"**_

_**"I will help you!"**_

_**"Who the heck are you and why do you wanna help me?"**_

_**Koga heard the chortles of doom again. Who was this person?**_

_**"I am your future wife! If I help you, you must marry me."**_

_**Koga looked hopeful. "Kagome, is that you?"**_

_**Koga heard an agonized and strangled scream, then saw a red and white blur. He felt a stinging slap on his cheek.**_

_**"What the- ...Ayame?"**_

_**"Yeah." Ayame glared. "Ay-a-me. Not Ka-go-me. And I don't care if the 'me' syllables are the same! I will have you! No one else can have you!!!"**_

_**"...Ok, that's not creepy at all. But listen, I don't need your help. I can prove myself by myself."**_

_**Ayame poked his breastplate. "Yeah, but I know where a stream is. And, I have a towel."**_

_**"Fine," Koga grudgingly growled. **_

___One rinse of the feet later, the two were on their way. _

_Ayame said, "I've got the perfect idea! There's a rare item, it's a --_

_**Block of holy (not holey) cheese, carved into the likeness of Lord Sesshomaru."**_

___Koga shook his head in disbelief. "That's so stupid. That's so incredibly stupid that it reaches a whole new level of stupid. Why should we get a stupid cheese statue?"_

_"It's in a cave called the 'Cave of Really Hard Tribulation.' I reckon making it through something with that kind of name is proving yourself."_

_"Fine, but as soon as we get the cheese statue, I'm biting his head off."_

_".... I get to eat the fluffy." _

_Koga gave her a weird look, and Ayame blushed._

_Koga scoffed. "Whatever, but I get the head."_

_A while later, they arrived at the entrance of the Cave of Really Hard Tribulation._

_There was a sign hanging over the enterance. It said, "Welcome to the Cave of Really Hard Tribulation! Gift shop (arrow pointing right) Bathrooms (arrow point left) Information Counter (arrow pointing further inside)"_

_A tour guide latched himself to their sides. He wore a brightly colored baseball cap, and a shirt that said, 'Caves of Really Hard Tribulation: Best sightseeing this side of Mt. Fuji.' He also had a nametag pinned to the front of the shirt. It said, 'Hello, my name is __Jared.'_

___"Weeelll, hey howdy! My name's Jared!"_

_"I can read, Jared," drawled Koga, the name unfamiliar to his tongue. "This is the Cave of Really Hard Tribulation? Why is it a tourist attraction?"_

_Jared only wore an unwavering smile. "Come, I'll give you the grand tour!"_

_The caverns were empty, lit only by Jared's torch. Other staff members wearing clothing like Jared stood here and there, smiling widely and saying,"Don't forget to visit the gift stop," "To our left is the Duck Formation, named so because the rock were shaped by erosion and it looks like a duck," and "If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask a staff member."_

_They all continued to smile, staring ahead with empty and slightly glazed eyes._

_Koga whispered to Ayame, "You sure this is the right place?"_

_Ayame nodded, the flower in her hair bobbing up and down._

_**After walking a distance in the cave, Jared suddenly stopped. **_

_**Koga was annoyed. "What now?!"**_

_**Jared smiled at them. "You haven't stopped at the gift shop yet. If you have a coupon, you can get 20% off on Cave of Really Hard Tribulation snowglobes."**_

_**Ayame said in a careful, wary voice, "We haven't passed by any giftshops, this is just a cave. And what's a snowglobe?"**_

_**Jared smiled, eyes wide and empty, "Indeed. What is a snowglobe? Look in your pamphlet."**_

_**"We didn't get pamphlets."**_

_**"Oh?" said Jared, innocently. He reached in his pocket and pulled out some tourist pamphlets. **_

_**"Well, here you go!"**_

_**Jared suddenly flung the pamphlets. Koga and Ayame dodged, and it was lucky they did. The pamphlets shot through the air like ninja throwing stars. They embedded themselves in the damp stone walls of the caves.**_

_**"What's wrong with you?!" yelled Koga, his voice echoing in the cave. It was like an army of Kogas was screaming, "What's wrong with you?!" over and over again.**_

_**"Don't forget to visit the gift shop!" Jared repeated.**_

_**Other voices joined in. More tour guides were walking towards them, all chanting in unison, "Don't forget to visit the gift shop" over and over again. Their hands reached for Koga and Ayame, and some were holding pamphlets of death.**_

_**Koga leapt into action, punching Jared in the gut. Jared didn't even seem to notice. **_

_**Ayame noticed the lack of response in Jared. Experimenting, she threw a leaf, and it made a cut in Jared's arm. It didn't bleed.**_

_**"Koga, I don't think these are normal tour guides! They're zombies!"**_

_**"I figured that much out!" grunted Koga. He beat tour guides into the ground, but they stood up again, unfazed. They continued to close in on the two wolf demons, trying to pin them against the wall.**_

_**"Let's just get that cheese and get outta here!" **_

_**Ayame nodded, and hurled sharp leaves into the mass of tour guides.**_

___Using their superhuman speed and jumping abilities, the two leapt free of the mass. They raced through the caverns, dodging pamphlets and making their way ever deeper. _

_A smell hit Koga's nose. "Cheese!" he screamed._

_They made it to the final room. There it was. The cheese statue of Sesshomaru stood tall and proud on a plinth. It was a yellow orange color._

_"Go on, get it," whined Ayame. _

_"Why me?"_

_Distant footsteps reached their ears. "Just get it, Koga!"_

_Koga stepped forward and grabbed the cheese. He expected something to happen, like darts shooting out of a wall or a trapdoor opening under his feet, but nothing._

_Well, a pamphlet saying, "Cheese statue souvenirs available in gift shop! Limited supply, buy yours now!" lodged itself in the wall near Koga's head. _

_"Now, now..." said Jared, his voice echoing eerily in the cavern. "Didn't you see the sign? No touching."_

_Koga sneered, and with one quick motion, he bit the cheese head cleanly off the neck. He chewed a couple of times and spat it on the floor. Sesshomaru's cheese head was now a misshapen blob. _

_The tour guides stood frozen in shock. A voice came from behind them._

_"Oh no, you didn't." It was Kagura._

_Koga snarled. "You!! I'll kill you!"_

_"How could you ever hurt me..." chuckled Kagura._

_Koga smiled evily, and raised his foot. Kagura's eyes tracked the movement and widened as he stepped on what was once Sesshomaru's cheese head._

_He pressed harder, and a squishing sound was heard. _

_"No, stop! ...Grr! What do you want, wolf!"_

_"I need proof that I made it through this Cave of Really Hard Tribulation."_

_"No," moaned Kagura, "Anything but the statue!" She appeared to think for a moment, then handed Koga one of her fans._

_Koga looked at it, flipping it open. "So?"_

_"So, there's your proof. Now just leave already. I need to make a new cheese head."_

_Koga shrugged. He and Ayame left. They ran home, arriving with plenty of time to spare._

_**The elder wolf was delighted. "The fan was the weapon of the lady who slaughtered the wolves. To have taken her weapon from her must have been an amazing challenge, and with this, you've just proven yourself 10 times over!"**_

_**Koga and Ayame failed to mention that all he had to do to get the weapon was step on a blob of cheese, but whatever.**_

_**Later, they lounged in the grass, watching the clouds pass through a deep blue sky.**_

_**Ayame looked at Koga thoughtfully. "Wasn't it sort of anti-climactic that all we had to do was run in a cave, threaten a cheese statue, and leave without a problem?"**_

_**Koga nodded. "Who knows why things happen like they do?"**_

_**They sat there, watching the clouds.**_

_**"Koga, now that you've proven yourself and get to stay pack leader, what are you gonna do now? Important pack leader matters?"**_

_**"...Nah. I'm kinda hungry. I feel like something cheesy."**_

_**"Marry me, and I'll make you all the nachos, mac and cheese, quesadillas, and fried cheese sticks you'll ever want for the rest of your life."**_

_**Koga pondered for a moment, weighing his options. He loved Kagome, but guaranteed cheese and a devoted -- no, scratch that-- obsessive wife were pretty tempting.**_

_**"Ok. ...So, what were you saying about nachos?"**_

__Myoga paused, waiting for something to go wrong. Anything to go wrong. He looked at both authors. They each sat quietly and patiently at their desks. No angry glares, no sledgehammers, no hissed threats.

"For the first time, I think we've had a story with absolutely no conflict between the authors!"

There was polite applause from the Inuyasha Cast.

Musicookie shook her head. "Sesshomaru interrupted me with the cheese statue. I didn't even have anything like that in mind."

Myoga said, "Yeah, but you didn't fight him. You went along with it and it became such a vital part of the story."

"Now, for our judging. Koga, Ayame, if you would?"

Koga shrugged. "Musicookie made me all macho. I ain't complaining. But she did make me step in..." Koga shuddered. "She let me eat cheese, she even let me maim cheese. As for the dog, he made Ayame slap me. But he gave me good fighting scenes. But...he made me all thoughtful at the end. I ain't a pensive person, so that was a little out of character on his part. I want 3 points to Musicookie and 1 point to the dog."

Ayame stepped forward. "Sesshomaru introduced me to the story. I wouldn't have been in it otherwise. But he also made me a crazy stalker! I didn't want that. I prefer the term 'determined devotee,' not 'creepy' or 'obsessive!' Such stinging language... As for Musicookie, she allowed me dibs on the cheese fluffy." Ayame eyed the real fur boa draped over Sesshomaru's shoulder with a wistful look. "And she was nice enough to notice the little details about me, like the flower in my hair. She also had me suggest going to the cave. I guess... 2 points to Musicookie and 2 points to Sesshomaru."

Myoga clapped his little hands. "Now, our judge. Inuyasha, if you will."

"Me?! Ok then, Musicookie wins."

"That's not how it works, Inuyasha. Be a real judge."

"Tch! Fine. Uh, grammar. Both were fine. Vocabulary. ...man. Sesshomaru did better. Let's see, um... plot. Both of 'em introduced plot points and stuff. Character depiction. Jared was a nice original character. Kagura was a little OOC. Humor. I think Musicookie was funnier. Writing style... Sesshomaru had the best. As for action scenes, Sesshomaru did a better job. I could tell Musicookie was trying to raise the suspense, but not like it scared me or anything, so none of you get the wrong idea, got it?! .... and yeah, I liked that the ending ended. Like, normally and stuff. I want... 4 points for Musicookie and 3 for Sesshomaru."

Kagura sauntered forward. "What about me?"

Myoga said, "You only have three lines, and your role wasn't big at all. Sorry, but there isn't any real worth in having you award points."

Kagura glared at Musicookie. "Why even put me in, then?"

"Someone had to animate the zombie tour guides."

"Alright!" cried Myoga. "6 points to Musicookie and 5 to Sesshomaru! Very close round this time. And again, congratulations for ending a story in harmony, you two.

Musicookie smiled, tempted to hug Sesshomaru's fluffy boa and squeal "Yay! Harmony!" She refrained from doing so, not wanting to ruin the moment with an angry Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru said nothing and looked expressionless, which we all know he's good at doing.

"Today was a great day, you guys! It's days like this that I don't regret having you guys in my life!"

Kagome frowned. "Gee, thanks, Musicookie."

Only Musicookie's cheerful grin answered Kagome. Musicookie left, tired because it was one in the morning, yet happy that the chapter had gone well.

--------------------

A/N: Hi guys! Happy New Year's! It's the new year as I write this, but I wrote this chapter last week. Why is does 'Year's' have an apostrophe? The year isn't possessing anything, nor is it a contraction. ??? English is weird. I don't have much to say. Let me think of something...

Ok, got something, it's pretty random. You ever wonder how many kleenexes one person uses in their whole lifetime? Someone should find that out, I bet it's a lot.

I have an anorexic fish. It's a blue beta fish named Mandark. He has no interest in food. Yesterday, we fed him and he ate only one pellet. His head twitched oddly, like he was spasming. Then he became completely still. He didn't move for a long time. I was like, "Man! He choked. We killed him!" But my brother tapped the glass and Mandark moved, so it was ok. I hope Mandark eats soon.

---------------------------

Review responses! Thanks! :

Sassybratt - Yeah! In reality, I am a better writer than the Musicookie in the story, because I write what she writes. I calculate every word. And I write better than Sesshomaru, too. I was thinking about all this just a while ago. I liked the end too -- it was hilarious to picture in my head. Kagome getting put in and out of danger, and being killed and revived on top of it. Happy Holidays to you too, but it's a bit late...

TotallyAzure - Oh no! Somebody noticed! I need to find a rock to hide under! But yeah, I did. I was just gonna have the characters rebel and see what happened, but everything changed when Sesshomaru challenged Musicookie in chapter 2. Go figure. People seem to like it, though, so I'm fine with it.

PuppiesAreAdorable - ok, zomg. Let's start with the long review...I like tomatoes. I see this is going to be a problem. I like how you made this review almost a part of the story. I realize now that I need to keep Sesshomaru and Inuyasha on tighter leashes -- I can't have them wandering around the internet and loitering on people's hardrives! And lol, pancakes. Pancakes are funny, aren't they? Now for the shorter review. Yes! I used the line! I feel you holding my soul. And let me tell you something -- your hands are cold. No...quit poking it! Stop poking my soul!

hitntr - Thanks! Yeah, Musicookie and Sesshomaru often butt heads over something or another. Like I said in Sassybratt's review response just above, the ending for chapter 5 was fun for me to write.

-----------------------

Next chapter preview:

_**Rin nodded. "Jaken's voice grates against my soul like rubbing your eyeballs on a bed of nails. And Ah-Un always looks at me funny, like I'd be a tasty snack."**_

_**Midoriko sighed. "I also am plagued by my companions. Mine rage an eternal war with me inside a tiny purple rock. I'm stuck there."**_

_**Rin's eyes were wide as she stared at the woman. Great, thought Rin. Of all the people I meet, I meet the crazy ones.**_


	7. Round 5: SupernaturalFriendship

Chapter 7

Normal font like this the 'reality' in the story.

_Musicookie's lines of the story are in italics._

_**Sesshomaru's lines of the story are in bold italics.**_

Score thus far: Musicookie 30, Sesshomaru 26

------------------------------

"Good morning, guys!"

Inuyasha and Naraku were arguing. "iPues bien, puedes saltar por un acantilado y explotar en el aire para todos los que me importa!" (Spanish, Well then, you can jump off a cliff and explode midair for all I care!)

"Olora com una cabra i humides han de ser trepitjats pels cavalls enutjat!" (Catalan, You smell like a wet goat and need to be trampled by angry horses!)

Musicookie was staring in confusion. "Anyone care to tell me what they're arguing about?"

Kagome shook her head. "I think it was originally about their favorite flavor of pudding. Inuyasha likes chocolate, and Naraku likes butterscotch. But what they're arguing about now, I have no idea. Sesshomaru started playing with Google Translate while they argued, and ... well, look."

"Vos cheveux ressemble vieux chiffons sales que d'un chat vomi!" (French, Your hair looks like old dirty rags that a cat vomited on!)

"Meglio di un cucciolo che ha bisogno di suo papa la spada per fare qualcosa!!" (Italian, Better than being a puppy who needs his daddy's sword to do anything.)

"Laten we een spelletje spelen. U moet de spin ik gebruik de opgerolde krant te vernietigen je hoofd." (Dutch, Let's play a game. you be the spider and I'll use the rolled-up newspaper to destroy your head.)

"Ich mochte Sie versuchen." (German, I'd like to see you try.)

Musicookie held her hands over her ears. "Language overload! Sesshomaru! Where are you?!"

She spotted Sesshomaru standing in a corner, fiddling with Google Translate.

"Hey, you! Gimme that window!"

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow. "No."

"Oh yeah? Be that way." Musicookie's fingers flew across the trackpad, clicking the X in the corner of the window. Sesshomaru glared at her, so she starting clicking on him. She could tell it was hard for him to stay still. Was Sesshomaru ticklish?

"Desist this behavior."

Musicookie clicked on his nose in reply. She clicked on his hair, his feet, his fluffy thing, She clicked on his stomach and his leg began to twitch.

Her eyes widened. "No way! My dog does that!"

She clicked rapidly and his leg wiggled in a steady rhythm. Everyone was laughing at the sight of the great lord struggling with his twitchy leg.

Something in Sesshomaru snapped. He whipped out Tokijin, slicing the infuriating cursor cleanly in two.

"Dude! You killed it!" Musicookie went to pick up the pieces. "Now what do I do?"

An idea came to her. She spat out the bubble gum she was chewing and used it to stick the two halves of the little arrow together.

"There, fixed!! Sesshomaru, don't do that again or I'll ductape you to a chair and make you poof me cookies. Wait, why does that sound familiar? Oh well. Myoga, let's get started! I ain't getting any younger!"

"Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle. Let's get this show on the road, homies. The genre today is supernatural/friendhip. It's chapter 7 already, so if readers have gotten this far, they should have an idea of how this works. Begin, homies!"

_Midoriko knew she only had a short time before the sacred jewel lassoed her inside again. Once a month, the demons inside couldn't stand her and her temper (and heightened powers). They let her walk free in the world of the mortals for around 3-5 days. Why? It was Midoriko's time of the month, if you know what I mean. _

_Midoriko growled at the sun. It was too bright. A bird chirped cheerfully to her left. She glared at it so hard, it was struck dead instantly. It fell through the branches and landed with a thump on the ground. _

_Midoriko turned to walk away. Behind her, she heard little sniffles. She looked at the source of the sound._

_It was a little girl with a pigtail on one side of ther head. She wore a bright, checkered Kimono. The colors gave Midoriko a headache. _

_Midoriko sighed. "What is it, little girl?"_

_Rin held a stick and was poking the dead bird gingerly. "You...you killed Kurenitsukajiriramenshiromenotakugosaimaru."_

_"...Who?"_

_"My bird...I was watching over him. He fell out of a nest when he was a baby and I raised him and protected him. _

_Through the fog of her annoyance at the world in general, she felt bad for the girl and guilty for killing the bird. _

_Midoriko went to the girl, squatting and patting the girl's back. "I'm sorry, child. Can I give you something to make it up to you?"_

_With a tear-stained face, Rin looked at the woman. The woman's features were elegant and wise, tinged with annoyance and guilt. _

_"Otay."_

_"Okay has a /k/ in it. Please say it correctly, child."_

_"Okay."_

_**Midoriko took Rin to a nearby stream. "Here, child. Pick out the prettiest pebbles you can find, and I'll show you a surprise."**_

_**Rin hopped right in the river, splashing Midoriko with water. Midoriko nearly gave Rin the death stare, but the girl looked happy. It seemed the girl forgot the bird for a moment. Midorko wanted to keep it that way. **_

_**Rin selected a few handfuls of pebbles. Most were grey, but some were white and others were flecked with red. Only a few were a brillant amber color, like sunkissed honey, or like a glowing sunset. Like beaten gold glinting in the warmth of an afternoon sun. Come to think of it, the pebbles were similar in brilliance to Lord Sesshomaru's eyes...**_

_You mean they were yellow like a bumblebee's butt? Like yellow slime fungus growing a rotten log? Like old earwax on a q-tip? Like overly sour lemonade that makes people sick? Like the bleached blond hair on a playboy bunny? Like the expelled contents of one's stomach after eating too many bananas? Like uri--_

_**Shut up.**_

_You have to admit you set yourself up for it._

_**Rin gave the pebbles to Midoriko, still a little wary in the bird-killing woman's presence. **_

_**Midoriko cleaned the pebbles in the water, and laid them on a rock to dry. **_

_**"Child, come and tell me. Why is a human girl like you out here in a forest full of demons?"**_

_**Rin shyly sat near Midoriko. "I am safe. My Lord Sesshomaru keeps me safe, and if anything happens to me, he'll come to save me. He always does."**_

_**"So it's just you out here?"**_

_**"Master Jaken and Ah-un are my traveling companions too. But I gave them the slip." Rin giggled.**_

_**"Do they annoy you?"**_

_**Rin nodded. "Jaken's voice grates against my soul like rubbing your eyeballs on a bed of nails. And Ah-Un always looks at me funny, like I'd be a tasty snack."**_

_**Midoriko sighed. "I also am plagued by my companions. Mine rage an eternal war with me inside a tiny purple rock. I'm stuck there."**_

_**Rin's eyes were wide as she stared at the woman. Great, thought Rin. Of all the people I meet, I meet the crazy ones.**_

_**"If you're stuck there, why are you here now?"**_

_**"...You're too young possibly know why."**_

_**Rin blinked. "Why?"**_

_**"Drop it, child."**_

_Rin giggled and stood up, running around with her arms spread wide. "Look! I'm an eagle!"_

_"An eagle? Why not a sparrow? Or a crane?"_

_Rin shook her head. "Eagles fly high and proud in the sky, watching their territory. Who wants to be a plain sparrow or a flashy crane? Eagles take care of themselves."_

_Midoriko felt a bit of fondness for the child. Midoriko remembered her past as a human priestess. She wasn't plain and common, like the other shrine priestesses -- she had been special. And yet she didn't act flashy or famous for having such profound spiritual powers. Midoriko's role was that of an eagle; powerful and elegant, with a duty to protect. _

_Midoriko gathered the pebbles. Rin stopped running around and came to Midoriko's side. Together, they arranged the pebbles in the sequence they desired. _

_Midoriko's hand glowed with a soft violet light, and she passed her hand over the line of pebbles. Each pebble transformed into a pearl, with a little hole that went through it. _

_Midoriko plucked a hair from her scalp, and it glowed. Midoriko threaded it through the pearls to make a long string of beads. Midoriko added an extra burst of spiritual energy, infusing the pearls with a protective charm._

_"Here, child." A few drops of sweat rolled down Midoriko's temples. Yesterday had been a particularly fierce fight with the demons in the jewel, and Midoriko's powers still had to recover. _

_**A smile lit Rin's face and she pulled the beads over her head. "Thanks, lady! They're so beautiful."**_

_**Midoriko smiled sadly. "You're welcome. I have a lot of experience with making little round stones, so it was easy for me."**_

_**Midoriko put her hand to her heart, drawing shaky breaths. Her aura pulsed. **_

_**"Already?" she gasped.**_

_**"Lady? What's wrong?"**_

_**Midoriko patted Rin on the head and said, "I must leave now."**_

_**Midoriko walked away and Rin watched with curious eyes. Rin knew it wasn't polite, but she followed the woman, ducking behind a tree when Midoriko stopped. **_

_**Midoriko began to glow with a purple light, fading slowly as the jewel beckoned her spirit to return. Midoriko closed her eyes, unresisting against the pull of the jewel. **_

_**One thought floated through her mind. The smile of the girl. She had been so pleased with the necklace. **_

_**Midoriko's eyes opened. She never had asked the girl's name. And now she would never know. And soon, the face of the girl would fade from her memories as the battle in the jewel rages on. A twinge of regret ran through Midoriko. **_

_**But what could she do? Midoriko relaxed and faded away from the mortal world completely. **_

_**Rin watched, clutching the pearls around her neck with her small hand.**_

_**"Rin! Rin! Where are you! Oh, Lord Sesshomaru will KILL me if anything happenes to you!"**_

_**Jaken walked up, so flustered that his green skin was tinged red. **_

_**"Rin, there you are. Let's go."**_

_**Rin pulled her eyes away from the spot where the mysterious woman vanished, and followed -- the pearls around her neck sparkling in the sun.**_

There were tears brimming in Kagome's eyes. She ran forward and hugged Rin and Midoriko.

"That was so beautiful!"

Musicookie nodded. "They call you the Ice Prince, Sesshomaru. But I always knew you had a heart in you somewhere, even if it is surrounded by walls of ice."

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes. "I have no heart. A warrior shouldn't show emotions, they drag one down in battle and cloud judgement. This Sesshomaru only wants the satisfaction of winning against you. Nothing more."

Musicookie smirked. "Sure, sure. Whatever you say."

Myoga called Rin and Midoriko. "Rin?"

Rin shook her head. "Musicookie, why did you make me exhibit disordered articulation? You dare call yourself a Speech-Language Pathology Major? You know full well that /k/ is one of the first consonants that a baby can say. But I am a proud 8 years old."

Musicookie smiled. "Yes, but I wanted to depict you as innocent and childlike, and children sometimes exhibit phoneme errors. So sue me."

"What else was wrong? Hmm...What the heck was up with my bird's name? That was messed up. The only parts I didn't mind was the parts with the bird comparisons and when you gave me the necklace. ...I give you 1 point, Musicookie."

"Ok, ouch."

"As for Sesshomaru, I liked his depiction of me. He gave me spunk, actual intelligence, and a real personality. The only thing I didn't like was how he made me worship and praise him. But what's new? Rin must always kiss the ground Sesshomaru walks on. I give Sesshomaru 3 points."

Sesshomaru was inwardly smiling. You could see it in his eyes.

Midoriko began to speak. "You wrote me in a bad mood, Musicookie, and you made me kill a bird. What was up with all the birds in the story, Musicookie? But you made up for it later. You delved into my history as a priestess, and you wrote a very detailed description me making the necklace. I decide to award you 1 point."

_An ice cream cone, with generous scoops of cherry and chocolate ice cream, magically appeared in Midoriko's hands,_ typed Musicookie. "Thanks, Midoriko. I'll admit -- it was fun writing you. Though I wish you would have given me more points..."

Midoriko licked her ice cream as she continued. "Sesshomaru, you made me sound like a batty old hag with a strange obsession for small, round, purple rocks. But the ending scene was touching. You gave me a soul and showed the readers the emotions churning in my heart. It was very nice, although it was short. I give you 3 points."

Myoga selected the judge for the round. He chose Kikyo, since she was supernatural and had friendships at one point in her life...death... life and death... whatever.

"Musicookie and Sesshomaru wrote humorous and serious in this story. And though it interrupted the flow of the story, I have to say I thought Musicookie's interjection was quite funny. It was an effective way to get Sesshomaru to stop talking about himself. Musicookie's bird similes were artfully executed. Musicookie did an okay job of fulfilling the friendship of the genre, but not so much with the supernatural part. I award you 3 of 5 points. "

"Sesshomaru did well to have Midoriko feel a connection to Rin, and vise versa. The ending scene was a masterpiece, displaying the emotions of both parties, and fulfilling meeting the supernatural and friendship qualifications perfectly. However, you wrote disrespectfully of Midoriko, and you praised yourself. I award you 4 of 5 points.

Sesshomaru pictured a chess board in his mind. He pictured his white bishop take Musicookie's black king. Checkmate, said the Sesshomaru in Sesshomaru's mind. The Musicookie in Sesshomaru's mind exploded into thousands of dog treats, and they rained through the air. With unbridled glee, Sesshomaru made snow angels in the dog treats that littered the ground. Dog treat angels. And then --

"Sesshomaru. Hello?" said Big Daddy. "You won."

Sesshomaru didn't want to lose face, and said, "Yes."

Musicookie typed herself an vanilla ice cream cone. "Man! I lost. I can't believe I only got 5 points and Sesshomaru got 10 points. Zomg. That puts him in the lead."

Sesshomaru looked at her, and said, "Checkmate."

Musicookie shrugged. "I'll make up for it in the next round. Enjoy your victory now, Sessomaru, for it won't last."

"Hmph."

"Yeah, 'hmph' to you too."

Musicookie waved goodbye to the Inuyasha cast and left, making sure to save.

------------------------

A/N: Hey guys! Let's see...today's chapter. I love languages. If I could have a superpower, I would have a really hard time choosing between being able to fly or being able to speak all languages.

So what was up with the bird's name, _Kurenitsukajiriramenshiromenotakugosaimaru? _I was trying to make a point. I think it's funny when people get all japaneesy with their fics, adding all the honorifics and stuff. And more, like youkai, hanyou, oni, miko, tajiya, kitsune, taisho, nani, kami, ne... I think all this is unneeded. Just like how they translated the manga and anime into english, we're writing these fics in the English language, and there are equivalent words. Miko is priestess. Why not write priestess? I don't litter my speech with Spanish. I don't say 'que' when I need to say 'what.' And I bet none of us speak japanese anyway. Why do people do this in their fics? Someone clue me in here.

I think like a speech language pathology major. If someone near me coughs while eating, I'm like, "OMG did you aspirate or penetrate?!" and many other things. One day I said, "Hm. Sounds like ankloglossia..." I even said to my mom, "Say AHHH! I want to see if you have a bifid uvula. They're a sign of a submucous cleft, and those usually go unnoticed." Anyway, Rin exhibited an inconsistent phoneme substitution. To make such a mistake, she might have a mild articulation disorder, or phonological process, or she even might have hearing loss.

Oh! Mandark update! Last chapter, I said Mandark was an anorexic fish. He eats now, though. I think he was just confused about his life. Sitting on a petco shelf, then being scanned over a cash register, put in a bag, taken home, and being put in a new environment with new water.... Yeah, I'd freak out too. But he eats now, so if any of you lost sleep from being worried about him all week, I wanted to let you know -- he's fine. He still twitches his head, but I think that's how he swallows or something.

---------------------------

Review responses! :

sangoworshiper - Hilarious is what I aim for. Do you mean 7 boxes or seven single sheets? I know I used 3 entire boxes of kleenexes last year because I was sick in November. I've never used the word "pensive" before writing this fic. Who knew I'd use it with Koga of all people? Yay for expanded vocabularies.

Sassybratt - No one died in this chapter either, sorry. I try to rotate my usage of the characters, and I thought "who haven't I used yet?" Rin and Midoriko. So I just put them together and it worked. Has anyone ever written a Rin and Midoriko friendship fic? Or worse... A RinXMidoriko? A Rinriko? A Midorin? Ew. I was curious, but never mind. Who knows what I'll find if I look...

Puppiesareadorable - I have arm warmers like that too, only brick red and black striped. Whaddya make of that? I love the name Slurmit. It's fun to say. Slurmit. I am embarrassed to say I once pretended I had a fluff like Sessy. I got a blanket and rolled it like a burrito over my shoulder, running through the house screaming "I am Lord Sesshomaru!" My brother has always believed that I'm crazy, and I give him no reason to believe otherwise. What I want to know is....how did you get my soul? What powers do you have to obtain souls? Do you draw your magic-soul-taking powers from a possessed cookie? I'll bet you do.

Liesie - Mandark is a character from a cartoon called "Dexter's Laboratory" if you were wondering. I came up with the name in the middle of the night. I fell asleep wondering what we'd name the fish. I woke up later and "Mandark" popped in my head. Weird. And YES! You caught the implication! Kagura carved the cheese statue of Sessy. The whole cave was like her shrine to him. She is a hopeless fangirl. I'm reading your mind now. ...Are you thinking about waffles? No? Bad connection, then.

hitntr - Why are they called Fiddler crabs? Can they fiddle? Mentally I picture a crab with a fiddle, playing bluegrass music. I worked at a pet store once and there were hermit crabs. I don't ever remember them eating. They just hid in their shells. Thanks for the compliments, and you don't have to apologize to me at all! It's not like you're obligated to review or something. But I am glad that you do, so thanks.

------------------------

Next chapter preview! I'm actually having trouble with writing it... :

Sesshomaru walked past Miroku and suddenly froze as Miroku raised a trembling hand. A look of terror was on Miroku's face.

"You wouldn't dare." Sesshomaru said in a threatening voice.

"He wouldn't!"

"He'll be killed!"

*gasp*

"Go for it, Miroku!"

"Oh, the tension!"

"Gahh!" screamed Miroku. "I can't stop it!"


	8. Round 6: CrimeTragedy

Chapter 8

Normal font like this the 'reality' in the story.

_Musicookie's lines of the story are in italics._

_**Sesshomaru's lines of the story are in bold italics.**_

Score thus far: Musicookie 35, Sesshomaru 36

-----------------------

"Alright, get out. All of you."

The Inuyasha characters stepped into the document. Some looked ashamed of themselves, others looked unaffected.

Musicookie did a head check there were a lot of Inuyasha characters (she got confused again with all the "-kotsu's" in the band of seven) and she saw everyone was there.

She opened iTunes and ejected her iPod. She glared accusingly at everyone.

"So. Anyone care to explain to me why you went in Paul?"

"...Paul?" questioned Shippo.

"Yes, Paul. My iPod's name is Paul. Got a problem with that? Why did you go in iTunes, wait for me to plug Paul in, and go_ in_ Paul? You know how shocked I was when I heard your voices when I put Paul on shuffle?"

Naraku gave her a charming smile. "Why, we only wanted to be with you, enjoying your music with you."

"Yeah, right. What's the real reason?"

Sesshomaru said," This Sesshomaru has no qualms about telling you the truth. It was all Inuyasha's idea."

"What? No, it wasn't!! It was Sesshomaru's idea! He wanted to go in your music to whisper subliminal messages in your ear!"

"O rly?" said Musicookie, which was perhaps the most overused internet language second only to the despised 3 which doesn't even look like a heart, it looks like a thingie and a three.

"3333," Sesshomaru taunted.

"Stop that! I hate that thing! And anyway, your so-called subliminal messages didn't work! I heard you! Subliminal messages are supposed to heard subconsciously, not consciously. You kept repeating, "Throw the match, fall on your knees, worship Sesshomaru, fall over and die!" And everyone else was talking in the background."

"It should have worked."

"The music I was listening to was in Spanish! You speaking English stuck out like a sore thumb! It totally didn't work; it failed faster than Inuyasha trying to be patient, or Miroku trying to resist those urges of his!"

Everybody looked at said monk. Indeed, he was trying hard to rein in his unruly hand, but no. It fondled Sango's butt and Miroku was slapped hard.

Kagome shook her head. "Sango, we should get you a butt-guard or a shield or something."

Sango looked at Musicookie. "Yeah, why can't you do anything about him! Can't you type him so he isn't a pervert anymore?"

Musicookie shrugged. "I still want to yell at Sesshomaru for his failed attempt to sabotage me, but whatever. Let's try it. _Miroku felt no urge to grope females anymore."_

Miroku said, "I don't feel any different."

"Sango, go wiggle your butt in his face."

Sango did so. Miroku didn't react other than watch it with an uncomfortable expression.

Sango tackled Musicookie in a hug. "Thank you! Thank you! You have no idea how long I've wanted this!"

Musicookie smiled. "You're welcome. Now, let's get started. Sesshomaru, your laptop is over there."

Sesshomaru walked to get it. He walked past Miroku and suddenly froze as Miroku raised a trembling hand. A look of terror was on Miroku's face.

"You wouldn't dare." Sesshomaru said in a threatening voice.

"He wouldn't!"

"He'll be killed!"

*gasp*

"Go for it, Miroku!"

"Oh, the tension!"

"Gahh!" screamed Miroku. "I can't stop it!"

Miroku did the unthinkable. He groped Sesshomaru's butt.

Everyone stared, open-mouthed in shock.

Sesshomaru put a hand to Tokijin. "Die," he stated simply.

Miroku ran for his life as Sesshomaru chased him.

Musicookie said to Sango, "You know, I don't think I have the power to completely change his character. I can just tell you guys what to do in these fanfictions. I can try to make you out-of-character, but it doesn't last, and the character eventually relapses into how they are normally. It's in his nature to grope, and I can't do anything about it."

They watched the chase like one would watch a mildly interesting television show. Miroku was still alive because he opened his wind tunnel and Sesshomaru had to dodge its vacuum.

"Someone should stop them."

"Yah... Ok," said Musicookie. "I guess that person is me." She typed, _Miroku reverted into the way he was before and Sesshomaru refrained from killing Miroku for his confused and misplaced actions._

Sesshomaru sheathed his sword and Miroku sighed, chest heaving.

"Let's get started." said Sesshomaru.

"Hold on," said Musicookie. "Girls, anyone want to sacrifice their rears and let him cop a feel? Just to see if he's back to normal? We don't want a repeat of what just happened..."

Kagome's mother raised a shy hand. Everyone started laughing and both Kagome and her mother's faces turned red.

"Mom!!!!"

Blushing, Kagome's mom turned her back to Miroku and wiggled what her momma gave her. Miroku's hand explored the terrain, so to speak. He sighed and said, "That's better."

Kagome's mom playfully slapped Miroku on his cheek, making everyone wonder if she had a thing for the monk. Some looked grossed out, others looked amused. The whole situation was awkward.

Sesshomaru didn't take kindly to being ignored. "Really, let's start."

Myoga hopped up.

"Yo! Today's genre is tragedy/crime! Rock the hiz-zouse and we are so off the hi-zook. Begin!"

_Sango looked more closely at the security tapes. This was a strange string of robberies. At the same time, three random places would be robbed. It was synchronized. This didn't sit well with Sango. Just like when a late night donut and a later late night chalupa did the tango in her stomach. She would turn the sirens on and speed to the nearest bathroom._

_Sango looked at her little brother. He was just hired on the police force, and was still fresh out of college. His speciality was forensics. Sango figuratively swelled with pride when he was accepted on the team. She knew they'd make a great team._

_Sango and Kohaku decided to go the the crime scenes to check them out, like they do in all the cop shows. One of the crime scenes was a jewelry store._

_Sango walked to the salesperson. "Can you tell me what happened here? I know you've already been questioned a million times, but they always have the main character personally question the victims for dramatic effect."_

_The man nodded, a fan of crime shows on television. "The robber came in. It was a woman, I could tell from her build and her voice. She had a handgun and was waving it around, threatening to shoot everybody."_

_"Did she?"_

_"No. She didn't take much either. Just a roll of quarters that was on the counter."_

_"Anything else about the robbery?"_

_"She attacked me. It sounded like she was crying. She hurled a little box at me, it had an engagement ring in it. She screamed, "I don't need this! I'll never need this! I don't want it!" She screamed stuff like that over and over, then ran out."_

_"Did she sound like someone you know? Why did she target you?"_

_"I have no idea. I didn't recognize her voice."_

_Sango nodded. Although it was completely unnecessary, she commanded to Kohaku, "Take a look at that box and the ring. I'm gonna walk around and do more police-y stuff."_

_**After Sango was satisfied that they had truly achieved nothing of any importance by going to the jewelers, they went to another place that was robbed. It was a pet store.**_

_**Sango winced as they walked in, sounds assulting her ears. Birds were screeching and dogs were barking. The guinea pigs were squealing like they do, and there were screaming, hyper children running through the store, arguing over whether a parrot can or cannot learn to recite pi to one hundred decimal places.**_

_**Sango felt like tasing everything in sight, but such behavior is improper for a police officer. Instead, she walked past the fish tanks to the cashier, massaging her growing headache.**_

_**The employee was an unconfident looking girl. She looked at Sango fearfully.**_

_**"You know the drill. I ask, you answer. There was a robbery here recently. What was stolen?"**_

_**"Just a stack of coupons for the laundromat. Free spin cycle when you buy detergent."**_

_**"Anything else strange about the robbery?"**_

_**"It was a girl, but she was wearing a mask. She had a baseball bat with rusty nails in it. Um...She threw stuff at me and threatened to split my head open like a coconut if I didn't refund her stuff."**_

_**"So she asked for a refund? What did she want to return?"**_

_**"It was a kitty food bowl, kitty litter, and a collar that said 'My name is Nubbins.' She also pelted me with cat toys and broke the front window with a scratching post before she left."**_

_**"Things just get curiouser and curiouser."**_

_**"...She was also yelling and crying. "Take this stuff back, I don't need it anymore, not that my Nubbins is gone...gone!" and she threw the scratching post and left. **_

_**"Kohaku!" **_

_**Kohaku was enraptured by a tropical fish. "Hm?"**_

_**"Dust all these animals for prints, Kohaku."**_

_**The cashier mumbled that the robber didn't touch any of the animals, but Sango was busy giving noise pollution citations to the parents who let their kids run around and scream. **_

_After fighting off a python that didn't take kindly to being dusted for fingerprints, Sango and Kohaku made their way to the last place that was robbed, a grocery store. _

_"Sango! Marshmallows!"_

_"Kohaku, let's go."_

_"But I loves me dem marshmellers! Haven't I been a good little forensics scientist? Who else could manage to dust hyper puppies for fingerprints?"_

_Sango nodded, half embarrassed and half proud of her little brother. She grabbed a grocery basket and threw the marshmallows inside. _

_They went to the cashier, which there are a lot of in this story._

_It was a young man who looked very cheerful and slightly airheaded._

_"Excuse me, young man? I am here to question you about the recent robbery... Would you please tell me what was stolen?" _

_"Well, a woman came in. She was wearing black and a ski mask, and she was really skinny. Really really skinny. She grabbed a cart and started shopping."_

_"Why didn't anybody question why she was wearing the common fashion accessory for robbers -- a ski mask?"_

_The employee shrugged. "She was just shopping. Maybe it was cold out. Maybe she didn't want frostbite on her face."_

_Sango glared at the man. "It sounds to me like you're sticking up for her. It's summer. No one wears ski masks in summer. Tell me, pal, what's your name?"_

_"Koko Nt. Macroon, Jr. But you can just call me Mac."_

_If Sango had been looking away, then heard this man's name, she would have done a double take. But as it were, she wasn't looking away and she had heard that people were naming their kids really strange things these days. _

_"Ok....Mac. Then what happened?"_

_"I thought she was gonna check out, but she ran through the checkout lane, knocking over innocent shoppers like bowling pins. She left without paying for her food."_

_"Was food all she stole?"_

_"Well, food and maybe a dozen boxes of dryer tissues. You know, the tissues you put in the dryer to make your clothes all soft like a mountain stream with beautiful women swimming in it, like on the commercials?"_

_"I am familiar with laundry terms and their related commercials. Now, if you'll excuse me, my associate and I need to compile our data."_

_"You gotta pay for those..." said Mac, eyeing Kohaku stuff marshmallows in his mouth, not swallowing them._

_"Chubby bunny," laughed Kohaku, as Sango paid for the bag of marshmallows. _

_**One heimlich maneuver on Kohaku later, resulting in slimy, half-chewed marshmallows spat onto the parking lot, they drove through the streets of the city. They stopped at a drive through. Sango got a cheeseburger, and Kohaku got chicken nuggets.**_

_**"Make sure you chew those this time."**_

_**Kohaku nodded, dunking his chicken nugget eagerly into the dipping sauce. **_

_**"Safe swallowing habits aside, let's piece this puzzle together. Now, all three robbers were girls and all three were distraught for some reason. Now, these may each be the same girl, or different girls... Two gave things back and one stole. Total things stolen: one roll of quarters, coupons for the laundromat, food, and dryer tissues."**_

_**Kohaku waved a chicken nugget in the air, splattered barbecue sauce all over the car, and deduced, "Each incident, laundry related items were stolen. Think about it. Quarters for the machines, coupons, and dryer tissues? I'll bet the next robbery will be at a laundromat.**__"_

_**"Kohaku, you're a genius! And looky here! 'Bob's Magical Laundromat.' **_

_**Sango pulled into the parking lot, and the two went inside. Oddly, Mac was there, eating a bag of chips and waiting for his darks to finish washing.**_

_**"Oh, hey!" **_

_**Sango sighed. "Why are you here, Mac?"**_

_**"My girlfriend mentioned to me she'd be here tonight. So, what better time to do my laundry! You know, her kitten died recently. It wandered into the street and was killed. She's been really sad about it. I figure we'll get some good bonding time waiting for you laundry."**_

_**Sango's heart began to beat a crazy rhythm in her chest. The rhythm sounded oddly like a bossanova beat, but Sango ignored it. **_

_**Was it a coincidence about what happened at the pet store robbery, and that Mac, who worked at a robbed**_ _**grocery store, was here, at the place where the clues led to, talking about a woman distraught over a kitten? All Sango knew was that she was good at thinking in deplorable run-on sentences that stretched grammar rules for commas to their breaking point, and she realized she was doing it again.**_

_**"So, Mac. Tell me about your girlfriend."**_

_**"Well, she has two other best friends. All three of them hang out all the time -- my Ayumi, and her friends Eri and Yuka. But lately, things have been going wrong for all three of them... it's like they're cursed with bad luck at the same time."**_

_**Before Sango could ask more, three women strolled in. One had quarters, another had coupons, and another had dryer tissues. Each also held a bag of laundry. The faces of all three were red and streaked with recent tears.**_

_"Ayumi!" cried Mac. "What's wrong?"_

_"You know what's wrong!" cried Ayumi. "Nubbins died!" _

_Alarm bells rang in Sango's head. Three women, three robberies, and this...Nubbins. The girl in the pet strore said the robber had mentioned a Nubbins. _

_Mac looked at all three girls. "Let's be cheerful here, ladies!"_

_Yuka wailed. "How can I be cheerful when my fiancee left me for another?! He had even bought me a ring!"_

_Eri sobbed, shaking. "My children are starving and we live in the streets! My little one hasn't eaten in days, much less myself! We will die!"_

_Sango's eyes widened. These were the robbers, these three women. What they said fit perfectly. _

_Sango turned to look at them. They saw her in her officer's uniform and instantly gasped in shock._

_"Girls, run!"_

_Sango took this as a confirmation of their crimes, on top of everything they had just said. _

_"Kohaku, the door," Sango called. He nodded, his chocolate colored eyes intense. _

_But the women wouldn't be stopped. One flung her dirty laundry in Kohaku's face. He took huge whiff of workout clothes and sweat rags. The noxious fumes knocked him unconscious and he fell to the floor._

_"Kohaku!" Sango cried. She fell to her knees beside her brother, crying his name. He never woke -- the smell was too much. His olfactory nerve had exploded from the intensity of the smell, and all eleven other cranial nerves caught fire. His brain lit up like a Christmas Tree, then shorted out like when you drop a toaster in a bathtub. Only this time, there was no sunshine yellow rubber ducky to raise one's spirits. _

_The women got away; Sango didn't care. She only clutched her brother to her._

_**Sango ended her life with the pistol that hung at her hip. She fell over Kohaku's lifeless body. Together they lay there, united as brother and sister in death.**_

Musicookie grimaced. "This was hard. Whenever I saw Sango and Kohaku's storyline in the anime, it broke my heart because all I could think about was, 'what if that was me and my little brother?' Thanks for ending it when I couldn't, Sesshomaru."

"Really?" said Seshomaru dryly. "You seemed to depict his brain exploding in quite vivid and disturbing detail, so I never would have guessed."

Kohaku stood up and coughed, clearing the smell from his nose. "Wow! That'll clear your sinuses. Who's laundry was that, anyway? It reeked."

"Inuyasha's," supplied Sesshomaru.

"What?! Are you saying I stink!?"

"You said it, not I."

Myoga cleared his tiny flea throat. "It is time to award points. Sango?"

Sango smiled. "Musicookie wrote me as a very good police officer. She also did a good job with the relationship Kohaku and I had. You captured me as the caring and stern big sister, and Kohaku as the goofy little brother. As for Sesshomaru's depiction of me... He made me all mean and wanting to use my taser on everything. He made me do illogical things like dust animals for prints, and he made me think in run-on sentences. You did make me intelligent at the end, thinking about the information and all. And then, you killed me off. But what's new? I decide to award Musicookie with 3 points and Sesshomaru with 1 point."

Kohaku stepped forward. "Musicookie made me a little immature, but I was funny and goofy and I bet readers laughed at my antics. But she killed me in the end."

Everyone gasped.

"That's right! This is the first time Musicookie killed off a main character! Usually it's Sesshomaru," said Sango.

Musicookie said, "Oddly, it feels liberating. But I don't want to make a habit of killing characters, so nobody get worried."

"At least she made my death kind of funny. But Musicookie also made me smell dirty laundry. Ew. As for Sesshomaru, He didn't develop me as a character much. You mostly focused on Sango and only mentioned me, like, twice. He made me all childish, and I don't even like chicken nuggets! But, he did save me from choking on marshmallows. I decide to give Sesshomaru and Musicookie 2 points each."

Myoga hopped. It's practically the only thing he can do to get people's attention aside from sucking their blood. I vant to suck yor blud!

"The judge in this round shall be Kagura, a character of crime and tragedy."

Kagura sighed and began to examine her fingernails. "Well, Musicookie tried to fulfill the crime part of the genre. She inserted humor. She did a good job making Sango think logically. Also, near the end, she tried to fulfill the tragedy part of the genre by telling us how tragic the three girls' lives were. She didn't expand on their pain, which I wished to see. She did make Kohaku's death a very tragic thing. I award her 4 of 5 points."

Kagura smiled at Sesshomaru. "Sesshomaru, if you give me your number, I'll give you 5 points."

Musicookie protested, "Hey! No bribes! And he doesn't even have a phone!"

"Fine, clam up already. Can't anyone take a joke? Sesshomaru was good at telling the details in the story. He invented the ingenious name "Nubbins." He shut those infernal brats in the toy store up. But, the responsibility of Sango figuring out what all the information meant was Sesshomaru's, and he didn't handle it well. He just took the easy route and had Kohaku randomly come up with all the answers. Sesshomaru was a little funny. He also ended the story, but it lacked something, like...actually being a good ending. I know death. That was lame death. Sesshomaru, I expected better from you. And in reality, you didn't do much to fulfill the tragedy or the crime genres. Honestly, I think you deserve maybe a 2 of 5 points."

Sesshomaru glared at the woman.

"Sucks to be you, hot stuff. Should've given me your number when you had the chance."

Musicookie counted on her fingers. "I got 9 points, Sessy-poo got 5."

Some people cheered; others booed. Big Daddy came to Sesshomaru and threw a heave arm over the son's shoulder.

"No worries, my boy. You'll get her next time."

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes, annoyed at his father's insinuation that he'd lost. Their golden eyes watched as Musicookie typed up candy-filled pinatas in celebration.

"I will win against this infuriating authoress. Count on it."

"I can only wonder, son." They watched Inuyasha rip a pinata to shreds, flinging candy everywhere. Naraku squealed with joy, stuffing his face with the sugary sweets. A piece of candy hit Kikyo's pinkie. Ya'll know how it goes.

Musicookie came to stand by the two men, their inhuman height and bulk of their armor dwarfing her.

Inuyasha used Adamant Barrage on a pinata. Pieces of diamond and pieces of candy littered the floor. Naraku broke a tooth on a diamond, mistaking it for a Jolly Rancher.

Looks like Inuyasha's having a little too much fun. Well, anyway, good match, Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru stubbornly ignored her. Musicookie gathered a handful of gumballs and pelted Sesshomaru with them in revenge. She hurriedly left and saved the document before her head was separated from her body.

---------------------

A/N: I really don't like the 3 thing. What's even more annoying is this: 333333. I know that's supposed to mean 'lots of hearts' but it just looks like threes. Oh well.

I know nothing about crime shows, so if I did a good job, I'm surprised.

And yes, my iPod's name really is Paul. I wasn't kidding about that. My bike is named Alexander. I'm trying to think of a name for my laptop, but nothing's coming to me. The problem is, I don't see my laptop having a gender. For some bizarre reason, I see the iPod as male, and my bike as female (despite the fact I named her Alexander).

edit: Checking on live preview, the "less than" sign doesn't appear on the story. But you guys know what I'm talking about, right? The internet "heart" made of a less than sign and a three? They're everywhere.

---------------------

Review responses! This is my favorite part.

hitntr - Thanks! Teaching the crabs to fiddle would be like the frog in Looney Tunes. He sings opera only to that one guy. Whenever the guy tries to show others the singing frog, the frog shuts up. The man is driven to insanity. Maybe teaching animals to create music isn't a good idea...

Sassybratt - You're right! I forgot that the bird died. It felt nice to write a Midoriko and Rin fic. It was cute. What did you think? Did the preview live up to your expectations?

Maincrick - Yay! a new reviewer! I honestly have no idea how I come up with this stuff. Crazy, huh?

Liesie - Wow, I was just joking with the waffle thing. I love Dexter's Lab but it's not on anymore. I'm sad. I agree with you on the "Japanese-word rant" as you called it. There are some words that have no translation (kimono) and some that have translations that are really awkward to use (hanyou is easier to type than half-breed or half-demon).

Flightless Osprey -Thanks! Your words of encouragement helped me.

sangoworshiper - Oh no! Don't push your throat! Although that was last week, so you might not be so sick anymore. And like I said, I think that's how Mandark swallows, so no worries. I know frogs swallow weird too. They close their eyes and push the eyeballs down against the throat to help push the food down. (Technical speak alert! The eyeballs press against the pharynx, aiding pharyngeal swallow due to lack of muscles or muscle paresis in the pharynx.) And yes, Mandark is Dexter's enemy who has a crush on DeeDee. ...Gosh, I loved that show.

----------------------------

Preview! Sorry it's not big. The next chapter is a little different from normal. ...you'll see. ;)

_Sesshomaru felt the beat of the music, and began to dance._

Jaken cried and ran to his master. He received a kick in the head, whether from anger or a misplaced dance move, nobody knew.


	9. Party time?

Chapter 9

Normal font like this the 'reality' in the story.

_Musicookie's lines of the story are in italics._

_**Sesshomaru's lines of the story are in bold italics.**_

Score thus far: Musicookie 44, Sesshomaru 41

-----------------------

As soon as Musicookie opened the document, she threw confetti at whichever unlucky person who stood too close.

Izaioi smiled happily, however, and began to brush the confetti out of her extremely long hair. Nothing could get under her skin. Not even Myoga singing, '100 bottles of sake on the wall' for 15 straight hours, and that was pretty annoying.

Musicookie wasn't done yet. Yelling, "SQUEEEE!" she produced two cans of silly string, one blue and one pink. She spun like a ballerina while releasing the aerosol foam. Streams of blue and pink silly string coated the characters who didn't have quick enough reflexes to dodge.

Kagome couldn't help but laugh. "Musicookie, what are you doing?"

Musicookie typed up cupcakes of all flavors and began passing them around. "What, can't a girl celebrate for having so many reviews?! I love the world!"

She shoved a cupcake in her mouth, and Naraku was standing near her so she shoved one in his mouth too. He coughed and spat it upon the ground. Evil didn't partake in cupcakes. Candy, yes. But cupcakes, no.

"I was thinking..." said Musicookie, chewing her cupcake thoughtfully. "We've been going strong at this. We've been going round after round, and we only see each other for competition. But I love you guys so much!"

She hugged Kanna to make her point, who managed to form her expressionless features into displeasure.

"I think we should party. Whaddya think? Disco ball, lit-up floor, junk food, crazy dancing... We can even do party games! I know you guys would adore 'pin the tail on the donkey.' "

Sesshomaru stepped forward, looking serious. "You would delay our battle for the useless activity of placing a tail on the rear end of a lowly pack animal?"

"Hey, don't insult donkeys! And life isn't a battle, Sesshomaru. Don't you ever want to have a little fun?"

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow. Kagura chuckled, "Sesshomaru? Fun? You've got to be kidding. Those two words shouldn't even be in the same sentence together."

"Exactly," said Musicookie with a satisfied air. "I'm here to change that. And if I can't change it -- which I think will be the case -- then at least I can relax his "anti-fun" standards. And again, I don't think that'll happen, but at least I'll have fun trying."

"You are afraid of the next round, human. You are afraid of losing to this Sesshomaru, so you delay for time."

"So not true!"

"Then you are attempting to sabotage me in some manner with this...party." The unfamiliar word came out awkwardly on his tongue. Big demon lords never said such frivolous words. The most frivolous words Sesshomaru had ever uttered were 'war' and 'death.'

"Yada yada... here!" She shoved a german chocolate cupcake into Sesshomaru's mouth. Before he could even think of all the possible painful ways to kill Musicookie in a cruel, painful, torturous, and agonizingly slow manner, Musicookie was typing.

_A mirrored disco ball hung from the ceiling, rotating and twinkling in the light. The floor was replaced with light-up panels. A banner saying, "Yay, it's party time!' appeared on the wall, and crepe paper in a rainbow of colors was strung across the ceiling and walls like a cheerful spider's web. A table appeared, with every food and refreshment imaginable. It was a big table. ...No, bigger than that...ok, yeah, that's big enough. Only no alcoholic beverages were there, cuz Musicookie isn't of age to drink and this story is rated K+._

_...Although, Musicookie had to admit, she wondered how each of the Inuyasha characters would behave when drunk. She pondered possible fic opportunities on the subject, then returned to work._

_Party hats, streamers, horns, whistles, and poppers appeared in everyone's hands, and they felt the sudden desire to put the hats on. _

_... I said, they put the hats on, Sesshomaru. ...Good boy. _

_Party games appeared, music began to play. However, it was at a suitable volume seeing as those with sensitive hearing were present._

"Thank you," said several of the demons with manners. Musicookie noticed Sesshomaru didn't thank her. Jerkwad.

_Sesshomaru felt the beat of the music, and began to dance._

Jaken cried and ran to his master. He received a kick in the head, whether from anger or a misplaced dance move, nobody knew.

Musicookie ended his humiliation, satisfied. "Alright! Who's up for a game of twister?"

The only person who seemed to know what Musicookie was talking about was Kagome and the other characters from the modern era. Kagome and her friends squealed and giggled. The characters from the feudal era looked lost, except Koga.

"Twister? Hey, I'm good at that!" He took off in a whirlwind, running at insane speeds due to the jewel shards in his legs.

"Not that kind of twister! This twister..." chuckled Musicookie, unfolding a plastic mat with an evil look on her face.

----------------------

Miroku said to Naraku's butt, "You know, I don't play on this side of the playground..."

"Right hand, red!" called Musicookie.

Sota untangled himself from Miroku's robes and placed his small hand on a red spot. "I don't even know why I had to play with you guys! I'm just a kid."

Naraku looked murderous. Evil villains did not submit to this kind of humiliation. "Musicookie, is there a way to win this game?"

Musicookie thought for a long moment, making the unfortunate players' muscles scream in agony.

"I actually don't know. ...hm... Let me check on Wikipedia."

She opened a browser window and looked it up.

"For the love of Buddha, hurry up!" hollered Miroku.

"There are only ways to lose. If you fall, or fall on your elbow or your knee, you lose."

"Those rules are stupid," said Naraku. "There are all these spots here. The logical way to win is to touch all the spots at once. "

"No, I don't think that's --"

Naraku transformed and his tentacles rippled through the air, dripping slime all over. He wormed a tentacle to each of the colorful spots.

Miroku and Sota's hands and feet slipped in the slime. With a splat, they fell to the plastic mat, loudly voicing their disgust.

Naraku smiled evilly. "I win."

-----------------------

Koga never had much discretion in sensitive matters. He really should've had the common sense to keep his mouth shut.

"So, Kagome, is pink your favorite color?"

Kagome flushed red. "Stop looking at them!" she sputtered angrily.

Sango squirmed uncomfortably. Kagura growled at Yura of the demon hair because she shifted her position, threatening to knock Kagura off balance.

Miroku was drooling. "This is so hot."

Musicookie spun the spinner thing and called, "Left foot, green!"

Sango fell to the mat, slipping in leftover slime from Naraku's tentacles. She brought the other girls down with her.

"Man!" said Sota. "I thought we washed all the slime off that thing!"

Kagura scoffed. "Obviously, you missed a spot."

------------------------

Naraku and Kikyo were standing by the snack table. Naraku was nibbling on something foreign called a sausage, and Kikyo had just figured out the chip is supposed to be dipped in a bowl of a gooey substance called 'dip.'

"So..." said Naraku. "How's things?"

Kikyo crunched a chip between her teeth. "Well, I like to sleep a lot. Being dead, there's not much to do."

"Yeah, I feel ya. But, hey, if you ever want something to do, I'm always available."

"Give it up, Onigumo. We're mortal enemies." Kikyo sampled a party tray of sushi, selecting a California roll.

Naraku also took a sushi. Spicy tuna with extra wasabi. Gutsy. "Yes, but all of us just sit around here when Musicookie's gone. If's not like you have anything better to do."

Kikyo swallowed her sushi and said serenely, "One can sleep. Good day, Naraku."

As she walked away, Naraku sighed and looked at the other bad guys who were watching. This included Naraku's various dopplegangers, the Band of Seven, and other villains. They seemed to be laughing at him.

------------------------

The apples bounced merrily in the water. There were about 50 of them floating in a small, two-ring inflatable pool.

"So you just go like this..." Musicookie demonstrated by kneeling and putting her hands behind her back, then trying to grab an apple with her teeth.

"This Sesshomaru will never do such a ridiculous and degrading activity."

Musicookie raised her head, sans apple. "That's hard! Here, you try."

Sesshomaru delicately squatted, not wanting to dirty his white pants on the non-existant dirt. He commanded Jaken to come and hold back his hair. With superior demon balance, he bent over the apples without any of him touching the floor, pool, or water. He put his one arm behind his back.

With his demon powers, he enlarged his fangs. Jerking his head ever so slightly, he stabbed an apple on a fang.

He stood, triumphant. He lowered his head in Musicookie's face, smiling a wicked and toothy grin. The apple was stabbed on his right fang.

"I beat you," said Sesshomaru, although it was a little hard to understand, due to the apple in his mouth. "You didn't even get one."

"I don't have demon powers! I've got human teeth. But you know what? That's ok. Because there's one thing I have that you don't."

"Wha?" said Sesshomaru, standing there looking confused with an apple in his mouth and a little green imp reverently holding his hair.

"My dignity."

---------------------------

"Oh, no." said Inuyasha. "Not another one of those infernal plas-teek mats again."

"It's plastic. and this one is different from Twister."

Musicookie laid the mat on the floor and plugged it in. "This is Dance Dance Revolution. Oh, and look at that! It's the Inuyasha version!"

Musicookie began to dance on the pad. A techno-dance version of Miroku's theme song, the one with the grunting men that go "huh!" every so often, was playing.

Inuyasha actually looked interested. "This can help me with my sword stance!"

Musicookie took her cue and stepped off the pad. Inuyasha eagerly jumped on.

Since Inuyasha was looking intently at the tv screen and waiting, Musicookie got it started for him.

A house mix of Naraku's theme song began to play.

"So when you see the arrows, you need to step on that arrow on the pad. ... No, do it in tempo."

Inuyasha began to stomp on the pad with all his might. The floor shook. "Like this?"

"No, stop that! No!"

Inuyasha's long toenail claws had pierced the mat, and it was sparking with ominous electricity.

"Inuyasha, get off the pad!"

With one last stomp, the pad exploded and the tv went black. Some smoke was wafting out of the back of it.

Inuyasha looked at Musicookie eagerly, face blackened with soot. His hair took the form of a frizzy afro, and little sparks of electricity danced between a few strands.

"So, did I win?"

"Yeah, because the objective is to completely obliterate everything," Musicookie said sarcastically."

"Wow! Is there a prize?"

Musicookie went to the snack table and grabbed a paper napkin.

"Here you go. It's a ...magic scroll."

Inuyasha took the napkin, eyes bright with childlike glee.

Musicookie typed up another DDR mat and tv.

"Anyone else want to try?"

Koga looked like he wanted to, so Musicookie ushered him to the mat.

"Step on the arrows, like the ones on the screen, mkay?"

Koga was very good at it. He beat the game's fastest song at the highest difficulty.

Musicookie picked up her jaw from the floor. "Wow, you gots da skillz. And hey, you unlocked another setting...wait, super challenging expert mode? I didn't know it had that."

Koga began to dance at an insane speed. The arrows flew up the screen in a blur like when you see credits fly by at the end of a bad movie. Musicookie couldn't see Koga's feet because they moved so fast.

Musicookie spoke over the music, if it could be called that, because it sounded like when a song is played at triple or quadruple speed. "Koga... Koga! The mat's catching on fire!"

Koga leapt off the mat, cursing. He landed and nursed his feet. Kagome ran to him, intent to help with his burns. That, in turn, infuriated Inuyasha, and his loud protests echoed in everyone's ears. After a good hard 'Sit,' things were relatively quiet again.

Well, if you ignore the now roaring fire devouring what was once the dance pad.

Musicookie was screaming and freaking out. Sesshomaru kept his cool and typed, _Rain fell from the non-existant skies to douse the flames._

Musicookie walked numbly to the pile of burnt plastic and wires, falling to her knees. She seemed close to tears as she tenderly gathered the remains of the dance pad in her arms. She held it, letting the rain pelt her. It was quite a pitiful scene.

Shippo patted her shoulder in sympathy. "It's ok, you can just type up another one..."

"What's the point anymore?" said Musicookie sadly.

----------------------------

Big Daddy put the blindfold on.

"Now, just pin the tail on the donkey."

Big Daddy discretely sniffed the air. With a single, confident motion, he pinned the tail on the donkey's rear.

Musicookie was shocked. "Whoa. Perfect! Next!"

It was that blind guy with the huge head and the massive ears. You know, the one who can listen? He listens for rumors of the jewel shards for Naraku in the anime.

With a knobby hand, he placed the tail exactly where Big Daddy had put it before.

"Perfect. How did you get it so perfect? It's even in the same hole!"

"I heard the air molecules echoing in the hole Big Daddy made the first time."

"No way."

Next was Koga. Wearing the blindfold, he sniffed the air, and put the blindfold on and pinned the tail in the perfect position.

"Perfect," said Musicookie. "Next?"

Sesshomaru, who expressed distaste at wearing a blindfold and preferred to close his eyes instead, pinned the tail in the exact position.

"Whee, looky there -- it's perfect!" said Musicookie, now bored. "Next?"

Inuyasha stepped forward. He was excited, not to mention pumped up from "winning" in Dance Dance Revolution. He could barely contain himself as Musicookie tied the blindfold around his head.

He began stabbing the donkey poster repeatedly with the tail. The pin was making holes everywhere on the donkey.

"Inuyasha, please calm down..."

"Am I winning?"

"No, now calm down!"

Inuyasha was completely missing the donkey poster and stabbing the wall around.

By now, the point of the little thumbtack was beaten into a blunt twist of metal.

"Inuyasha, you can stop now."

"Am I winning?"

"....No."

----------------------------

Musicookie set up the bamboo poles. "Everybody limbo!"

Everyone just stood there.

Musicookie demonstrated limbo, bending backwards and walking underneath the pole.

Sesshomaru scoffed. "Why must one bend backwards? Bend forward at the waist instead."

"That's not how the game works."

"Why?"

"I have no idea, I didn't invent it," Musicookie said with annoyance. Everything so far was a failure, so maybe this party was a bad idea.

"This Sesshomaru refuses to participate in such a lowly and pointless activity."

"We know."

Kagome looked sympathetic. "I'll play, Musicookie."

Musicookie put on limbo music, and Kagome cleared the pole.

"Yeah! And see, guys? Now I lower the pole by a notch, and it gets harder."

Bankotsu walked up, cocky as ever. "Let me try."

He bent backwards, but he held his massive sword Banryu, and it knocked the pole off. It clattered to the floor.

"Ban, buddy. You need to put your sword down for a second to play this."

"What?! No way I'm putting down Banryu!"

"Your sword's too big. You can't win if you keep holding it. Reason with me, here."

"Oh, yeah! I'll show you! Jakotsu! Renkotsu! Suikotsu! Genkotsu! Mukotsu! Get over here!"

Musicookie watched curiously as Bankotsu instructed his band of seven to stack themselves on top of each other. The effectively made human poles. Well, dead human poles, but whatever.

Bankotsu tossed the pole to their outstretched hands, and they held it high off of the ground. Really high.

Bankotsu looked pointedly at Musicookie and held Banryu. He strolled underneath the pole, not even crouching in the slightest because the pole was maybe 9 feet (3 meters) off the ground.

"Told ya. So, what do I win?"

Musicookie massaged her forehead. "Yay, you win some air. Here you go." Musicookie held her hands in the air and acted like she gave a bubble of air to Bankotsu.

"Cool, thanks!" It appeared he didn't catch the sarcasm in Musicookie's voice.

"All you Kotsu's, can you give me back the pole? Thanks. Alright, anyone else want to try?"

Kagome's grandfather suddenly ran up, seizing the pole and running to Naraku. "Die, demon!" G-pa began smacking Naraku with the pole.

Naraku didn't tolerate it. He summoned Saimyosho insects and they plucked the pole from G-pa's fingers.

They flew with it, clutching it with their little insect legs.

Musicookie sighed. "You know, I don't even care if we don't get that back."

---------------------------

Musicookie was drowning her sorrows in sushi, lamenting that she ever came up with the idea to have a party. She stuffed sushi in her mouth.

"Are you crying, pitiful human?"

She looked at Sesshomaru, teary eyed. "No, it's the wasabi. It's way too hot."

",,,"

"I don't have to explain myself to you, jerkwad!" Musicookie slammed her fist on the snack table for emphasis. However, she hit the punch bowl. Hawaiian Punch flew through the air in slo-motion. It landed on Kanna, and dyed her red.

"I...have...HAD IT!!" she spat out, in a voice surprisingly emotional. Dripping hawiian punch, she tackled Musicookie, and they crashed into the snack table. Sausages, sushi, blocks of cheese, and even deviled eggs flew through the air. Kanna and Musicookie were already plastered in party food, and they rolled around, wrestling on the table.

Kanna rubbed a cupcake in Musicookie's face; Musicookie returned the gesture by dumping the contents of a melted chocolate fountain on Kanna.

Kagome and others who cared ran to split them up, but they slipped on olives and punch.

Inuyasha pricked his foot on a mini sandwich that was held together by a toothpick. He yowled and held his foot, looking at the mini sandwich with a murderous expression. He grabbed the sandwich and ate it with great ferocity, making sure each bite was painfully crushing.

But anyway, back to the real food fight.

"You!" Musicookie pelted a handful of salted mixed nuts at Kanna.

"I despise you!" Kanna overturned a bowl of sour cream and onion dip on Musicookie's head.

The battle raged on, until they heard a very peculiar noise. It was chuckling. Spirited chuckling. And it was coming from the most unlikely person -- Sesshomaru.

To put it in figurative terms, everyone dropped what they were doing (but Musicookie and Kanna actually did drop handfuls of food) and stared at Sesshomaru.

He stopped and said, "Your ridiculous antics amuse this Sesshomaru. You should do this daily for the sake of my amusement."

Musicookie was delighted. She clapped her hands, which were covered in chocolate frosting. "It was worth it! It was all worth it! I got you to laugh!"

She crawled off the table and typed herself clean. "Well, that's it for me. I achieved what I wanted to do." She turned to leave, but stopped.

"Oh, and Sesshomaru? You said you want me to do 'ridiculous antics daily for your amusement?' Keep dreaming, you selfish Fluff-meister. In fact... why don't you clean this mess up for me, Sessy? See ya." She smiled in an evilly innocent manner.

The last thing she saw before leaving was Sesshomaru's death glare.

------------------------

A/N: Wow! What a long chapter! But it was so much fun to write. We'll resume the fic battle next chappie. My favorite part was Inuyasha and DDR. In some episodes of the anime, you can see his claw-toenails, but in most others, they're normal toenails. I might be remembering wrong, but doesn't he get claw-toenails when he goes all 'demony?' But anyway, I love DDR, my brother got one for Christmas but it's been me who plays it. I wish you could put your own songs in it, though.

I actually didn't know how to win twister, and I seriously had to look it up. I've only played it once, so..yeah. Also, I have no idea if 50 apples can fit in one of those little pools. But here's me, caring too much over meaningless details that probably none you you noticed or even cared about until I brought them up! Yeah.

Hey! Question for you guys: What does Sesshomaru eat? Seriously, does he live off air?

------------------------

Review Responses! A few of you said you were looking forward to Sessy 'bust-a-move.' Did his short burst of dancing live up to your expectations?

hitntr - Usually that's my favorite part to write. Anything goes, so I have my fun with it. ^_^ Glad you liked the chappie!

Sassybratt - For years, I had no idea what rotflmao meant. Often, I feel lost when reading internet language. Urbandictionary . com was my savior, although I still get seme and uke mixed up. : / Naraku mistaking a diamond for candy made me lol while writing it.

coolmissy11d12 - Yay, a new reader! Thanks!

Drama Kagome - Thanks! I update this story weekly. It's stress free to write this story because there is no real plot, just a series of episodes.

Liesie - Thanks, and yeah, I'm weirded out too. Right now, it's Martin Luther King Jr. day as I write this, and Powerpuff girls is on. They were my favorite cartoon. Can I hazard a guess that you liked them too? ...Was your favorite character Bubbles? I liked how she could talk to squirrels. "la la la lala love...la la love... makes the world go round..." lolz, I'm such a dork

Puking up Diamonds - If Sessy said el fósforo, I still would have noticed cuz that translates as the match you start a fire with, not a match in a game. So he'd be telling me to throw a lit match. Wha? And start a fire!? But Smokey the bear told me not to! ^_^


	10. Round 7: DramaFantasy

Chapter 10

Normal font like this the 'reality' in the story.

_Musicookie's lines of the story are in italics._

_**Sesshomaru's lines of the story are in bold italics.**_

Score thus far: Musicookie 44, Sesshomaru 41

----------------------

Musicookie opened the document, expecting to see something interesting. Without fail, there was always something exciting waiting for her.

Today was no different. Inuyasha lay on the floor groaning. His stomach had expanded to a huge size.

"Sweet merciful meatballs, what happened to you?"

"Ohhhhh..." he groaned.

Kagome shushed Musicookie and whispered, "Don't mention food in front of him."

"Why not?"

"Sesshomaru didn't want to clean the food from the party, so he tricked Inuyasha into eating it."

"Ohhhhh..." he rubbed his belly, which peeked out form under his robe of the fire rat. A random thought floated through Musicookie's head; what in heaven's name is a fire rat, anyway? She'd never seen a flaming rodent.

She shook her head, pushing that thought aside. She demanded, "Sesshomaru! Why did you do this to your poor brother?"

"Half-brother."

"You share blood. Deal. With. it. Anyway, answer my question!"

"He's sampled modern food before, has he not?"

"Yeah, but not a stinkin' truckload of food! Could you eat a truckload of food?"

"..."

Musicookie tapped her chin in thought. "What do you eat, anyway? You don't eat human food..."

"Every 100 years, I slay 50 powerful demons. I bathe in their blood and drink it, using their vertebrae as a straw. It sustains me for an entire century. Although, I must admit; sometimes the spinal cord is very stringy to chew."

Musicookie stared at him with a horrified expression. Big Daddy came to her side and clapped his hand on her shoulder in a friendly sort of way.

"Oh, you," he chuckled. "Don't believe a word he says."

"Father."

"Hey, I'm not afraid to admit it. We're dog demons. We just eat regular meat. Well, raw meat, but what's the difference?"

"Then why did he say...?"

"Ahh, forgeddabboutit. He's just embarrassed a 'great demon' like him eats something normal like meat."

"Father, really --"

"Now Ryukotsei, he ate some weird things."

"...Didn't he kill you?"

"Do I look dead to you? Naw, Ryu-Ryu and I were frat buddies before we had that fight."

"Wait, you were in college? With a huge dragon demon?"

"Yeah. I was tired of him leaving his dirty socks all over the dorm room. Man, they stank something mighty powerful! He had giant feet, and his socks were huge. They seriously took up all the space in the room and it was hard to move around, much less breathe!"

"So you two fought to the death over dirty socks?"

Big Daddy waved his hand around agitatedly. "...When you put it like that, of course it sounds dumb. But you have to understand, it was a big deal to me!"

"And so, what _did_ Ryukotsei eat?"

With a completely serious face, Big Daddy whispered in Musicookie's ear, "He ate a boot. Filled with orange-flavored tic tacs. Filled completely to the brim."Big Daddy broke Musicookie's stunned silence with peals of hearty laughter. "Naw, you're so easy to shock, Musicookie! But seriously, he ate vanilla pudding, heads of cabbage, and dryer lint. He said they provided him with the perfect balance of vitamins and minerals every healthy dragon needs."

Musicookie smiled uncomfortably and muttered, "Wow! Would you look at that! Inuyasha needs some comfort! I'm just gonna... yeah..."

Musicookie practically ran away from Big Daddy, wondering if colleges existed in ancient Japan, if dragons liked tic tacs, if dragons actually needed tic tacs, and if dryer lint really was nutritious. But in the end, it all came back to wondering how sane Big Daddy was. Myoga, curse you! You sucked a little too much blood from him over the years!

Insanity aside, well...no, not really, Musicookie made her way to a bloated Inuyasha.

"Oh-Em-Gee, this happened to my puppy once. Inuyasha, let's go to the vet!"

"No..." he groaned. "Just type me better..."

"Oh," said Musicookie, sheepishly. "We could do that too. And it won't cost so much, either!"

_Inuyasha was cured of all his digestive system anomalies and was back to normal. _

Inuyasha gave a relieved sigh and patted his normal sized belly.

"Ohhh..."

Musicookie looked around. "Now what's the problem? Inuyasha, button your lip and --"

"That wasn't me. It was Myoga."

Indeed, the flea lay on Inuyasha's shoulder, rolling around and holding his little girth.

"Myoga?"

"All Sesshomaru's talk of blood made me so hungry, and I just had to eat... Oh, I think I ate too much."

"Are you able to referee the match still?"

Myoga set his proboscis and mustache in an expression of determination. "Holla... dawgs..."

"Good enough. Sessy-poo! Let's get it _on_!"

"Pitiful human. Proper English sentences do not end with a preposition."

"...Ok. Let's get _on_ it! Oh, but now the meaning has changed."

Myoga pulled weakly at a strand of Inuyasha's hair.

Inuyasha looked annoyed. "Fine, I'll tell them. The genre today is drama/fantasy. Just start already and get it over with."

_Once upon a time in feudal Japan, there was a young monk. It was his dream to travel the lands in search of the famed flaming feline. The monk was more of a dog person, but he wanted to find the kitten anyway. The whispered rumors stated that whoever had possession of the fiery cat would have one wish granted to them._

_Miroku's thoughts floated to the princess of his region. Sango... She was so beautiful, but a monk like him couldn't even meet her, much less get her to fall in love. Thus were his reasons for traveling. _

_Miroku walked through the thick, enchanted forest. However, an enchanted tree root caught his wandering steps, and Miroku fell face first into a pile of glittering crap. Yes, it was seriously glittering. _

_"Aw, ewwww..."_

_"That ain't 'ew,' it's magical."_

_"Huh?" Miroku looked up to see a Unicorn._

_"The name's Bubba. You just insulted my magic."_

_"Wha?"_

_"See, Monk? Look." Bubba gestured with a shining golden hoof to a patch of brightly colored flowers. "They didn't get so pretty by themselves, if you know what I mean."_

_"You're a unicorn."_

_"Yes, I know! I'm a fertilization engineer, too," said Bubba, enunciating each syllable clearly and haughtily. "So, why you here, monk?"_

_Miroku stood up and tried to regain some dignity. "I journey to find the famed flaming feline."_

_"You mean Kirara?"_

_"...Wait, you know her?"_

_"Well, sure! We benevolent mystical creatures all know each other. Why, just the other day I had lunch with Cupid. Y'know, all he eats is candy. Can't be healthy for ya. But anyway, yeah. I know Kirara."_

_"Would you do me the honor of journeying with me to find Kirara?"_

_Bubba pawed the ground. "Only if you let me bring my girlfriend. She's been bugging me to take her on a vacation. This'll have to do."_

_"Ok."_

_**"Oi, Ognas! Come 'ere!" brayed Bubba.**_

_**To Miroku's shock, a young woman approached them. She had to be the ugliest maiden in all of Japan. **_

_**But with a clear voice, ringing like a melody, she called the unicorn's name. "Bubba!" **_

_**Miroku reeled. Never had he heard such a heavenly voice. He closed his eyes and listened to her, filling his ears with the echoes of her call. **_

_**The woman ran to Bubba and embraced his white neck. **_

_**"Alrighty. Monk? This is my girlfriend, Ognas. Ain't she a beaut?"**_

_**Miroku opened his eyes hesitantly and looked at Ognas. He could scarcely believe such a beautiful song could come from so unfortunately ugly a face. **_

_**"Ognas, baby, we're going on a vacation!"**_

_**Ognas twisted her hideous features into what looked like grotesque anguish, but her joyous tone belied her happiness. "Oh, Bubba! Thank you!"**_

_**After a round on introductions, the monk, the unicorn, and the woman began their journey. It was a delightfully sunny day, and all of the flowers they passed were healthy and colorful. Bubba smirked and gave a pointed look at Miroku. **_

_**Miroku watched his feet as he asked Ognas a question. "Your name, milady, is very unique. Is it foreign?"**_

_**Miroku received an answer he'd never dreamed of getting.**_

_**"It is a long story. It is 'Sango' spelled backwards," she sang. "You've heard of Princess Sango? I am her twin."**_

_**"Gasp!" gasped Miroku. His steps faltered, and he stubbed his toe on a rock. He walked gingerly as he continued listening to her story.**_

_**"I was not pretty enough for palace life. They locked me away for years, and my only friend, my only window to the outside was in my sister." Ognas' voice lowered, the timbre resonating with somber, bitter tones. "But even Sango couldn't make me stay. I was a prisoner there. I ran away."**_

_**Bubba whinnied, tossing his regal horn through the air. "I found her on the ground, barely able to crawl anymore. I let her ride on my back and I carried her to safety. And from there," Bubba smiled at Ognas, showing his massive pearly whites, "we fell in love."**_

_**Ognas nodded. "Interspecies love is so romantic."**_

_**Miroku stole a side glance as Ognas wove her fat fingers through Bubba's mane. Anime sparkles fluttered through the air like butterflies.**_

_**What a bizarre development.**_

___Bizarre development indeed. _

_The group traveled on, camping, eating, and sleeping as necessary. Miorku's very soul was rejuvenated every night around the campfire as Ognas sang campfire songs such as 'Oh! Susanna,' 'Kumbaya,' and Spongebob's 'The F.U.N. Song.' Her voice was achingly beautiful, and Miroku likened it to the glorious choruses of heaven. Her lilting melodies haunted his dreams and gently beckoned him from sleep every morning. 'F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me...' echoed in the depths of Miroku's being. _

_The days passed, but finally, the end of their destination was in sight. Kirara the famed flaming feline lived, according to Bubba, on the south slope of Mt. Fuji. _

_They began climbing the slope, and Ognas had the privilege of riding on Bubba's smooth and literally shiny back. But an interruption came in the form of a cry._

_"Ognas!" a woman's voice called. It was like a slap in the face for Miroku, who had heard only Ognas for the past few days. What an boring, average voice. _

_They turned around to see a woman of stunning beauty stumble up the trail, tripping an generally looking pitiful and out of place. Her kimonos were clearly royal, but dusty and ripped in places._

_Ognas practically fell off Bubba. "Sango!"_

_Miroku tripped over his sandals. Sango?_

_"Oh, sister! Dearest sister!" The two woman hugged, each crying. _

_"Ognas! Why did you leave the palace! Why are you out here in the wilderness?"_

_"Sango, first, you must sit down. You don't look well._

_Indeed, Sango was swaying where she stood, pale and weak-looking. _

_After finding a suitable rock to seat a princess upon (not really, it was just a rock), Miroku couldn't help from staring at the sisters. And how in the name of the seven seas did Sango find them?_

_"Ognas, tell me. Why did you run away!" Sango cried, looking a bit crazy._

_Miroku closed his eyes, listening to Ognas' reply. "Sister, I was a bird in a cage. I saw no one but you and my maidservants. Is that a life to live? I was so lonely"_

_Sango wept, "But Ognas, you had me! And you left me there alone! I'm a caged bird as well, can't you see?!"_

_"You could attend balls, weddings, dinners. You saw the outside world, Sango. I didn't."_

_"Oh!" wailed Sango hysterically, hugging her sister again._

_**Miroku opened his eyes to look at Sango. A moment of Nirvana came upon him and it changed his life forever. He wasn't interested in Sango anymore. He couldn't imagine being married to such a clingy woman. Beauty, yes. Clinginess, no. No no.**_

_**Bubba stole a side glance at Miroku. "Monk," he whispered, "Let's let them catch up, eh? We'll hurry and see Kirara."**_

_**Bubba and Miroku snuck away and Bubba led Miroku up the mountain. **_

_**"Oh, what a climb..." said Miroku, trying to make conversation. It was harder than it seemed, talking with a fantasy animal. **_

_**"You want fairies?"**_

_**"...What?"**_

_**"Fairies. I can call some, and they'll carry you."**_

_**Bubba yodeled in Welsh. A swarm of sparklies was summoned. They were pastel colored little women with wings. Thousands of them formed a cloud, which Bubba encouraged Miroku to fall upon. **_

_**So, Miroku floated up the mountain, carried by raw fairy power. **_

_**"Welp, here she is."**_

_**Miroku looked around. They stood atop a cliff. Miroku peered over the edge, spotting the two tragic twins far, far below. **_

_**"Aren't you gonna say the magic words? Kirara doesn't come for just any old thing."**_

_**Miroku had no idea what Bubba was talking about. He also was doubtful he even wanted a wish anymore, now that he discovered how Sango was. **_

_**At a loss, and lacking anything else to do, Miroku chanted,"Weedles, McLarbin, Coca-cola, Farsnickety."**_

_**Several things happened at once. Bubba guffawed at Miroku's choice of magic words, Miroku heard a yowl, Kirara appeared in a burst of flames, Miroku realized his clothes were on fire, and Russia sold Alaska to the United States. **_

_**"Ahhh!"**_

_**Bubba was still chortling heavily. "Stop... drop..." he spat out between laughs, "and roll, dude...."**_

_**Thankfully, Miroku was good at following instructions. After rolling on the ground in a panic, a 'meow' caught his attention. **_

_**Kirara was a huge cat, and her faceted, citrine eyes glaring at him in unmistakable rage. **_

_**"You gone and did it now. The wrath of a cat burns for several generations, haven't you heard?"**_

_**"What did I do?"**_

_**Bubba shook his great head. "You insulted her with that..." Bubba stifled laughter, "ridiculous excuse for an incantation."**_

_**Kirara raised a huge paw, unsheathing her claws. They peeked at Miroku from between the fur and paw pads. **_

_**"Bubba! Help me!" Miroku looked with disbelief at Bubba, who stood there, looking bored.**_

_**Kirara snarled, and Miroku was looking death in the eyes. **_

___'Hey, death. Howzit goin?'_

_'Eh, I been better. They've got me on overtime with all the people dying these days. At least they're paying me time and a half...'_

_'Yeah, that's good...I think. So... you're not here for me are you?'_

_Bubba neighed. "Get outta here, Grim Reaper. Aren't you supposed to be at that meeting with Father Time and that New Year's Baby?"_

_The Reaper nodded his hooded head. "Yes, but death beckons me... like always."_

_"Well, no one around here is dying at the moment, so you can hightail it outta here."_

_"...Is there a Starbucks near? Reaping souls makes one so tired. I need caffeine."_

_Bubba gestured with a hoof. "North side of Fiji. Now if you don't mind..."_

_"What side are we on now?"_

_"South side. Seriously, Grim buddy--get lost."_

_The Reaper floated away on the breeze, mumbling about caramel mocha lattes being too expensive._

_Miroku blinked. "What the heck was that?"_

_Bubba shrugged, somehow manipulating his horse anatomy to make such a movement. "Dunno. But anyway, where were we? Oh yeah! Your life was flashing before your eyes as you were about to be impaled on Kirara's talons!" Bubba supplied cheerily._

_"AHHH!"_

_A clear voice carried through the clear mountain air. "Bubba!"_

_Kirara stopped, mid-attack. That voice was music, and mucsic soothes the savage beast. A quick whirlwind of flames surrounded Kirara, and she transformed into a little kitty._

_Miroku nursed his ailing ego. His masculinity hurt bad. Real bad. He had been whimpering for his life, about to be killed by a wittle kitty cat. _

_Ognas and Sango stumbled up the mountain trail. As soon as they saw the kitty, they cooed and their pupils dilated. Scientific studies have shown that the pupils of women dilate when looking at cute things like babies, puppies, and kittens. One guess on what makes men's pupils dilate..._

_**(What?)**_

___(Hey, you're interrupting the flow of the story.)_

_**(Me? You are the one who felt the need to type something completely off topic.)**_

___(You're kind of right.)_

_**(...I'm waiting.)**_

___(For what?)_

_**(What make's men's pupils dilate?)**_

___(Like I said, one guess. What do most all men enjoy looking at?)_

_**(...)**_

___(Exactly.)_

_Kirara mewled adorably, and Sango and Ognas instantly fell in love with the fire cat. Miroku stared. Just a second ago, that cat was about to tear his jugular from his neck. Now, it lay curled and docile in the arms of the women._

_"Awww...." Sango chirped, rubbing her nose in Kirara's fur._

_Ognas sighed in happiness. "I wish we could have a pet like you..."_

_Kirara glowed brown, because glowing other brighter colors is expected and therefore boring. Sango and Ognas were bathed in a warm brown light. _

_The wish was granted. A collar appeared around Kirara's neck. A metal tag was engraved with Kirara's name and her address. _

_Miroku almost protested. But what was the point. He didn't know what to wish for anyway anymore. _

_Bubba sighed. "Kirara. Now what will you do? People'll come here expecting to find you and get a wish. They can't do that if you're someone's pet."_

_**Kirara meowed, speaking in cat. Luckily, Bubba was fluent in cat, along with bird, horse, dog, baboon, whale, and moose. He was even fluent in dodo, but that was a dead language.**_

_**"Ah, great idea! Monk!"**_

_**"Hm?"**_

_**"You are the new mystical, wish-granting being that resides here."**_

_**"Wait, what?"**_

_**Bubba charged at Miroku, and pierced Miroku's temple with his golden horn. It didn't cause the monk any pain, and he felt a tingling feeling sparking along his corpus callosum. **_

_**Bubba pulled out his horn. "You now have the power to grant wishes. Oh, yeah. And you're stuck here."**_

_**"What!?"**_

_**"With great power comes great limitations. Believe me, I know. I may have magic fertilization powers, but I'm allergic to mustard. So anyway, welcome to Mt. Fiji! Your new home."**_

_**Bubba allowed the twins and their new pet to climb upon his back. "I'll be seeing you! You're a magic creature now, we'll be sure to run into each other."**_

_**"Wait!"**_

_**Only their farewells reached his ears. And so, the monk stayed on Mt. Fiji and still resides there to this day. Tourists can view his prostrate and miserable figure on the side of Fiji, if they can afford to part with enough yen. **_

_**One day in 2009, a little girl chattered to her mother, "Look, Mommy! It's a man!"**_

_**"Yes, honey. I see."**_

___The end._

A muscle twitched in Sesshomaru's jaw. "Human. This Sesshomaru was not yet finished. You had no authority to end it."

Musicookie yawned, "This story was all over the place. It was getting kinda rambly. And what were you doing, starting another story? This was a Miroku centric fic and you introduced some little girl and her mom."

"This Sesshomaru had plans. Great plans."

"Wah, wah. Miroku!"

Miroku was rubbing his head, though there was no wound from the unicorn's horn. Musicookie sensed a "Why" running through some readers' minds. The answer? Unicorns are magic. That's why there was no wound. Another little-known fact is that the internet is run by unicorn magic. That's how it all works.

Sesshomaru unsheathed Tokijin and began to attack Bubba. "Die!" he demanded. Sesshomaru lacks eloquence when he's overcome with bloodlust.

"Sessy! I was joking! Unicorns don't power the internet with their magic. Killing Bubba won't destroy the internet. Just give it up. The internet is really run by leprechan power, and there aren't any here."

Sesshomaru sheathed his sword, looking ticked.

"Don't destroy the internet. I know you're looking for supreme conquest or something like that, but we need the internet. _I _need the internet. I couldn't live without Youtube. It's like food to me, I need it to live."

"Then starve."

Myoga, thankfully, bit Musicookie and distracted her using her authoress powers to punish Sesshomaru. That was a shame, since Musicookie had a pink bunny rabbit suit she was itching to make someone wear.

Miroku said, "So, I have points to award? Ok. Musicookie, you made me very sensitive when I appreciated Ognas' voice."

Miroku turned to the readers, looking directly at all of them, speaking in an affected voice. "This is a side of me I don't want any of you to overlook. I am capable of sensitivity! I'm not just some grope-happy pervert! I am capable of appreciating a woman for characteristics other than a well-shaped posterior. Understand that. I am not some flat, 2-D character, succumbing to his carnal desires like some kind of barbaric animal."

Miroku's words were powerful, meaningful, and sincere, but they undermined by the actions of his wandering hand. Sango gave an outraged cry and slapped the monk.

"...As I was saying, I am capable of sensitivity. I like that Musicookie showed that side of me. She also saved me from Kirara, yet made me look lame at the same time. But... honestly, Musicookie, do you have an addiction to making characters fall into excrement? You also gave Koga that fate a couple rounds back."

Musicookie shrugged. "I thought glittering poop would be funny."

Miroku continued. "Sesshomaru, you carried me up a mountain with fairies, and threatened my life with an irate cat. You made me very funny with those magic words, and your writing was just funny in general. But, you also imprisoned me to stay stuck on Fiji and serve as a tourist attraction."

Miroku sighed. "This is a hard one. It really is. I suppose I will divide the 4 points between you equally. 2 for each of you."

"Very well," said Myoga. "Now, we need a judge for this round... Someone well versed in Drama and Fantasy... Jaken!"

The toad demon gave a jump, never expecting in a thousand years to be addressed.

"Erm... Musicookie introduced the fantasy part of the genre with Bubba, who I must say is a splendid original character. Musicookie also tried her best to insert drama with the two sisters and their strife. She also inserted humorous comments here and there... Though I must say, she introduced an unrelated topic, which caused quite a distraction and caused the story to be interrupted. The Grim Reaper making his entrance added funny to an otherwise "grim" situation, if you'll pardon the pun..."

Nobody laughed. Jaken decided to continue.

"Lord Sesshomaru, you did perfectly."

Musicookie pied Jaken. It was a superb key lime pie, and Musicookie mourned that such a wonderful pie had to be wasted on Jaken's face.

"You cannot favor him. A judge showing favoritism deserves to be pied. I will throw every dessert in my arsenal at your face if you show any partiality to Sesshomaru."

Cream dripping from his face, Jaken was torn in two. He had no idea what to do. Judging Sesshomaru meant death. Not judging him also meant death, although sweeter and creamier at Musicookie's hands.

Jaken proudly sang Sesshomaru's praises. "Lord Sesshomaru used amazing vocabulary, showing his skills with the English language. He introduced Ognas, who played a central role in the conflict between the twins. I wonder, though. Lord Sesshomaru, your writings most certainly reflect your beliefs, right, milord? You said interspecies love is romantic, but that results in filthy half-breeds who disgrace their noble demon blood!"

Inuyasha was the one to pie Jaken this time. Cherry pie, right in the kisser.

Wiping cherry sauce from his bulbous eyes (it looked disgustingly like blood and organs dribbling down his face), Jaken said, "My Lord directed the plot in places. May I be so bold to say; my Master was quite funny! I haven't laughed like that in centuries! He doomed Miroku to a fate worse than death. Oh, My Lord makes me so proud!"

Musicookie held a pie aloft, looking menacing. Chocolate pudding pie could indeed be a formidable threat, Jaken learned.

Jaken mumbled the next few sentences very quietly and quickly. He trembled in fear. "Milord, forgive me but you didn't add much to the fantasy part of the genre. In two places, you encouraged straying off the plotline and interrupting the story. forgive my Lord, but you were prolonging the story. You relied heavily on dialogue to relay your information, and weren't as detailed as normal."

Jaken flinched. He expected his life to end, and saw the reason why he still lived. Musicookie had typed Sesshomaru in an indestructable straitjacket. Jaken could see his Master's foot twitch. Oh, how Sesshomaru was aching to kick Jaken.

Musicookie looked satisfied with herself. "Your points?"

"I give 3 of 5 points to Musicookie, and 5 of 5 points to My Lord Sesshomaru, who I beg has mercy on me for daring to find any sort of fault with his writing."

The seams on the straitjacket stretched, but held fast. Sesshomaru calmed, seeming to resign to his current fate. He didn't remove his fiery glare from Jaken as he commanded, "Rin?"

"Yes, Lord Sesshomaru?"

"Kick Jaken."

"Yes, milord."

"OW! Why, you insolent little girl!"

Musicookie decided to clue the readers in on points. "So, I have 49 points, and Sesshomaru has caught up to me with 48 points. Wow," said Musicookie, impressed. "Look how far we've come! We've had seven rounds and we still have a few more to go. And Sessy and I are near to passing the 50-point mark."

Kagome nodded. "We should have some sort of flashback segment where we look back on all the good times we've had."

"Ok. Sessy, you start."

(flashback) Sesshomaru pictured a chess board in his mind. He pictured his white bishop take Musicookie's black king. Checkmate, said the Sesshomaru in Sesshomaru's mind. The Musicookie in Sesshomaru's mind exploded into thousands of dog treats, and they rained through the air. With unbridled glee, Sesshomaru made snow angels in the dog treats that littered the ground. Dog treat angels. (end)

Musicookie laughed. "Dog treat angels?! That's hilarious! I never knew you had it in you, Fluffy! You actually think random thoughts from time to time! Well, it's time for me to go now. This insanity has gone on way too long and I need a break. Oh yeah!" Musicookie freed Sesshomaru from his straitjacket.

"Don't hurt anybody, Sesshomaru. Remember, I'm always watching... See ya!"

Musicookie closed the document, saving it because it was comedy gold and way too good to lose.

Inside the document, Inuyasha shivered. "She's watching us? ...Anyone else creeped out?"

All hands (and in Naraku's case, a few dozen tentacles) went up in unanimous agreement.

----------------------------------

A/N: Phewie! Long chapter. I think this is the longest one so far. Like Musicookie said, this chapter kinda went all over, like when you spill something and the puddle spreads across the floor all out of control (yay for run-on sentences). "Faceted citrine" eyes isn't mine. I think it's from the fic "sesshomaru comes to dinner" by LC Rose. I'm not so eloquent in describing Sessy's eyes. (See chapter "supernatural/friendship" to see examples.)

Also, youtube really is important to me. My brother and I were discussing, "what if youtube collapsed for some reason?" Neither he nor I would know what to do. Gosh, I've discovered such wonderful musicians on there. It's due to youtube that I'm such a big Kudai fan. Without youtube, I'd have never known they even existed.

I was in a really weird mood when I wrote the beginning of this chapter, with Big Daddy's college stories. Seriously, a boot filled with tic tacs? ...Yeah, I don't even know where that came from. What in heaven's name is wrong with me? Nothing is altering my consciousness in any sort of way, so I guess I'm this weird naturally. Random thoughts pop in my head on a whim, and most of them I throw in and see what happens. Well, I hope you thought this chapter was funny!

Here's a random thing, since I always talk about something non-story related in my author's notes. I realized today that I really like snow.

1. It's so white, I bet it's the whitest white nature can create. It makes everything look clean. All the ugly brown grass is now covered up.

2. I love how bright and sunny it is when sun reflects off the snow; it's so cheerful! I like how snow is sparkly in the sunlight.

3. I like the noise it makes when you step on it, a kind of creaking or a squeak.

4. I also like how when there's snow on the ground, everything seems so quiet and serene. You can lay there in the snow, and it's completely quiet as you watch the endless flakes fall from the sky.

5. I like snow at night when the moon is out or when there's streetlamps. You can see where you're going and the show glows with an ethereal sheen.

6. A single snowflake is very small, but all the snow flakes -- billions and trillions of them -- all pile on the ground to become this huge, dominating mass you can't ignore. Snow is like rain, but snow stays where it lands and doesn't flow away or soak into the ground.

7. You can eat it. You can pour koolaid on it and have a snowcone.

8. You can slide on it.

9. You can play with it and make stuff with it.

10. You can shovel it off your sidewalk and deck, throwing a shower of snow on innocent passerby. (Pretend it was an accident, btw)

11. Classes were cancelled because it it. YAY!

So yeah. I like snow. We have 7 wonderful inches of it. Jeez, long author's note. I applaud for you if you actually read through the whole thing. Blah blah blah, it's all I do!

------------------------------

Review responses!

sangoworshiper - You don't have to apologize! I'm glad you aren't as destructive as Inuyasha is when playing DDR. Inuyasha is the reason things have safety recalls like you see pinned to the wall at a Walmart. Koga was talking about her underwear. Kagome would have had to been doing a handstand for him to see her bra. O.o

hitntr - Gosh, typing your name is hard. I keep wanting to type "hinter," which I think means "beyond" in German. Lol! I read fics at my college too, desperately trying to stifle my laughter. Once, I was laughing so hard, tears were in my eyes. Some guy chose then to sit at my table. "Weird laughing girl..." he must have thought. I have DDR for wii, and I'm just now trying the difficult songs. Sometimes it feels stupid, like I'm spasming all over the mat having some kind of leg seizure. As for you not having a life in highschool, I didn't either. And at least a dancing video game is better than sitting on the sofa and playing.

Drama Kagome - Thanks! One of my fave parts was Naraku trying to hit on Kikyo at the snack table. When you roll on the floor laughing (because I hope my stories are funny enough to make someone do so), please be careful! Don't roll and hit something! I like to roll down hills. Gosh, I'm such a little kid, talking about how I like snow and rolling down hills. I also like chocolate milk!

-------------------

I don't have a chapter preview. I have fallen behind. Blame school, DDR, snow (see above author's note), youtube, fanfiction . net, and la oreja de van gogh's new album. Sorry!


	11. Round 8: HurtComfortParody

Chapter 11

Normal font like this the 'reality' in the story.

_Musicookie's lines of the story are in italics._

_**Sesshomaru's lines of the story are in bold italics.**_

Score thus far: Musicookie 49, Sesshomaru 48

----------------------

Musicookie opened the document, looking around with a worried expression.

Yep, it was a bad as she thought it would be. Things were wrong, very wrong. Jaken had grown several limbs. Rin's head was gone and replaced with a goldfish bowl, complete with a little castle and a fishie. Inuyasha's feet were swollen to huge sizes, and Kagome had a lamp and a spatula instead of hands. Ah-Un was wearing glasses and perusing the pages of "War and Peace: The Extended Version," and Koga was singing opera. Shippo still had his tail, though it was growing out of his right ear. Naraku was in swimming trunks and looking very confused, and Sango and Miroku were playing tic tac toe with what appeared to be lipstick and aerosol cheese.

Musicookie saw Sesshomaru and gasped in horror. The worshipped and honored fluffy he always wore was gone and replaced with... with....

Oh, she couldn't say it, it was too nightmarish... Well, ok, she had to say it or else the story wouldn't continue.

Sesshomaru was wearing a hideous feather boa made of pink and purple feathers. Little sparklies twinkled in the light. There were even poorly sewed-on sequins spattered here and there along it. It looked like the Barbie aisle at Walmart had exploded and formed this abomination which now graced a furious Sesshomaru's shoulder.

Musicookie was wringing her hands. "Please! I'm so sorry I couldn't stop him!"

"It's quite a feat that we all managed to escape in such good shape as it is," said Sesshomaru with disdain, eyeing the mutations that were his fellow Inuyasha cast members. "Couldn't you control him?"

"I tried. I really did. But he was hungry. He's always hyper when he's hungry."

Musicookie led Sesshomaru to the webcam and they looked out at Musicookie's living room.

"See? Lucas has only just now calmed down." She was pointing at a happy looking puppy, white with black spots all over his fur. He sat on a sofa, tail wagging cheerfully.

"I couldn't stop him! I was typing and all of a sudden, Lucas is running all over me!"

"The laptop was on your lap, then?"

"Yeah, and his paws were hitting the keyboard all over! I had no idea it would have this effect..." She looked over at Naraku, who was still in swimming trunks. He appeared to be advising Miroku on his next move, and Miroku drew an "O" with aerosol cheese in the center square of the tic tac toe. Rin walked around blindly, tripping over Inuyasha's massive feet and falling. The water drained out of her new head, and the fish flopped helplessly on the floor.

Ah-Un set his book aside, strolling over to Musicookie and Sesshomaru. "Well," one of the heads said to an open-mouthed Musicookie, "now we know how this all happened." The other head spoke with an intelligent yet slightly haughty air. "Aren't you going to do anything to fix this, authoress?"

Sesshomaru grimaced, picking at an errant pink feather that was tickling his nose. "Yes. Fix this nonsense."

Musicookie pushed back her sleeves and cracked her knuckles. Several "undo" commands later, and after nearly a page of corrective typing, everyone was back to normal.

Kagome looked disappointed. "Couldn't you have waited a little? I wanted to see if I could turn on my own hand and flip a pancake at the same time."

Musicookie held Ah-Un's copy of "War and Peace" in front of his heads and looking for a response. Ah-Un looked at it blankly, then started chewing on one of the corners of the book.

"Yep," concluded Musicookie. "Ah-Un's as smart as meatloaf again; everything's back to normal. She saw with satisfaction that Sesshomaru was petting his fluffy, which was now fluffy and ...well, fluffy again.

Inuyasha said, "You know, you should really train your puppy."

"Dude, I don't think you quite grasp what's going on here. He's as hyper as sugar-high, pocky-crunching fangirls mobbing the booths at an anime convention searching a fleece Sesshomaru blanket or other related soft and/or plush Sesshomaru items to buy and obsessively cuddle with. You can't take the insane out of the fangirl, and you can't take the hyper out of Lucas."

Myoga decided to end Musicookie and Inuyasha's arguing over puppy training and start the battle.

"Today's round is Parody/Hurt/Comfort. This should be interesting. Now, you all know how it works, though we've added a new rule: no sledgehammers. Ya'll ready to do this thang?"

"Yo!" cried Musicookie in an affirmative response.

"Begin!"

_Kagua couldn't take the pain of life. Every day was like the torment a squirrel felt when he buried a nut and forgot where it was by spring. No worse, like when you're on stage and your fly's open. No, that's not bad enough, thought Kagura. Every day was like when you just got new shoes, but then it rains and your new shoes are muddy. Yeah, that's a good one. Kagura didn't know how she could go on living like this..._

_She was standing in front of the popular fast food chain McMeaty's, dressed in a meatball costume. Her arms stuck out of the brown, foam sphere and she felt like a complete moron. Her fellow employee and sister Kanna was in a bacon costume, looking forlorn and a little bored. _

_Cars honked as they passed, and passerby jeered at the costumed duo. A confused dog had also started to chew on Kanna, who shooed it away disinterestedly. _

_"This is the worst. Kanna, we have to quit."_

_"..."_

_"I'm going to commit suicide. I am going to run in front of traffic."_

_"Don't bother. Your meatball costume would protect you."_

_With despair, Kagura picked at the foam of her costume and realized Kanna was right. _

_"I don't even know who I am anymore! What happened to my dreams, my life!"_

_"You wanted to make it big in Hollywood. That's an unrealistic dream."_

_Tears stained Kagura's face, bringing attention to her tormented expression. "So what if it's unrealistic!? That doesn't mean it can't come true!"_

_"Actually, it does. Now, you need to keep waving or Naraku will get mad."_

_Kagura waved angrily at an old man passing by. He shuffled away at a slightly faster speed. Kagura was sick of Kanna being right all the time. Naraku, the manager at McMeaty's, would make her scrape the grease off the walls if she did anything wrong. _

_In retrospect, Kagura knew fully well that she wasn't the best employee. She had many teary episodes, wailing about how her dreams were gone and crushed, and that she felt numb with no will to live anymore. _

_Her last episode had been as she was mopping this morning. Naraku yelled at her for disturbing the customers, for getting tears and mascara in the food, and for accidentally flinging mop water on a 2-year old. The store had been exceptionally noisy that morning; Kagura and a 2-year old were both sobbing and wailing, Naraku was yelling at Kagura to stop, and the customers had to scream their orders at the cashier to be heard over the other noise. _

_Regardless, she needed this job, despite her dreams being the proverbial watermelon that was run over by a steamroller, doused in gasoline, then set on fire. Kagura made a mental note of that last metaphor. Kagura wrote amateur poetry, and that last one was good. Watermelons and steamrollers; now that was some quality material._

_**Naraku stick his head out the doors to see how his two costumed employees were doing. His greasy hair was in a sloppy ponytail, and one wondered why he didn't get a haircut seeing as he was employed in food service.**_

_**"We're getting busy. Kagura, come inside and open another register."**_

_**Kagura looked at Kanna, but her sister didn't seem to mind standing outside in a bacon costume alone. **_

_**Kagura folled her manager inside. She went to take the costume off, but Naraku dragged her by a handful of her foam and ushered her to a register. **_

_**Great. She had to take orders in a meatball costume. Kagura wished for nothing more but for her costume to catch fire, consume her, and end her life; but that didn't happen. Besides, the foam was probably bathed in flame retardant chemicals anyway.**_

_**Kagura's despair and discontent with her current life situation grew as each hour passed. Finally came closing time. Kanna and Kagura helped each other with their costumes. Kanna's came off quite easily. But Kagura's didn't seem to want to lessen its meaty grip.**_

_**"The zipper's stuck."**_

_**"Let's just rip it off, I want out of this thing."**_

_**"Oh no, you don't!" called Naraku from his office. "Unless you want to pay 40 dollars for a new costume!"**_

_**After fifteen minutes of miserable waiting, Kagura told Kanna to rub a french fry along the zipper. Kagura knew those things were practically sticks of grease, and indeed, the saturated fats and hydrogenated fatty oils oozed profusely from the fry and greased the zipper quite efficiently. **_

_**Tears welled in Kagura's eyes as a dribble of fry grease ran down the back of her neck. She had another episode, but this time, no one slipped on the tears puddling on the floor. Kagura was washing dishes and the tears fell in the dirty water instead.**_

_**The store was cleaned for the night and Naraku locked the doors behind them as they made their way to their cars.**_

_**"Kagura," he called in his impossibly deep voice. "May I have a word with you?"**_

_**Kanna went to sit in the car. Kagura met Naraku's eyes, looking hurt in preparation for him yelling at her. He always yelled. To her surprise, he didn't raise his voice.**_

_**"Kagura, I can't help but notice -- well, everyone can't help but notice -- that you're really distraught about something. Erm..." There was an awkward silence as Naraku fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, obviously uncomfortable. "I-I got you something."**_

_**Naraku shoved a piece of paper in her hands. It was a coupon for "Buy one sausage, get another half-price!" coupon for, guess where! McMeaty's!**_

_**Kagura held the coupon numbly in her hands, looking at the smiling sausage cartoon character who was the mascot of the fast food chain. And in the depths of her soul, a small smile also grew. **_

_**"Thanks, Naraku." She walked away without another word. She didn't say a thing to Kanna during the drive home. Kanna had noticed the slip of paper clutched in her sister's hand. **_

___After getting home, Kagura began to walk to her room._

_"Kagura, are you going to write depressing poetry like you usually do after work?"_

_Kagura nodded and turned to leave, but Kanna stopped her with a pale hand on her arm._

_Kagura looked into her sister's black eyes. Kagura had always wondered how they were so black. Like pools of tar. Or perhaps like drawing with a permanent marker on black paper at night. _

_"You know, sister..." said Kanna. "What I said earlier, when we were dressed as meat. Your dream isn't impossible."_

_Kagura's breath caught in her throat, and she held it there as her sister said, "It will be a challenge to achieve, but you can do it."_

_Kagura breathed in, and it felt like fresh air for the first time._

_Kanna continued. "You know, you could be the meatball again. If you really get into your role, someone from Hollywood might notice you. You must put your heart into it."_

_A little bit of sunlight shone on Kagura's lost and hopeless soul. Kanna must have said all she wanted to say, and she promptly went to the television to catch the latest episode of "Paula's Home Cooking" on Food Network. It was Kanna's favorite show, and in this episode, Paula showed how to make southern fried chicken._

_Kagura watched as her sister soundlessly took notes for the Chocolaty-Peanut Butter Encrusted Rum Cake recipe. Kagura didn't know how her sister did it, but she had said the words Kagura needed to hear most. _

_**Kagura went to her room, but instead of getting the razor or the poetry book, she rummaged in her drawers and found her old fans. Posing in front of the mirror, she danced with her fans. Her feet still knew the steps from the dance routine she'd practiced as a girl. **_

_**Even though she was still dressed in her smelly work clothes, she caught a glimpse of the grace and beauty of her routine. For perhaps a moment, she was transported to another world, a happier one where her dreams lifted her up beyond the clouds and into the sun. **_

_**She felt it. Tomorrow was going to be different. Tomorrow, her dreams would come true. **_

__Musicookie waited, not wanting to tick Sesshomaru off. Making sure he was entirely finished typing, she clapped.

"What a hopeful ending! And here I thought you were all gloom and doom, Sesshomaru."

Jaken twitched as Musicookie poked fun at his master. "You! You take that back, you sick woman!"

Musicookie raised her hands in a "Whoa" gesture. "Jeez, overreacting much? I know Sesshomaru isn't Mr. Happy Rainbows and Sunshine, but that was a nice ending, you can't deny."

Sesshomaru immediately lowered his clawed fingers to the keyboard of his laptop to change what he had typed, but Myoga hopped agitatedly.

"No, no, no! That's your story and you have to stick to it! You've already typed it, and modifying it after we reach an agreed-upon ending is against the rules!"

Musicookie nodded. "Too bad. Looks like you're stick with your happy ending after all."

Jaken proceeded to throw a temper tantrum, screeching about how happy endings were no fun. In the meantime, Myoga ushered Kagura and Kanna forward.

"Kagura, your points?"

"Musicookie made me so tragic. She dressed me in a meat costume, that was no fun. But she make Kanna give me words of comfort. And it was funny how I got to fling mop water on a kid. I really don't know what else to say."

"As for Sesshomaru's depiction of me, he at least got me out of that meatball and gave me a coupon. He didn't develop me as a character until the last paragraph where he let me dance. The ending was nice, like Musicookie said, it had hope. Even though I'm a tough girl and I can deal with hard times, it was nice to have a bit of hope. I award Musicookie 1 point and Sesshomaru 3, but I only gave Sesshomaru more because of the redeeming ending."

Kanna began to speak in her quiet voice, and everyone except the demons with sharp hearing had to strain to hear her. Musicookie handed her a megaphone, and Kanna's soft voice combined with the blare of the device made for a strange combination. "Kagura, you were complaining Sesshomaru didn't develop you as a character. How do you think I feel?"

Musicookie blinked. "You feel?"

Kanna lowered the megaphone, and her cold eyes found Musicookie and contemplated her thoughtfully. "I'm not sure."

An awkward silence commenced, broken by Inuyasha slurping some ramen Kagome had made.

Kanna continued. "Musicookie gave me a bit of a personality. She made me logical, bored, comforting, and eccentric all at the same time. I am not used to such treatment. Although just watching that show made my arteries clog. And Sesshomaru only mentioned me twice, in passing. Musicookie gets all 4 of my points, Sesshomaru gets none from me."

"Bam!" screamed Musicookie, pumping her fist in the air. It hit a passing Saimyosho insect, and it angrily stung her hand. Immediately, Musicookie's hand became swollen like a balloon, and she looked at it in confusion.

Myoga called the judge. "Since this round was parody/hurt/comfort, the ideal judge is obviously Kaede, who has not made a single appearance until now! What are we on, the eleventh chapter? Sorry, Kaede!"

Kaede shook her head. "It be alright, child. I was busy anyway."

Musicookie said, "Really? Doing what?"

Kaede rubbed her hands together greedily. "Online gambling, what else! I'm a real whiz at blackjack!"

"...."

"I guess I should judge while the sun still shines. That didn't make much sense... Oh my, listen to an old lady ramble..." Kaede's eyes unfocused and she chuckled to herself. "Musicookie was very detailed expressing the obvious pain of Kagura's life. In a humorous manner, of course, which I thought was classy. She also brought Kagura out of her sadness. Musicookie skillfully used flashbacks, and she also artfully shows us what Kagura was thinking. The dialogue you created between the characters was very entertaining and not dry at all. In the end, Musicookie did a splendid part fulfilling the hurt, comfort, and parody genres. I applaud ye, child."

"Sesshomaru. You did a decent job continuing Kagura's pain. The coupon for sausages was a turning point in the plotline, and was to my surprise, a turn for the better. You were quite funny and as always your grammar was spectacular. The sentimental moment at the end was very uplifting for the soul, and having her dance was a wonderful metaphor of her shedding the greviences of her adult life and being born again as an innocent babe, fresh, new, and happy."

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow.

"The only part of the genre you fulfilled was the comfort part, which was something I never expected of ye. I shall now give my points! Musicookie gets 5 of 5 points, and Sesshomaru gets 2 of 5. I shall now get back to my very important game of Texas Hold-Em."

Kaede swiftly turned heel and disappeared to parts unknown. Musicookie never would have believed Kaede was addicted to internet gambling.

Before anyone spoke, Kagome held up Shippo. "I just taught Shippo addition, so let him add up the points! Ok, Shippo, go!"

Shippo concentrated, diligently counting on his fingers. "Musicookie has 6 points, and Sesshomaru has 5."

Kagome hugged Shippo. Inuyasha looked jealous. "Well, jeez! I could'a told you that."

Kagome ignored him. "And if Musicookie has 49 points, and Sesshomaru has 48, how many points do each of them have now?"

"55 and 53!"

Kagome squealed, amd Musicookie typed Shippo up a lollipop. But no worries, it was one of those safety pops with the loop instead of a stick. No choking hazards was outraged. "You are just rewarding the fox child because he intentionally rubbed it in Lord Sesshomaru's face that he lost!"

Sesshomaru growled. He'd experienced a few, rare, rare physical injuries, but the wounds in his ego cut deeper than the sharpest sword. Jaken would pay.

_**Jaken suddenly found himself caught in a stampede of wildebeest.**_

"AHH! Milord, milord, forgive me!" His cries were silenced by a hoof to the face.

Musicookie sighed. "Ahhh, Jaken in pain. What a great way to end this round. Music to my ears."

"Music," Kagome sighed. "Hey, Musicookie, that reminds me of something. Why is Musicookie your name?"

"I'm afraid I cannot reveal such personal information. It would divulge the secret of my greatest weakness."

Naraku instandly leaped upon her words. "Oh, really? You shall tell me!"

"Or what?"

"I will dress in those swimming trunks, doodle with lipstick all over my body, and eat aerosol cheese until I vomit!"

".....Ew. Bad, bad mental images. I was just joking. I'll tell you."

Naraku's face lit up like when there's a bright camera flash that blinds every unfortunate person in the vicinity. "Really!?!"

"No. C'ya, homies!" Musicookie saved and closed the document, chuckling to herself.

------------------------

A/N: Hey, peoples. How are you all? My puppy Lucas made an appearance. I do have to be careful when typing on the floor or on the sofa with the laptop on my lap. I wanted to ask... I thought of something last week. How do you all picture Musicookie? Surely, you have some sort of mental image of me in your head. I'm curious to see what that image is. Accurate? Way off the mark? Or maybe I'm just faceless. I know when I read Lord of the Rings trilogy, there were way, way too many minor characters and I stopped trying to imagine faces for all of them.

Secondly, I was typing notes for class and I realized I have typing habits. One, I don't type all perfect like I was taught. My form is unorthodox. Like to type /p/, I don't use my right pinky, I use the right ring finger instead because it feels better. Second, typos amuse me. I had to type Brain but I typed Brian. Opposite became Poopsite (lol, lol so hard). Smile became Slime. One of my favorites was one of a classmate: she intended to type Vicious, but typed Viscous, which means thick and jellylike. In context, it was hilarious (viscous bullies, lol). Three, there are a few words I hate to type: strategy (stragety), opportunity, experience, awkward (2 w's is insane), simultaneous, processing, and between (I type "twixt" instead. I like the word twixt). Four, I like to have screen names and passwords that are easy to type. Musicookie is thankfully an easy name.

----------------------------

Review Responses. Sweet Heavens to Betsy, I got like, 12 new reviews. Wow. And yay for passing the 50 review mark! Thank you guys! I have a celebration in mind, a oneshot Inuyasha humor fic, cuz I for some reason write humor better than any other genre.

hanyougothgirl - Thanks for your reviews! Yes, I live on youtube. I just started an account and already have over 50 favorited videos. Lovin it! And to answer your question about Musicookie romantically paired with Sesshomaru? Hold on... *cracks up with hysterical laughter* No... never. ....Ever. There are no pairings in this story, really. And I can't imagine me with Sesshomaru. Even though he's my favorite character in Inuyasha, he'd be the worst boyfriend ever. I'd always be terrified of him, and he wouldn't care about me at all. He'd probably separate my head from my body to get me to shut up.

hitntr - Thanks! I also have a little brother and know exactly where you're coming from. He and I are always beating on each other, but lately I've had to back off cuz he hit puberty and is now way bigger than me. We're still very close, though, and I love him tons. I wonder why sibling relationships are all loving yet laced with acts of violence? Maybe cuz it's not proper to tackle any other people to steal the tv remote. With siblings, stuff like that's ok.

Drama Kagome - Story fighting is great. It lets out all the aggression I have! Grr! *attacks a pillow and somehow loses*

sangoworshiper - Thanks! I didn't think of that! Yeah, all he had to grope was rocks and stuff! Now that's a punishment. Never trust technology. Ever watch Terminator? *eyes laptop with suspicion* Leprechauns... One day they will rule the world with robots and Arnold Swartzaneggher (spelling? I'm not from California). ...I'm so weird, I have no idea where that came from.

Liesie - Bah! New favorite phrase! Bah! Your rant was so hilarious, I read it to my brother, even doing my best old man voice. My grandpa always tells me the prices of things he buys. He's a farmer and is always buying pieces for his tractors. "This piece was $93. This bale twine is $40 a roll. Oh, greasing the lawnmower, are you? One can of that grease is $3, and they come in a box of 4, so each squirt costs around 30 cents or so. Be careful with the blades, they're $100 apiece so don't run over any stumps." He bought a fancy and very expensive mattress and calculated that if he lives ten years, each night's sleep will cost $1.40. And he thinks that's important enough to inform me, my mom, my aunt, and who knows how many other people. Don't even get him started on miles per gallon. *dies*

Puppiesareadorable: Yum, Ice cream. My one weakness. You sent me traumatized to the corner a lot, so I decorated it with little drawings to help me feel better and push those *shudders* horrible mental images out of my head. Food fights are fun. Thanks for letting me throw balled up pancakes, that was fun. And ...why syrup and ketchup? Syrup and mustard makes SO much more sense. Yay for snow, but some of it melted and there's only a bit left in the shadows. About the japanese word rant, I don't like reading the "japanese" in fics because it interrupts the flow of the story, and because there are usable equivalent words in english. Like I said in the rant, I don't randomly insert spanish in my fics, because they're in english, and I know not everyone speaks spanish. Si? Claro que es asi. Estes de acuerda?

Sassybratt - I agree that snow can sometimes make a crunch, but newly fallen snow makes a little creak as you step on it. Snow is one of the reasons I like winter. I hate it when there are snowless winters. What's the point? Mother Nature, if that's how you're gonna be, just make it spring and put us out of this gloomy misery. There wasn't death this chapter, though there was pain and torment! At least we have that. Oh, and Kagura threatened suicide. That's...death-y.

Flames Chaos and Wolf - I agree, it was like a cardinal sin not to mess with his fluffy. After reading your review, I realized the severe error of my ways and wrote this chapter, hoping for redemption. I hope my ernest endeavors this chapter appeased you, and the fanfiction deities who are always watching us... And the leprechauns too. I always want to please the internet leprechauns.


	12. Round 9: RomanceHorror

Chapter 12

Normal font like this the 'reality' in the story.

_Musicookie's lines of the story are in italics._

_**Sesshomaru's lines of the story are in bold italics.**_

Score thus far: Musicookie 55, Sesshomaru 53

----------------------

Musicookie opened the document to find all the Inuyasha cast members huddled in a corner, crowding to look at something. Musicookie made her way closer, curious to see what she'd find today.

Inuyasha was looking at a pop-up ad with wide eyes. "Free smileys!" He raised a clawed hand to the "Free Smileys Now!" button.

Musicookie ran in slow motion. "Inuyasha, no!!!"

The dreaded 'click' reached her ears. Muicookie tripped over Sesshomaru's well-placed foot in slo-mo.

Inuyasha waited, ears flickering. Nothing was happening. He expected smileys, what the heck. He opened his mouth to voice his unhappiness, but what came out was most peculiar.

"= ("

Musicookie looked up from her vantage point on the ground. "O.o", she said.

Kagome seemed to be laughing, though no one heard her. "XD," she chuckled.

"(8-O" gasped Musicookie, picking herself up off the ground. They were talking in smileys!

"-_-;" sweated Miroku.

Inuyasha looked imploringly to Musicookie, trying to express his apology.

"0 : -)" he said, angelically.

Musicookie massaged her temples, not buying it. "_" she stated. ": - / " she thought, wondering how they could get this back to normal.

Musicookie decided to scream at him. "D: " she yelled.

"):-P" said Inuyasha.

Sesshomaru couldn't help himself. He punched Inuyasha with a single, brutal fist. (9'-')--o Oh yeah, baby! BAM!

"X_X"

"U_U" said Musicookie, shaking her head in pity for the unconscious Inuyasha.

She went to the computer, squinting at the screen. "~_~"

Sesshomaru followed. He also seemed determined to end this nonsense. ":-s" he said.

Musicookie's fingers were a whir as she tried to type things normal again. But nothing seemed to work. "TT_TT" weeped Musicookie.

"(o_o#)" said Sesshomaru, a vein throbbing angrily in his temple. He shoved Musicookie's hands away from the keyboard and began to type. "(-_-;)" he sweated, actually nervous that things would be stuck this way.

But he paused, giving a quizzical look at Musicookie once seeing her desktop background. "?_?"

"=^_^=" blushed Musicookie, a little embarrassed.

"(v.v)" sighed Sesshomaru, deciding to ask her about it later. He went into her hardrive, typing in codes Musicookie couldn't comprehend.

";u" yawned Musicookie. Sesshomaru was totally geeking out. She never would have imagined it. She pictured him in plaid slacks, a shirt with a pocket protector, freckles, and buckteeth.

":-3" she giggled internally.

After nearly 5 minutes of furious typing, Sesshomaru suddenly stood. He drew his sword and crawled into the hardrive of Musicookie's computer.

"O.O" went Musicookie. She was a little concerned for her computer, as she heard the sounds of sword slashing and little screams. She grimaced as she realized she was listening to things being killed. "( '_' ;) " she sweated.

Sesshomaru returned. Musicookie sighed, and then gasped at the sound of her voice. She hummed and felt the vibrations in her throat, smiling.

"Whoa, how did you fix that?"

"This Sesshomaru had to manually destroy the virus. Smileys infested the hardrive, and this Sesshomaru took pleasure in seeing their innards splattered on the walls, and hearing their screams for mercy."

Musicookie smiled with teary and sparkling anime eyes, which is an expression that has no equivalent emoticon. "Thank you."

She typed him up a chocolate milkshake, which he held in an uncomfortable clawed hand.

Musicookie typed Inuyasha awake. "You idiot! Never, NEVER, click on pop-ups! They may look shiny and enticing, but they are bad, bad news! Touch one again, and I'll bop you one. HARD! I'll even go to the grocery stores and set fire to all the ramen!"

"Jeez, sorry..."

Kagome patted Musicookie's shoulder. Musicookie shook her head. "Man, I was scared there. I thought I would never be able to talk again."

Kagome snatched the untouched milkshake from Sesshomaru's grip. "Here, hun. Drink this, it'll make you feel better."

Musicookie took the milkshake, sipping at it forlornly. "I don't even feel like writing anything today."

Myoga nearly flipped out. "You can't do that! Think about the readers! People have this story on alert! Some even favorited it!"

Musicookie sighed.

"They look forward to this story! You can't just toss it aside, what's wrong with you!"

Sesshomaru scoffed. "Typical human behavior, wavering at the slightest feeling of weakness."

Musicookie narrowed her eyes. "Kagome, take my milkshake." Kagome did, blinking. Musicookie rolled up her sleeves, a determined glint in her eyes.

"Thanks, Fluffball. You just reminded me why I'd doing this. I want to beat your fluffy butt! You can't win at everything!"

Musicookie suddenly turned to the readers. "But don't get me wrong, I'm not doing this just for him, I love you guys too. Each of you deserve your very own country. One day when I rule the world, you'll each get a country. Make dibs now, but I get the entire continent of South America, so hands off."

"Hey!" cried Jaken. "That's Lord Sesshomaru's plan!"

"He wants South America?"

"No! World domination and supreme conquest are Sesshomaru's plans! And he was gonna give _me _South America!"

"You fool! What would you ever want with South America!"

"The rainforest is my natural habitat!"

Musicookie stopped, holding back a retort that had been ready to leap from her lips. "You know, you are a toad thing. It makes sense that a wet place like the rainforest would be good home for you."

"Japan is so dry in comparison, it does nothing for my complexion. These wrinkles seem to stand out more..."

"Yeah, you do look like a raisin..."

Myoga cleared his throat.

"A very old..."

Myoga coughed.

"...Withered raisin...OW!"

Musicookie slapped her own cheek, and no one was surprised. Myoga floated, flying and flipping through the air a few times, falling flattened to the floor and landing with a flop. It was a sad fate for a flea, worse than flogging, or eating flaming flan with fellow fleas. Alliteration is fun. Fabulously so.

Musicookie peeled him off the ground, grabbing a air pump and sticking the nozzle in Myoga's mouth. Myoga grew, inflated by the stale air of the contraption.

"Blech," he spat. "At any rate, we need to get this show on the road. Break a leg, take a bow, never say never, exit, stage left."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't even know anymore. This round is Romance/Horror. Get jiggy wid it! And begin!"

_Kagome clutched her cat to her chest, looking accusingly at the strange two-tailed cat that Buyo had been engaging in a purr session with. Buyo had actually run away from home to apparently attend this midnight tryst. _

_"Kirara!" a voice called. Kagome looked around, realizing that she was in a dark city alleyway -- alone -- with her cat. She would have ran, or hid in the dumpster, but there was no time. A man ran around the corner at inhuman speeds. _

_He was dressed in a slick black suit, and blended in with the night. His long hair was midnight black and his eyes like shards of obsidian that pierced through the distance between them, stabbing the air like daggers wielded by an illogically angry monkey. _

_And Kagome was the banana the monkey was after._

_The man approached at normal speed, taking the strange cat into his arms. Kagome found that he couldn't take her eyes from the man._

_"Kirara, you moron!" yelled the man, holding the cat at arms length. _

_Kagome snapped out of trance and wiped the drool from her chin, hoping this hottie didn't notice. "Hey! Don't insult your own cat! Meanie!"_

_His eyes once again met Kagome's, and Kagome felt like the floor was falling apart beneath her feet. His eyes were like black holes that sucked her into their dark depths, only without becoming trapped in gravitational space time dilation and disappearing into oblivion. But Albert Einstein and his Theory of Relativity couldn't explain what attracted her so to this man. _

_**After that long tirade of fawning over the man's featureless and average appearance, the man spoke.**_

_**"Who the heck are you to tell me what I do with my ...cat."**_

_**Kagome closed her eyes, determined to avoid falling into the trap of the man's eyes. **_

_**"Yelling at animals is cruel."**_

_**"What!? She's my cat, I can do whatever I want!"**_

_**"So you just let her run around in dark alleys, a victim to the dangers of the night?"**_

_**"Well, ain't that what you and your cat are doing?"**_

_**"This isn't about me!"**_

_**The man was closer than ever. They were screaming into each other's faces, their voices a cacophony of echos floating into the midnight air. **_

_**He appeared to be breathing deeply, and looking confused. **_

_**"What? You pervert! Why are you smelling me?!"**_

_**The man caught her eyes for the perhaps fourth time in so many minutes. "You...you smell."**_

_**"Jerk!"**_

_**"No, you smell like..."**_

_**Kagome waited. **_

_**"Loneliness," the man whispered, huskily. "An aching loneliness, tinged with holy powers..."**_

_**Kagome gasped as he actually put his nose in her hair, sniffing lazily. But the sharp sound of her gasp cut his ears, and the man recoiled. Fear and surprise flashed through his expressions. **_

_**Cat clutched in his arms, he spun on his heel and strode away. **_

_**Kagome was dumbfounded, but she was still in this alley and needed to find her way home. She ran, her steps loud in the still of the night.**_

_Kagome tried to return to her normal life, but it was impossible. On the edges of her vision danced the image of the mysterious man she'd met that night. She swore she saw his face everywhere. His glance has struck her senseless and imprinted into her mind like she was the duckling who had imprinted on the nearest living thing, even if it was a flamingo or a platypus._

_Every day was fleeting, like a dream that dissolved, half-remembered. Until the 11 of March, when she saw the man again._

_He was staring at her intently from across the grocery store parking lot. How they could see each other and actually meet eyes at such a distance was stretching it a bit, but somehow they did so. _

_Suddenly, a fat woman's screams broke the silence of the parking lot. She was struggling to push a shopping cart filled to the brim with packages of bottled water. The woman lost her grip and broke a nail. The cart rolled away from her reach. _

_"Ahh! Runaway cart!" To label the cart as "runaway" was also a stretch, seeing as it moved at an impressive 0.2 miles per hour. Rather, mile per hour. Well, less than that, even. _

_The cart hurtled -- reaching speeds rivaling a snail's -- straight towards Kagome. In a lapse of good judgement, she stood there, watching it advance towards her. She was helpless, escape was futile. _

_The fat woman hobbled after the cart, but it was rolling along much too fast and she was already completely winded. "Runaway cart!" she again yodeled._

_The man had leapt into action, grabbing the cart and shoving it so its path missed Kagome. It inched past Kagome, missing her by over a foot. It dented her car very badly, but Kagome only had eyes for her hero. _

_"You..." Kagome breathed._

_"...Me..." the man replied. _

_"Thanks, I could have been killed."_

_**"I couldn't just stand by, not when you're so..."**_

_**Kagome waited on baited breath.**_

_**"Yummy."**_

_**Kagome heard a song randomly begin, BoA's "Eat You Up."**_

_**"I'll eat you up.... so yum, yum..." It was coming from the grocery store's intercom system. The bass blared in the speakers. Random things exploded, including windows of cars, Kagome's eardrums, and the bottled water that was in the cart that had made itself at home, lodged in Kagome's car door. **_

_**Water from the water bottles rained through the air, streaming down their faces. Droplets of it sparkled in the air, cheerfully catching the light.**_

_**"Yummy?"**_

_**The man nodded. "You have a scent like no one else's... It haunts me, but I cannot pull away. But we shouldn't be friends. I need to stay away from you."**_

_**Kagome was already forming the question "why" on her lips, but he raced away, moving at indescribable speeds. The shopping cart and all snails were left in the dust. **_

_**Kagome went to work, an unspectacular job as a librarian. She was struck with a sudden urge to connect with nature as she flipped through **__**The Jungle Book**__** by Rudyard Kipling. As soon as her shift ended, she boarded the bus to the nearest forest. **_

_**She stepped off the bus; it left her there, completely abandoned. Kagome mused that being alone like this was a bad habit she needed to break. She sighed and trekked through the forest with no destination in mind. **_

_**A pair of keen black eyes followed her movements and she was none the wiser...**_

_After getting herself completely lost, she sat on a log in a clearing. It was late afternoon, and the sun was making its descent. She estimated she had a few hours to find the bus stop. She pawed morosely at the dirt with her foot. _

_But she wouldn't find the bus stop that afternoon. Kagome looked up to see the man again. _

_"You...."_

_"...Me...."_

_"I thought you said you needed to stay away from me."_

_"I can't help it, you smell so...delicious."_

_The man's aura pules visibly. Kagome fell from her log as the man transformed. His hair lightened to become silver. Claws extended from his fingers, and jagged stripes journeyed across his cheeks. Fangs poked from his lips, and two dog ears sprouted from his scalp like the grass on a Chia pet. _

_Most terrifying were his eyes. They changed from black to a blood-stained red. The irises were teal, like slivers of turquoise floating in pools of ketchup. No, scratch that -- blood. _

_"You're a demon?"_

_"My name is Inuyasha, and I am going to eat you now."_

_"Why introduce yourself to me, then?"_

_Inuyasha shrugged. "I've never wanted to eat someone as bady as I've wanted to eat you. Ummm, to tear the flesh off your femur! I can't wait!"_

_Inuyasha felt in his pockets for something. He pulled out a fork, a spoon, and a wad of napkins, but he seemed distressed._

_"Aw, great. Just great! I forgot the barbecue sauce! Looks like I can't eat you after all."_

_"Ok, then."_

_"Aren't you afraid of me?" questioned Inuyasha, pocketing the utensils. _

_Kagome shook her head eagerly. "No. No, never. I love you."_

_"I love you too. Let's go and see my kitchen. I just got this giant pot, you could fit an entire person inside it!"_

_"Inuyasha, kiss me!"_

_"No, I wanna save my appetite."_

_**Kagome allowed herself to be hoisted on his back, and they ran to Inuyasha's house to see his kitchen. **_

_**"Well, here we are." Inuyasha licked his lips and eyed Kagome. "Kitchen's this way, let's go."**_

_**Kagome floated behind him, eyes replaced with hearts. Inuyasha rummaged through his refrigerator, reaching behind a tupperware labeled with the date and containing unknown leftovers. **_

_**"Here it is! Barbecue sauce! Now we're all set!"**_

_**"For what?"**_

_**Inuyasha set a giant stew pot on the stove. "Romantic dinner, what else?"**_

_**"Oh, Yashie!"**_

_**"...Don't call me that. Hey, do you know how to make gravy?"**_

_**Before Kagome knew it, the evening flew by as they prepared dinner. Kagome even put a single rose in a vase, setting it proudly on the table.**_

_**Inuyasha opened the giant pot, sniffing the broth that simmered inside.**_

_**"Eh, Megan, come here!"**_

_**"Kagome."**_

_**"Irene, Brittany, Kagome -- they're all the same. Get in this pot."**_

_**Kagome eyed the pot. Steam wafted out of it, the warm smell of vegetable soup wafting to meet her nose.**_

_**"It's soup."**_

_**"No, it's not. It's a groundbreaking formula discovered by a hidden tribe in Africa. It's a beauty spa treatment that will make your skin glow. The celery absorbs toxins, while the potatoes moisturize the skin."**_

_**"And the carrots?"**_

_**"I'll be completely honest with you, Madeline -- they're just for show. To add color, you know?"**_

_**"That makes so much sense!"**_

_**"Clearly." Inuyasha wore a fanged smile as he aided Kagome into the pot. **_

_**Kagome hissed at the heat, but Inuyasha's assurances told her everything would be fine. And when he closed the lid on her, shrouding her in darkness, his smooth voice soothed her, telling her it was all part of the beauty procedure. And when Kagome felt herself losing consciousness in the hot liquid, she heard her lover's voice and imagined the heat around her was from the warmth of being in his arms. **_

_**Inuyasha ate good that night. He rubbed his giant belly and picked at his teeth with a toothpick. **_

_**Kirara entered the room from the cat door. She meowed, "Hey, why didn't you save any for me?"**_

_**"Don't joke, you've had your fill."**_

_**Kirara nodded, hacking up a hairball of white, black, and orange cat fur.**_

Musicookie was clutching her stomach, doubled over in laughter. She wiped tears from her eyes. "Oh...Oh, I can't breathe... Oh, that was so..." she broke into laughter.

Inuyasha poked his stomach. "Kagome, you ok?"

A muffled voice came from inside him. Musicookie stopped laughing long enough to concentrate and type Kagome as back to normal and not being digested.

"That was disgusting!" she exclaimed.

"Oh! That was so funny! That was so disturbing, but I loved it!_"_

Sesshomaru looked pleased with himself as Jaken sang the usual praises, extolling his master for his superb skills of writing about death.

Myoga called Inuyasha and Kagome forward. "Kagome, your points?"

"That was disgusting. I was such an airhead, too."

"Please," soothed Myoga. "Judge the story."

Kagome sighed. "Musicookie, the beginning was really good. You made it really funny and you set the tone of the encounter. Even though you made me really stupid with the shopping cart, you did let me live in the forest. I think it's really funny when you write."

"Sesshomaru, you've gone and killed me off again. You tried to spark romance between Inuyasha and I. You also made the story very scary. If my role hadn't have been such an airhead, I would have been creeped out. You made me so stupid, but love is blind, I suppose. My death was kind of poetic."

"I really don't know with this one," continued Kagome. "I know I have to divide 4 points equally between you two, though. What the heck! I give 3 points to Musicookie and 1 to Sesshomaru. I hate being killed off."

Kagome stepped back and ushered Inuyasha forward. He held his stomach. "Ohh, I think I'm gonna be sick..."

"Suck it up and be a man."

"Fine...cranky... Ok then, Musicookie made me sound all cool at the beginning. She gave me a little action scene with the cart, but it wasn't much. I was hoping for some demons to slice, but whatever. Musicookie made my transformation cool. I like how she described me with all those details. You gave me the idea of eating Kagome, though, and--" Inuyasha groaned. "I need an antiacid."

"Well, you made me...this is weird to say to you of all people. You made me romantic. Blech." Inuyasha shuddered, and the action looked like when a dog shakes the water from its fur after a bath.

"You paid attention to the things a demon would notice, like smells. You made me eat...you made me cook...ohhhh" Inuyasha winced. "Oh, my stomach. Man, why'd you have to make me eat my girlfriend?"

Kikyo raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"Girlfriend?" blushed Kagome.

"Whatever, you made me eat someone I really care about! you made me trick her into being cooked for dinner! You didn't even let me get her name right. Madeline? That sounds nothing like Kagome! I give 3 points to Musicookie, and 1 point to you, you bass turd."

Musicookie sighed dramatically. "I'm already in such a lead. I thought this round would be different, Sessy was in top form today."

Myoga selected a judge. He chose Miroku.

"As an expert in romance, I must say... Musicookie, you didn't depict love very well. You showed Kagome have an obsession, an infatuation. But your writing was very humorous, and you did a wonderful job with the heavy tone and environments. Environments are often overlooked by authors, but they can add so much to a work. And though the tone was heavy, you balanced it with funny comments and similes. Usually it's Sesshomaru who's very detailed and descriptive, but today, it was you. Although the story was a bit dependent on dialogue, you did well. you could have done a bit more to reach the romance/horror quota, but all in all you tried your best and your writing was greatly entertaining."

"Sesshomaru, where to begin? Your vocabulary was great as usual, and you had a recognizable style to your writing; something only refined authors have. Even though it was more literal hunger than romance, you wrote love a little more believable than Musicookie did. The chemistry you developed between the characters was priceless. The end scene was hilarious in a gory way. You did well in fulfilling both the romance and the horror categories. It would have been perfect if you didn't insult Inuyasha the first chance you got."

"I decide to award Musicookie with 3 points, and 4 points for Sesshomaru."

Musicookie smiled at Sesshomaru. "The gap is widening. I have 64 points now, and you have 59. You know, maybe you'd catch up if you treated your characters a little better. Respect them, you know?"

She punched his shoulder. He responded with a sullen glare.

Musicookie sighed and turned to leave. "Well, then. I guess I'll see you--"

"Wait."

Musicookie looked at Sesshomaru. "What?"

"You need to explain something to This Sesshomaru. Your desktop background?"

"Oh, yeah. Well, I like the guy! He's a good singer!"

"So you plaster his face on your computer? He wears makeup."

"Eyeshadow and eyeliner look good on him! He's hot! All the rock stars accentuate their looks with makeup, anyway. Actors do too. Hey, so do you! What's your excuse, huh?"

"Do not turn this around on me. What is his name?"

"Until you tell me why _you_ wear makeup, I will not disclose his name. I don't want to hear you abuse him, and tease me about it."

"..."

"That's what I thought. And by the way, pink really is your shade, Sesshomaru." She chuckled and left, saving and closing the document.

"It's magenta," Sesshomaru stated.

---------------------

A/N: AH! Done, and it only took one evening. The emoticon part at the beginning was hard to write, but once I got past that, this chapter flowed from my fingertips with great ease. Romance/horror just might be my favorite category! Love it! And if anyone guesses who I have as my background, I'll give you a cupcake. Imaginary, of course, but it's the thought that counts. While I wrote this, I listened to "Eat you up" by BoA. Great song, as weird as the lyrics are. "So yum yum." Whoo-hoo. Oh, and I parodied a famous book/movie in this chapter. Is it obvious? Don't hate me if you're a fan...

Randomness warning! I am so sick of seeing ads on the internet that say I need to beat a celebrity at an IQ test. Apparently, (get ready) Dylan and Cole Sprouse, Rihanna, Vannessa Anne Hudgens, Paris Hilton, Brenda Song, Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, John Mayer, Lindsey Lohan, Lil Wayne, Beyonce, Barack Obama, and George W. Bush all have IQs of 125. And to be "smart" I have to beat them by clicking on the ad. I don't believe all these people have IQs of 125. Also, IQ is not the same as being smart or intelligent. There are many parts of intelligence that can't be measured with a paper and pencil test, like common sense, for one. You can have an average IQ and be really smart, or have a high IQ and be really dumb. Or what if you're really smart, but have test-taking anxiety and fail the IQ test? Grr. Stupid ads.

------------------------

Review responses! Love you guys!

hitntr - Your snake is big enough to wrap itself around the screen? o.O I remember the ball pythons that were at the pet store I used to work at were all small, maybe 6 inches long. One day, we got a 3 or 4 foot python in. It was an angry snake. I've never been hissed at before. This sounds gory, but I was fascinated watching them catch and eat mice. The strength and speed make for a deadly combination. Oh, and you were right about my appearance.

Flames Chaos and Wolf - So are you two or three people? Split personality disorder? I have that too, in a sense. The Musicookie in the story is part of me, the real Musicookie. Yet part of her is not me. She's a little more witty and outspoken than the real me.

Sassybratt - Thanks, I should have put something like that in. Sesshomaru usually ends things with death. I didn't know I rhymed. It was completely unintentional. Maybe there's a rapper Musicookie floating around in my subconscious. What would be funny is if a rapping Musicookie made an appearance in the story. lol

Drama Kagome - Short, sweet, and to the point. Thanks, and I update weekly so you don't have to worry.

Liesie - I admit I picture characters in costumes much different than the ones we're used to seeing them in. Sesshomaru and Sephiroth from FF7 are my usual victims. They both have such recognizable, legendary images that messing with them mentally is amusing, like when I imagined Sessy as a geek in this chapter. And your idea was brilliant! I didn't even think of having wolf burgers at McMeaty's! lol lol lol lol I feel like going back and just adding that in. Can I use that? I will seriously go and edit that chapter if you say yes.


	13. Round 10: SpiritualHumor

Chapter 13

Normal font like this the 'reality' in the story.

_Musicookie's lines of the story are in italics._

_**Sesshomaru's lines of the story are in bold italics.**_

Score thus far: Musicookie 64 Sesshomaru 59

----------------------

Musicookie struggled into the document, carrying an armload of pizzas. The characters eagerly took the boxes from her, and stuffed their faces.

"I take it you guys wanted pizza?"

Naraku nodded, the cheese stretching from the pizza slice to his mouth. He tossed a slice to the demons who writhed behind him. A fight erupted as the smell of the pizza drove them mad with hunger and greed.

"Couldn't you have asked me if it was ok, first?"

Sesshomaru nibbled at a crust. "This Sesshomaru asks for nothing from a pitiful human like you."

"How did you pay for the pizza? Use my credit card number?"

"No. I sold Tetsaiga on eBay."

Inuyasha exploded. "You did WHAT?!?"

Musicookie typed him another Tetsaiga in an attempt to calm him down. She didn't help by saying rather thoughtlessly, "Well, if you think about it, Tetsaiga doesn't really exist because it's a cartoon sword... so you shouldn't feel too bad."

Inuyasha ranted about how it was the idea that mattered. Musicookie typed him some ramen and he grudgingly muttered how the ramen "technically didn't exist," but took it and was quieted.

"How did you order the pizza, Sessy?"

"One is able to order pizza online these days."

"And how did you know to have it delivered to my address?"

"Google Earth."

"....Ok, that's just creepy. Do you watch anyone else?"

"This Sesshomaru managed to hack fanfiction . net. I came upon the personal contact information of all the readers of this story. I watch them as they go about their daily business."

Musicookie pointed accusingly at him. "That is a violation of privacy, and a blatant disregard for the rules of this site, and more frankly, the rules of common courtesy! How can you live with yourself?!"

Sesshomaru smirked. "This Sesshomaru can certainly manage. But you wouldn't believe what I've seen some of them doing."

Musicookie's pointed hand wavered. Sesshomaru was good at playing the role of devil's advocate.

"Surely you are curious. I have seen a few of them do most interesting things... Involving dead fish, a hairbrush, and expensive designer jeans. All at the same time. And another reader has the peculiar pastime of using tomatoes to..."

"Urgh...No, No! I won't stoop to your level! You sicko! You'd better stop spying on my innocent readers! Or I'll write a punishment fic for you!"

"What's the worst a powerless human authoress like you can do?"

Musicookie smiled evilly. "Oh, don't tempt me Fluffy. Don't tempt me." She looked around at the Inuyasha cast eating pizza."I'm kinda hungry."

Koga was chugging an entire liter of soda as onlookers cheered. Shippo was fake sword fighting with a breadstick. He stuck the breadstick in his armpit and moaned dramatically. "I've been defeated..." He smeared marinara sauce on his clothes to make it look like he was bleeding.

Rin wiped a dab of sauce from her cheek as she came towards Musicookie. "Want some?" She held a slice of pizza to her.

Musicookie eyed Rin suspiciously. Lately, the girl had been playing with Kanna and Hakudoshi. Those two weren't exactly good influences on an impressionable youth like Rin.

"...Did you poison it?"

Rin's cheerful eyes twinkled . "No!" she giggled. "Why would I do that?!" Anime sparkles filled the air around her cherubic face, and a pink mist settled around them.

Musicookie sneezed. She was allergic to pink mist. She swatted an annoying anime sparkle away from her face and said, "You're laying it on a little thick, Rin. You did poison it, didn't you?"

Rin cursed and slunk away. Kagome offered a piece to Musicookie, who took it gratefully.

Myoga shook his head. "I don't see the appeal of this stuff. It's so spicy."

"And cheesy," Musicookie supplied. "And saucy, and bready, and steamy, and gooey, and delicious. I'm so moving to Italy."

Kagome nodded. "Mmmm, and the spaghetti!"

"Lasagna!"

"Manicotti!"

Miroku scratched his head. "Musicookie, don't you like sushi too?"

She nodded. "I do love sushi. Hmm. Pizza and sushi should get married. Sushi pizza! Kagome, would you eat it?"

"Totally!"

"I saw ramen pizza online. Yech, I wouldn't eat that."

"Me neither."

Kagome and Musicookie continued to discuss foods they would try or not. Myoga, as the responsible boss-monkey of the little challenge between Musicookie and Sesshomaru, decided to get the events on track. He always said something stupid, or something in hip-hop gangsta lingo to signal the beginning of the rounds.

Myoga was perplexed. He wanted to say "Yo fo shizzle," but he remembered saying that already. He racked his brains to think of something new to say and came upon it in a moment of brilliance.

"I'ma pop da collar and roll with the big dawgs, yo."

Instantly, Big Daddy, Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, and all other self-respecting dog demons surrounded the little flea, looking menacing.

"What's that supposed to mean!?" growled Inuyasha.

Big Daddy crossed his arms. "Is that an insult, Myoga?"

Myoga trembled. "No, no, Master. Saying the "big dogs" means like, the cool people, and "rolling with them" means like spending time with them and "hanging out." You know, "rollin with the big dawgs?"

"We noble dog demons are not to be rolled with, nor to be collared," boomed Big Daddy in his huge voice. "We would never bear such indignity."

"No, no! That's not what "pop da collar" means! It means...ummm." Myoga searched frantically--he had no idea what it meant, so he made something up. "It means walking in a fashionable manner, like strutting the streets. Walking 'cool.' "

Big Daddy grabbed Myoga between his fingers, squeezing mercilessly. "Walk!? We are not little dogs to be walked, led on leashes."

"This Sesshomaru does not approve of such usage of his honored clan's name in such frivolous slang."

Myoga muttered, "Just kill me now, I'm sorry!"Myoga was having trouble breathing and he wished he could have just kept his mouth shut.

Sesshomaru looked perhaps a little thoughtful, but it was hard to tell as he always wore that expressionless mask. "No. For the moment you are to be spared to serve the purpose of judging the match.

Big Daddy loosened his grip on Myoga--now it was like a friendly squeeze and not a bonecrushing anaconda's embrace. "We really should get the match started. Myoga, why are you wasting so much time? Go."

Myoga mumbled and fixed his rumpled clothing. He called Musicookie, who was still chatting with Kagome.

"Alright, we rollin' on with another round. Announcement! This is the last match! Next time we meet together like this, it will be for the finals! But we'll get to that later. For this match, the genre is spiritual/humor. Begin!"

_Kikyo sighed and adjusted her turban. The gaudy feather that adorned its front was falling in her face again and tickling her nose. This life was really becoming tiresome. Kikyo looked at the clock, seeing that she only had five minutes before her shift was over._

_Someone hurriedly dabbed yet another layer of makeup on her face, and the lights technician made sure the lights illuminated Kikyo's face well. _

_"Alright," barked the director. "We're on in 5...4...3..." He gestured silently with his fingers for 2 and 1. _

_Kikyo plastered on a smile and looked at the camera lens. "Call me now, at 1-777-7777. I'm Kikyo the Psychic Shrine Priestess, and my proselytes and I can tell you all..."_

_The director make the sign that there was a call on the line._

_"Hello?"_

_"Yes, hello Kikyo." It was a woman with a soft voice. "My name is--"_

_"Your name rhymes with Schmee-Schmai-Schmoi, doesn't it?"_

_Kikyo only heard a gasp on the line. Kikyo was used to this. She was a real, bona-fide psychic, and people never believed it until they saw her at work._

_"What is your problem, child?"_

_"I'm four months pregnant, having my first child with my beloved, and I want to be married to him. But the thing is, he's rich and famous, and I'm just a normal woman. I want to know, will he come for me? Or will he just abandon me with our baby?"_

_Kikyo already knew, discerning from the first moment the fates that swirled around this unfortunate caller. As tragic as Kikyo knew the story would play out, Kikyo had a job to do. She stalled, muttering showy mumbo-jumbo and wiggling her fingers theatrically over her crystal ball. Every minute the caller was on the line, the more money the tv studio made. _

_"Mmm, I see the strings of fate, and I am trying to make out the tapestry they've woven...But the threads are so tangled.... It's a bad connection. Quick! I need a medium with which to converse with the spirits! Schmee-Schmai-Schmoi, send me your will, I need your strength!"_

_"Erm, how?"_

_"Think! Concentrate with all your mind! Help me keep the connection open!"_

_"...Ok..." said the caller._

_**In a rehearsed action, the stage lights were turned off and a cage was brought to Kikyo. Inside the cage was a hamster, snoozing in a pile of wood shavings. **_

_**Dim green light lit Kikyo from the sides as she pulled the hamster from his cage. "This is Gregory. It is not a well-known fact, but hamsters are the animals most attuned to the movements of the spirit world. Magic runs through their little veins, and sorcery sparks from their fur!"**_

_**She held Gregory in front of her, letting him sit on the crystal ball. Gregory liked sitting on it. The lightbulb housed inside warmed his little hamster belly and made him sleepy. **_

_**Kikyo placed a finger on Gregory, chanting a fake spell. The tv audiences were entranced. **_

_**"Gregory's spirit tells me, screams to me that indeed, your boyfriend greatly loves the child who develops in your womb."**_

_**"Good, but I also want to know; will he come for me in the end? When it really matters? He won't forget about a normal girl like me?"**_

_**Kikyo winced, foreseeing the tragic future that awaited this woman, her boyfriend, and her son. Injuries, a fire, and death... Her dear boyfriend wouldn't live to see their child even an hour old. **_

_**"Yes, caller, he will come for you in the end, when it matters most."**_

_**"Oh, thank you!" Kikyo heard the joy and relief in the woman's voice. "Thank you so much!"**_

_**Kikyo nodded. As she placed Gregory back in his cage, she said, "I only use my powers to serve, Schmee-Schmai-Schmoi." The studio lights came back on, and Kikyo blinked tears from her eyes at the brightness. Or the tragedy. It could have been one or the other. **_

_**"What name should I chose for my son?"**_

_**Kikyo said, "Immediately following the birth, your boyfriend will choose the name."**_

_**"What name is it?"**_

_**Kikyo shook her head, smiling. "You want to ruin the surprise?"**_

_**The caller giggled. "No. But tell me, is it a nice name at least?"**_

_**Inuyasha. That was a very nice name. **_

_**"Yes, dear. The name he'll choose is lovely."**_

_**"Will we have more children together?"**_

_**Kikyo almost said "no," but held her tongue in time. "Oh, the connection is closed! Fickle window of fate! I can't see the future anymore, but listen to me, Schmee-Schmai-Schmoi. You can do whatever you set your heart to."**_

_**The caller said her thanks and hung up. Kikyo said her scripted farewell lines, and ended the program. **_

___Kikyo wiped a tear from her eye and walked off the set to change. Along the way, people congratulated her for such a great, riveting show. The calls were coming in so heavily that the customers were waiting on the line for five minutes or more. And at a dollar a minute, the tv station was getting quite rich._

_Kikyo changed from her shiny, sequined robes, and pulled off her turban. Inside was a cupcake, which she found to her great dismay. Why there was a chocolate cupcake in her turban, she didn't know. But now, frosting was in her hair. _

_She wanted to quit. She was tired of her powers being exploited, and this was the third time this week she found cupcakes in odd places. Last time, a vanilla cupcake had sat waiting for her in her chair, and another -- strawberry -- on the floor near the costume rack. Was she being stalked by the muffin man?_

_She needed some rest. Her spiritual powers were running low. After going through the drive-through at McMeaty's to get a wolf burger, she decided to hit the 24-hour spa/salon/grocery store. She did had some groceries to buy, but she went more for the relaxation than the fresh produce. _

_After a masseuse used a cucumber to ease away the knots in her neck, Kikyo sat in the sauna. The steam in the sauna was supplied by an array of rice cookers. There must have been at least a dozen of them lined up on a bench by the wall._

_**Kikyo sighed and thought about the caller eariler. Izaioi. Kikyo was already grieving. This was Kikyo's biggest problem, said her sister Kaede. "Kikyo, you care too much. You can't stop fate; only report it. Life is a great comedic tragedy. So don't weary your heart with it."**_

_** Kaede was also in the psychic business, and people said she was better at it than Kikyo. She had a large purple tent somewhere in a city alleyway, and she used all the bells and whistles; bones, dice, cards, palm reading, crystal balls, and stargazing. **_

_**Kaede even had a fleet of psychics scattered around the city, each specially trained in spiritual powers. If they didn't have any, they were trained in the art of acting, deception, and making waffles. Kaede also had carts roaming the streets and selling waffles.**_

_**And Kaede was the puppetmaster of these very profitable businesses. She could easily tell people they were going to die, or lose everything, or get a hangnail next Tuesday because Kaede had no desire to fight fate. Fate was fate, there was nothing that could be done. So she simply felt nothing about it. It was as easy as making waffles.**_

_**How different Kikyo was. Already, as she sat in the steam, plans were formulating in her head. She could find the man, warn him to stay away from that fight with his college dorm mate Ryukotsei, to immediately go to Izaioi's side. She could detain Izaioi's jealous ex, Takemaru. It would all be fine, Izaioi's family could be the family it deserved to be, and--**_

_**A rice cooker dinged loudly, proclaiming to the world that its contents were fully cooked and ready for consumption. Kikyo turned it off and forlornly picked out a kernel of rice. It was perfect. Perfect in every way, in every way Kikyo could not be. Round, white, steamy and fluffy... No wait, wrong comparison. Kaede was perfect at being a psychic in every way Kikyo could not be. Kaede was never plagued with nightmares and worry about a nameless person's future. Another day, another Izaioi--Kaede didn't care. **_

___The door to the sauna opened. An employee set a bowl of broccoli inside, on the bench next to Kikyo. He explained, "These need to be steamed. Oh! The rice is done!" _

_The employee took the rice cooker and left. Kikyo also decided to leave. Her toes were sadly neglected and she went to get a pedicure._

_She sat in the massage seat and placed her feet in what appeared to be chicken broth. The pedicurist proceeded to rub her feet with a carrot. Kikyo didn't really care. Her thoughts were not on vegetables._

_It really left a bad taste in her mouth, using her gods-granted powers to make a couple yen. To inform people within the context of a sale that they will be fired from their job, or that their child is failing algebra. _

_Kikyo grimaced. The pedicurist had just crammed a stick of celery between two of her toes, then slapped Kikyo's sole with a potato._

_Kikyo's real soul was the one needing some TLC. She tipped the pedicurist with croutons and left to do what she always did when she needed spiritual uplifting: _

_**Pet hamsters at the pet store. Gregory really did give her divining strength, but it was because he was cute, sleepy, and fuzzy--not that he was a medium to the spirit world. **_

_**Kikyo arrived at the pet store, and pulled from her sleeve a carrot she had snatched. It was the one that the pedicurist had rubbed on her feet, but Kikyo was sure the hamsters wouldn't mind. She stole to the hamster cage, receiving a nod from an employee that it was ok to open their cage and play with them. **_

_**She dropped the carrot inside. Four hamsters lined up along the sides of the carrot and began to munch. Kikyo let the sounds of their little crunchings fill her ears. With each nibble and crunch, Kikyo smiled and felt a little lighter. One hamster even began to store carrot in his cheeks, and Kikyo giggled. Seeing their adorable fuzzyness always made her feel cheerful again. **_

_**She supposed it was her parents who made her feel this way about hamsters. They had been psychologists, and they experimented freely with their daughters. They had made Kikyo go through great trials, like running on a treadmill, or reading Don Quixote. When the trials were over, they would allow Kikyo rest, simultaneously showing her a picture of a hamster. They proved that with repeated exposure to hamsters while resting, Kikyo learned to associate pictures of hamsters with contented feelings of relief. **_

_**With Kaede, they showed her pictures of waffles when she was becoming depressed and needed some self-esteem, but that's another story for another time. **_

___Kikyo lay her hands inside the cage, letting the hamsters explore her hands and forearms. The hamster's wittle feetsies scampered on her hands, and their tiny claws tickled her skin. Kikyo heaved a great sigh, expelling the bad juju from her system. _

_There was nothing she could do about Izaioi and her boyfriend. Kaede was right, that fate was unchangeable. She saw the future of the orange and white hamster what gnawed at her thumbnail. It would be bought by a little boy who wanted a friend, like the girls and their hamsters in that one anime. This hamster would have a good life. _

_She looked sadly at a pure white hamster that was trying to climb her arm. It would be bought by a mother who spoiled her bratty children. The hamster would eventually die of starvation. _

_**An idea came to her. She felt her pockets for her wallet. Finding it, she flipped it open and counted the yen. Yes. Thankfully, there was enough. **_

_**She withdrew her hands from the cage and smiled at the white hamster. She called an employee over, and said, "I want to buy that hamster. The white one."**_

_**Kikyo couldn't fight fate, but she could do what she could to alter its course. After all, the decisions of today wrote the history books of tomorrow.**_

_**She gathered her bags. A brand-new hamster cage peeked over the top of one, and another bag was filled with hamster food and other accessories. **_

_**She looked at the white hamster, who sat on her shoulder and was chewing off strands of her hair. "What should we name you, hm? How about Inuyasha? That's a nice name. You're going to like your new home, Inuyasha."**_

__Sesshomaru's face showed outright disgust, but he dutifully typed the ending to the story. Everyone looked in shock at the kindness of Sesshomaru's words.

"Wow," said Musicookie. "When I told you to treat your characters better, you really took it to heart, didn't you?"

Sesshomaru grimaced. He felt like killing something. He typed up another Naraku and promptly used his poison whip to cut its head off. He typed another, and repeated the action.

"Dude! Stop that!" Naraku was rubbing his neck as he watched Sesshomaru behead his likenesses.

Musicookie took the laptop from Sesshomaru. "Shh, it's ok. Everything's gonna be ok. You can be evil and unfeeling later."

Sesshomaru snatched his laptop back, immediately typing up a dartboard with a picture of a kitty in its center. He threw darts at the kitty with deadly accuracy.

"Reaow!" squealed Kirara.

Sesshomaru replaced the picture of the kitty with a picture of Inuyasha.

"Hey! You jerk!"

_Sesshomaru's laptop suddenly disappeared,_ typed Musicookie.

Sesshomaru was breathing heavily, and his eyes were rimmed with swirling red coils. He looked insane.

"...Being nice really takes a lot out of you, doesn't it Fluffy?"

Sesshomaru ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "This Sesshomaru needs a double-shot expresso."

"How would that help? Wouldn't that make you worse? Whatever. Let's judge this thang!"

Kikyo strode forward. "Musicookie, you first. I liked all of the humor you had in the story. I thought Musicookie wrote it funnier than Sesshomaru, though he had his moments. Musicookie wrote me in character quite well, and I like that she pampered me with the spa treatments."

"Sesshomaru, you did a very good job depicting the spiritual turmoil I experienced. You developed me and my sister as characters, and you even gave a little tribute to Inuyasha. You were so nice to him in this story, I am impressed. I award Musicookie 1 point and 3 to Sesshomaru."

No one cheered for Sesshomaru except Jaken and Rin. Rin cut a rug and did the twist. After she was done, she put the scissors away and made more twist ice cream cones as she surveyed the damage she did to the rug.

In response, Musicookie tossed her cookies. She just threw an armload into the air, and they shattered into crumbs as they hit the floor.

A few people scratched their heads at their strange behavior. Their heads sure were itchy. But really, the behavior puzzled them until they realized the authoress was making a joke of abstract language and sayings.

Myoga called forth the judge, thankfully getting the fanfiction back on track. "Tsubaki?"

Everyone groaned. "No, not her!"

Tsubaki walked up, her crazy expression making her look like a demented and moldy bat. "What do you mean, not me?! I am even more offended that I haven't been allowed any appearances before now! This is an outrage that you would even have a story star Kikyo instead of me! Clearly, I would have done so much better than that half-witted twit! I--"

_**Tsubaki exploded.**_

Boom. She was gone. People cheered, and Musicookie didn't even question how Sesshomaru had gotten his laptop back. The horrible noise had ceased, so all was well.

Myoga hopped from shoulder to shoulder, selecting the judge for the round. He stopped on Koga's shoulder.

"Koga, you've been through great spiritual tribulation, haven't you?"

"Erm, a boar gored my butt once."

"Good enough. Go ahead."

"Ok. I liked this one. Musicookie, as Kikyo said, you really tried to make the story funny and engaging. You introduced Izaioi as a character that led to Kikyo's character development by Sesshomaru. You also had Kikyo go to the spa, which wasn't vital to the plot but made things interesting. You really did well with the humor and the scene changes."

"Sesshomaru, you did a good job with the spiritual part of the genre. You showed Kikyo struggle with her morals and with making money, and with being compared to her sister. Dude, this sounds weird to say, but you gave heart to the story. You gave it life. And you were even nice to your brother. you even named a hamster after him."

"In all honesty, Musicookie... Sesshomaru made this story a story, and he gave it a skeleton. Musicookie added the muscles and skin and stuff... what I mean to say is that Sesshomaru was the left crutch and Musicookie was the right crutch, and together, you propped up the guy hobbling around on a broken ankle. And Naraku was the pothole the guy tripped over, and Kagome was the bandaid that the paramedic put on his knee..."

"What?"

"Sesshomaru gets 5 points, and Musicookie gets 3. Get it? Got it? Gone." Koga strolled away, humming the song "Hungry like a Wolf."

Musicookie sighed, but turned to the readers. "I have 68 points, and Sesshomaru now has 67. I can still win this, but I'm gonna need your help. Next will come the finals. You are going to judge! More details coming soon!"

Sesshomaru looked the readers straight in the eyes, sending chills through their spines and making the weaker ones faint. "You will do wisely to support This Sesshomaru."

"Yeah, but I'm human. They can relate to me better than they can to you."

"My hair is better than yours. They would agree."

"Hey!"

Kagome sensed the explosion nearing, and steered Musicookie away from Sesshomaru, placating her with promises of victory and a bag of Skittles.

Musicookie left the document, winking at the readers and trying to kiss up. Sesshomaru did a quick hair toss, following up with a penetrating gaze that caused a few readers to catch their breath.

The readers knew this was going to be tough. This was going to be very tough indeed.

------------------------

A/N: Ugh, it's been a while, huh? No drive to write anymore. I'm drained of energy cuz of other stuff. But yeah! For the final round (or rounds, I haven't decided yet), you will judge. Whee for you. I really don't have any idea of how to do the finals, so any ideas will be appreciated. Should there be a genre mashup? I dunno. Planning that far ahead hurts my already tired brain. The way I see it, my mental capacities and attention are limited. School and work are taking up most of my mental space right now. The rest goes to Youtube, I'm ashamed to admit. For class I had to read Beloved by Toni Morrison. Anyone read it? It's confusing until maybe 3/4 of the way through, but it's a good book. And powerful--very powerful.

----------------------

Review responses! Thanks, guys!

Drama Kagome - Oh, I dare, all right. I dare. Mwa ha ha ha *cough cough*

Sassybratt - Yeah, this chapter probably seemed rushed at the end too. I hope not, though. I'm glad to make you laugh. Yes, the smilie part was very hard to write I looked up all the smilies I could and tried to select good ones. My favorite is (9 '-')-o which is a little guy punching. Thanks for your compliments.

Liesie - I'll put the wolf burgers in. Eventually. I really liked the part where I had Sesshy kill all the viruses. Get some sleep, girl! Although it's been over 2 weeks since you wrote that review, so you probably have gotten some sleep. Oh, it hurts my eyes when I'm tired and looking at a computer screen.

sangoworshiper - Yeah, I only saw parts of the movie and have never read the book. It is everywhere, and it's annoying. And you asked how many rounds are left till I (or Sessy) win? I hope the end of this chappie answered your question. And you're not bothering me at all, I appreciate your questions. And you don't have to apologize, and thanks! That was a really nice thing to say!

Flames Chaos and Wolf - I have to wonder if I should respond to all three of you separately... Um, Flame? Keep being...hot, I dunno. Chaos? I like your shoes. And Wolf.... the wolf burgers, you should just ignore that or something. Imagine that they're tofu burgers instead.

hitntr - More ads I tire of are the "75% of people have failed the dumb test" ads. Bleh. I love how snakes have that sensory organ in their jaw that feels the tiniest vibrations in the ground. They're hunting machines with their senses of touch and smell, and with their speed, strength, and (in some snakes) poison. I'm the only person in my family who thinks snakes are cool. I saw a rattlesnake once. It was cold though, so thankfully it was sluggish. It was sleeping in a coil. It was hard to see because it blended into the sand and bush so well.


	14. FINALS! songfic: Yesterday

---------------------------

Chapter 14

Normal font like this the 'reality' in the story.

_Musicookie's lines of the story are in italics._

_**Sesshomaru's lines of the story are in bold italics.**_

Score thus far: Musicookie 68, Sesshomaru 67

FINAL ROUNDS HAVE BEGUN! WHOO!

----------------------------

Musicookie was holding something in a bag as she entered the document.

"Lookee, guys! Look what I have!"

She opened the bag to reveal a PS2 game. "Inuyasha! Feudal Combat!"

Inuyasha looked confused. "Doodle wombat?"

"Feudal combat!"

"Few dull combacks?"

"Inuyasha, shut up. It's the video game, Inuyasha: Feudal Combat. I decided to bring it today, to show you guys. Do you remember making this?"

Kagome shook her head. "We Inuyasha cast members only make appearances in anime--you know, animated cartoon style in 2-D. We did all the roles in the anime and movies, but these computer animated 3-D figures aren't us."

"Whoa, so you have doubles out there? Isn't that weird?"

Miroku shrugged. "It's not something we think about. Well, one time I ran into 3-D Miroku at a bar, and we chatted a bit. I thought he was a bit full of himself..."

Musicookie raised an eyebrow. "He's 3-D -- do you mean that literally?"

Miroku nodded. "But I wouldn't mind meeting a 3-D Sango. Boy!"

Sango's Hiraikotsu met with Miroku's head; they said hello, greetings, and shook hands rather roughly. Miroku's head was left with a large lump.

Musicookie wondered for a moment about the adverse effects of head injuries, but pushed that thought aside as she typed up a TV and a PS2.

"See? Lookee!"

The title sequence began to play. Everyone went, "Ooooh..." as they watched their 3-D, cel-shaded dopplegangers.

Naraku whistled when his character appeared on the screen. "Who's that looker?"

Inuyasha started laughing as it showed a sequence of his character attacking Sesshomaru. "Lolz! I hit you so hard, you're flipping over upside down!"

Sesshomaru growled.

Kagome sighed. "Look at that girl," she said disapprovingly, gesturing to her character. "The first scene I'm in and they do a low camera vantage point. And she's wearing such a short skirt!"

Musicookie tapped her temple with her finger. "Earth to Kagome! Your skirt is the same as hers. And you couldn't see anything anyway. Well, let's go."

She started playing as Sesshomaru, fighting against Koga. She played very badly. "Man, it's been a since I played this game. What buttons do I press again?"

Sesshomaru might have winced slightly as he saw his likeness get his butt kicked; but then again, maybe it was a trick of the light. But no one could deny the strain in his voice as he queried, "What is this nonsense?"

The 3-D Sessy was being brutally beaten by Koga. At one point, Sesshomaru was even lying on his back, utterly helpless and prostrate. His health point bar drained like lemonade down the throats of thirsty masses on a hot summer day. Seeing his likeness suffer such indignities was just as tolling on Sesshomaru's ego like the electricity bill is when you run the AC all day long.

Koga and Inuyasha were hooting with laughter. They even leaned on each other for support as they clutched their stomachs and struggled to breathe.

"Cease this at once. This Sesshomaru knows your ignorance is simply a facade. Play with the skill you normally have."

Musicookie shook her head. "No, seriously; I forgot how to play this."

"Poison claw!" screamed the TV Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru looked offended. "I don't shout out the names of my attacks."

Several people who were past opponents of Sesshomaru, said, "Yes, you do."

Sango nodded. "We all do. That's how action animes work."

Kohaku looked confused. "Why do we do that, anyway? It serves no purpose."

"It's even a bad thing, because it lets out enemies know beforehand what attack we're about to do," said Inuyasha. He received a pat on the head by Kagome for being astute enough to figure that out.

Musicookie somehow won. A cut scene began and the 3-D Sesshomaru started complaining about how Big Daddy gave Tetsaiga to Inuyasha.

Musicookie chuckled. "OCD, much? All you did for seasons upon seasons of the anime was whine about Tetsaiga. Even here in a videogame, where it's not you but that 3-D Sess -- you just can't let it go."

In retaliation, Sesshomaru severed the controller wire, and Musicookie looked at it amusedly. She typed up another one and restarted the game, this time as Shippo.

Shippo was ecstatic that his character was effectively kicking butt. Musicookie was playing considerably better this time. Shippo was beating his opponent, Inuyasha. The latter's face was becoming increasingly redder with anger.

Musicookie had somehow gotten Shippo to place a mushroom on Inuyasha's head. Inuyasha swaggered, paralyzed by the spores. Musicookie pummeled Inuyasha's dignity by smashing him with Shippo's giant pink bubblegum bubble form.

Shippo cheered and Sesshomaru smirked. "Not so funny now, is it, Inuyasha?"

"That's not the real Shippo, and that's not the real me! They must have made him stronger, and made me weak! I would never lose to Shippo!"

Inuyasha unsheathed Tetsaiga and pointed it at Shippo. It was quite a comical scene, seeing as Tetsaiga is maybe 6 times as long as Shippo.

Musicookie worked her typing magic, and the sword in Inuyasha's hands was replaced by a bottle of shampoo.

Inuyasha cursed and started flinging Lavender Mountain Breeze on Shippo, who began to cry. He ran to Kagome's open arms. Like an idiot, Inuyasha kept shooting shampoo at Shippo, even when he was in Kagome's arms. Shampoo hit Kagome too. Very unwise.

"Inuyasha!"

"Geh!" Terror flickered across Inuyasha's face.

"SIT!"

When he hit the floor with his face, Inuyasha made the grunt/scream like he usually does. Adding to his agony, he heard his 3-D self also grunting in pain. Naraku was playing the videogame as Inuyasha, and watching as the computer controlled character mercilessly attacked Inuyasha. Naraku grinned an evil grin as the screen flashed "Lose."

Inuyasha regained his balance, but was unable to regain his dignity, which had shattered the moment his face hit the floor. "This game sucks!"

Musicookie said, "You ain't seen nothing yet. Any of you heard of the PS2 game, 'Inuyasha: Secret of the Cursed Mask?' "

No one seemed to know what she was talking about.

"Good for you guys. That was one of the saddest games I've ever played."

Kagome was intrigued. "We've never heard a word about this."

"The people at ViZ entertainment have probably made sure of that. It's such an embarrassment, they probably hushed it up."

"What was it like?'

"The story line was OK. Battle system was crap. The pacing of the plot was a joke. When I beat the game, I was in shock as I watched the credits roll. I had no idea I was fighting the final boss. It was so easy and there was no hype, so I thought it was just another battle. Nope! Anyway, you played as a school boy named Michiru or a school girl named..."

Musicookie suddenly fell silent, eyes intense. She typed up a character. It was a school girl. Her school uniform had a yellow blazer and her skirt was navy plaid.

Musicookie typed herself up a cannon and a crate of durians, which are agreed to be the smelliest and most disgusting fruit that exists. Something in Musicookie had snapped, and she began to holler at the schoolgirl.

"You! Kaname!"

The school girl looked afraid. "What?!"

Musicookie flinched, but regained her composure.

"Never speak again! Your vocal cords must be cursed by the internet leprechans! You have the most annoying voice in the history of the universe! Within minutes of playing as you, I wanted to bash my head through the television and rip out my cochleae!"

The banshee with the horrible, grating voice that was the epitome of bad acting and unnatural intonational patterns dared to open her cursed mouth again. "What's cochlae?"

"Plural for cochlea. Now, DIE!"

Musicookie began loading the cannon with durians, shooting them at Kaname. The strange fruits with bumpy, horned skin flew through the air a high speed, pummeling the defenseless schoolgirl and exploding on impact.

The durians released their revolting smell and demons with sensitive noses ran for their lives. Composure was forgotten even for Sesshomaru, who was sprinting as fast as he could to leave the document. They were tripping over each other in their rush to leave. It was just like Jonas Brother fans swarming at a concert, begging to be sweated on or smiled at, bless their little hearts.

Kaname was buried, but Musicookie didn't stop there. She continued shooting durians at Kaname, laughing maniacally. The smell didn't even seem to reach her because a fiery aura surrounded her, whirling and fizzling. The smell evaporated before it got too close.

Kaname was long unconscious by now. The smell overwhelmed the poor, twitching synapses of her olfactory nerve. But you should be happy for her, because unconsciousness means relief; you can't smell a thing if you're not awake!

The Inuyasha cast had returned. They were all wearing gas masks. They mobbed Musicookie and literally tore her away, screaming, from the cannon and the crate of durians.

Kagome, always the kind one, went to check on Kaname. Kaname was bruised and unconscious, but she would be fine with some long-term therapy, icepacks, and a lollipop. The others threw the durians and the cannon into the recycle bin and made Musicookie take a time out.

After nearly an hour (Musicookie was indeed very angry that ViZ ever thought it was OK to cast such a deplorable voice), Musicookie seemed calmer. Freakishly calm. She asked where Kaname was; they informed her that Kaname had emailed herself to the Majorca to rest and recover. Oddly, Musicookie said nothing more, and never mentioned Kaname, cannons, or durian fruits again.

Myoga broke the awkward silence with the pluckings of a tiny guitar. He strummed the strings and sang tunelessly.

Kagome, prodded by the plot, was forced to ask, "Myoga, why do you have a guitar?"

"Why, Kagome, I'm so glad you asked. To begin, there will be a few parts to the finals. A few final rounds, if you will. We will tally the scores that the readers give--"

"Gasp!"

"The readers?!"

Myoga nodded solemnly. "Yes, you readers will all get the chance to destroy either Musicookie or Sesshomaru's dreams, incurring the wrath of one upon the other and possibly causing the Apolcalypse by the time the storm has cleared. But no pressure. You will all receive imaginary internet cookies or cupcakes for your participation, so think carefully, readers."

"For today's round, we have decided to do a songfic. We will use a good song today. Next time we will use a not so good one, but that's another matter altogether. Musicookie and Sesshomaru will do their best with each one. Here is the first song."

Myoga handed papers to Musicookie and Sesshomaru.

"Good luck, and begin!"

_Inuyasha sighed, glancing at the arrow that made itself at home in his shoulder. _

_"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."_

_Kikyo's smiling face greeted him as he arrived at the river. She wordlessly handed him a long wooden pole, and they boarded the boat. _

_The water was moving at a lazy pace, and that combined with the warm light of the afternoon sun made Kikyo and Inuyasha feel content and relaxed. They were quiet, enjoying the comfortable and trusting silence they shared._

_"Now it looks as though they're here to stay..."_

_Kikyo's worried face greeted him. They were standing outside the village, and the aftermath of a battle with many demons was splattered around them. He asked why they came, and what they were drawn to. She answered, not failing to spot the short-lived gleam of greed in his eyes. _

_"Oh I believe in yesterday..."_

_"Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be..."_

_There had been arguments. His goals clashed with hers. His blood even clashed with hers. The villagers whispered about how Kikyo, a holy child, a gift from the gods, was being brainwashed by filthy demon spawn. _

_"There's a shadow hanging over me..."_

_Every time he went near the village, he felt the tug of the jewel's power. It beckoned with promises of greatness. The scents of battlefields, blood, and power filled his imagination. But after he felt that, he'd feel the holy aura Kikyo emitted. He would catch her scent -- the scent of clean linen, flowers, and the slight presence of sharp, bitter herbs. Then he'd feel guilty. _

_"Oh, yesterday came suddenly."_

_"Inuyasha!"_

_The pain and hatred in her eyes pierced him again, only matched by the pain of the arrow tearing through his shoulder. The jewel slipped from his fingers, sparkling in the air as it fell from the ground. It only took one moment, one simple action, to shatter all they had worked so hard to build._

_**"Why she had to go, I don't know."**_

_**He watched her lower her bow and arrow with shaking hands. His vision blurred, there were two Kikyos dancing in his vision. Her name left his lips as a whisper. **_

_**"She wouldn't say..."**_

_**The hatred in Kikyo's eyes seemed multiplied a thousand times over. The look in her eyes was clear; they screamed at him of the pain of trust betrayed. It was the last thing he saw before losing consciousness. **_

_**"I said something wrong..."**_

_**"What's a priestess like you doing with a thing like that?"**_

_**She smirked and raised her bow. "Are you going to try and take it from me too?" **_

_**Her sandaled foot toed a demon corpse that lay near her feet. "You know, demon... I saw the greed in their eyes, too. And look what's become of them."**_

_**"I ain't scared of you. I don't want that jewel, anyway. Who needs that false power?"**_

_**She chuckled humorlessly, turning to walk away. **_

_**"Now I long for yesterday."**_

_**He sat in a tree. He caught her scent. Would she see him today? Probably not. Nevertheless, spying on her was ... what was the word? Enjoyable. **_

_**Kikyo passed beneath his tree. He might have been imagining it, but her aura seemed to become light and friendly. **_

_**"I know you're there. Come down, why don't we have lunch?"**_

_**Inuyasha gave a jump and nearly fell out of the tree. She knew he was there?**_

_**"Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play..."**_

_**Inuyasha handed her the shell that contained lip paint. Kikyo looked genuinely surprised, and tried to refuse. Inuyasha smiled. Only one person was deserving of something as treasured as his mother's past possessions, and the lip paint would look beautiful on her. **_

_**"Now I need a place to hide away..."**_

_**Inuyasha felt heavy, stabbed on this tree he now despised. He heard the whispers of the villagers as they passed by. He acted like he was sleeping. They said Kikyo should have never fallen in love with him. **_

_**"Oh, I believe in yesterday..."**_

_**Inuyasha's heartbeat seemed to grow slower and wearier, as if every beat was a great weight shouldered for too long. Inuyasha sighed once they passed They were right, damn them, they were right. **_

__People clapped politely. Musicookie bowed. She tried to get Sesshomaru to bow, but he didn't seem eager to bend at the waist.

"Man, just like your action figure..."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing. Let's judge this thing! I'll bet the readers are just dying to fail you, Sesshomaru."

Myoga cleared his miniscule throat. "Actually, I wanted to say something about that. Please, readers, judge honestly and fairly. Don't just pass Sesshomaru because you love/fear him, and don't just pass Musicookie because she's human and won't kill you if she loses."

Musicookie nodded. "Now, I've made this judging sheet--"

Sesshomaru scoffed. "That surely cannot be fair."

"It is. See? Here it is." She held a piece of paper to Sesshomaru's discerning glare.

+---------------------+

Songfic: Yesterday by the Beatles

Assign a 1, 2, or 3 to each one. 1 means low, 2 means average, and 3 means pretty darn good.

-

MUSICOOKIE

Artistic/poety-ness:

Faithfulness to the lyrics/song message:

Grammar:

Pacing:

Emotion:

Further comments:

-

SESSHOMARU

Artistic/poety-ness:

Faithfulness to the lyrics/song message:

Grammar:

Pacing:

Emotion:

Further comments:

+---------------------+

Sesshomaru still looked disbelieving. Musicookie sighed. "Here, let's do this. Inuyasha, come here."

"What?"

"You have an intuitive sense of justice. What do you think of this score sheet?"

Inuyasha sniffed it, then read it. He nodded. "My justice senses are tingling! Ok, my sense tells me this is one-hundred percent fair and reasonable."

Musicookie smiled. "Ok, readers. copy and paste the score sheet in a review and get to judging. For the readers who skim.... COPY AND PASTE THE SCORE SHEET IN A REVIEW AND GRADE THE SONGFIC!!!!"

Koga rubbed his ears. "Oww, much?"

Musicookie continued. "Please judge! The final outcome is riding on you!"

Kagome opened iTunes and played the Inuyasha theme song. Emotional strings and brass played the ever-recognizable theme song.

Musicookie raised her eyebrow at Kagome. Kagome smiled. "For spirit! Whoo! It's like a pep rally, only for the Inuyasha anime."

Musicookie smiled and typed Kagome up a coupon for a free mani-pedi. "Alright, I gotta go. I tivo'd Ninja Warrior and it's so cool! Squee! Bye guys!"

Kagome ran after her, waving the coupon in the air. "Wait! Where am I supposed to get my mani-pedi?! I'm in a computer!"

Musicookie was already gone, fully tempted by the promise of crazy japanese television shows recorded for her viewing pleasure.

---------------------

A/N: *gets on hands and knees* OMG, guys, I'm sorry this took so long. Like a month? I tried to make it extra good to make up for it. Doing a song fic was fun, even though Kikyo isn't my favorite character. You know, lots of people hate Kikyo, and I see why, but all the same I think we should respect her. After all, Inuyasha was in love with her once, and she was nice and ...alive... at one point. It was Naraku who ruined everything, yet he doesn't have near the amount of haters. I now see Kikyo in a tee-shirt that says "Haters make me famous." lol.

And yes, I do hate the voice actress of Kaname.

---------------------

Review responses! Love you guys!

Amurella - thank you!

Flames Chaos and Wolf - You three only get one score sheet. I know, I know (Please calm down, Wolf. No seriously, control yourself *throws a squeaky toy at Wolf*) but you three are under one profile, so... yeah. Happy judging!

hithtr - I really wish there were waffle street carts. Crepe carts, too. They have them in Belgium, I think. Here in America you can only go to a restaurant to get a waffle or a crepe. I hope these final rounds go well. I hope people actually take the time to judge and aren't lazy... *bites fingernails in anxiety*

Sassybratt - Thanks! I'm glad you liked that chappie! People have their favorites. Man, so many memorable moments. I must be insane to write this stuff. I loved the pothole thing Koga said. I laughed so hard writing that part. I used your songic idea. Thanks for the suggestions! I needed them...

Drama Kagome - Is "Kinky" a complement or an insult to Kikyo? I've heard her called Kinky-hoe before. People are creative with insults.

Liesie - Hamster in an easy-bake oven is my new favorite phrase, along with woot-eth. Why didn't I get that hot springs video!? Spring break rocked! I didn't go anywhere but it still felt good doing nothing for school. Thanks! That's 2 people whose favorite was chapter 13. Yeah, Sesshy didn't take that complement well. I had to practically muzzle the guy to stop him from emailing himself to you to behead you. I made him sit in the corner. Bad dog.

----------------------------


	15. FINALS! songfic: Not my name

----------------------------

Chapter 15

Normal font like this the 'reality' in the story.

_Musicookie's lines of the story are in italics._

_**Sesshomaru's lines of the story are in bold italics.**_

Anything underlined is song lyrics.

Final Scoring works differently, we'll add them all up in the end.

Score (from finals) thus far: Musicookie 56, Sesshomaru 57 (O.O I don't know how that worked out, a near tie!)

-----------------------------

Musicookie opened the document.

"Oh!" cried Inuyasha. What is that horrible noise?"

Musicookie hurriedly entered the world of her computer, shutting the door on the outside world, so so speak. The drone stopped. She sighed.

"That is my ridiculous joke of a class I'm supposed to be listening to."

"So...That was a teacher? A human? A human talks like that?"

Musicookie nodded solemnly. "Yes, I'm sad to say, that's how she talks."

Kagome patted Musicookie's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, how long does the class last?"

"Two miserable hours and forty-five detestable minutes."

"Shouldn't you be paying attention?"

"Shouldn't _you_ be paying attention? I already said the class is a joke. There's nothing really to pay attention to. I usually just put by brain on standby or power save mode. At any rate, I thought I'd visit you guys and continue the challenge."

Sesshomaru scoffed. "If you leave, even for one moment to take notes or answer a question, you are disqualified, and--"

"Pffbbt. Anyone who can't multitask is at a severe disadvantage in today's society. I can take notes on the side, see over there?"

She pointed outside the document to another document, eloquently titled "untitled."

"I'll just type in that one if the teacher says anything important, which likely won't happen."

"So long as you don't mess them up. Readers won't take kindly to chaotic history notes scattered in the story."

"Oh, no, no, no. I'd never torture my beloved readers with that drivel."

Myoga hopped up. "Today is part two of the songfic battle, which is a part of the finals. Part of a part. Fraction of a fraction. Bit of a bit, piece of a piece. How interesting language is, having so many ways to express one simple concept!"

Musicookie was delighted. "How astute, Myoga! I am of complete agreement. Anyway, songfic?"

"Yes. I had a great deal of trouble selecting a bad song, since there are a staggering amount of them out there. I considered an opera rap (no kidding) and another song (which barely, barely constitutes as a song). It was a hard choice, but I've chosen a horrible, nightmare inducing song that will take real talent to write a coherent and enjoyable story around."

Myoga gestured to some papers. Musicookie and Sesshomaru each took a leaf and studied it.

"Not this song! I hate this song!"

Sesshomaru looked victorious already. "How unlucky for you."

"You ever hear this song, Fluffy?"

"Hmph."

"No? Feast your ears."

She opened an internet browser window and went to youtube. She grimly handed a pair of earbuds to Sesshomaru. She found the song and played it at a quiet volume for him.

His face contorted into an unreadable expression as he watched a twitchy, spasming blonde girl practically eat the microphone. Flashing lights disoriented him as his ears were assaulted with a cacophony comparable to cats fighting in an alley accompanied by a drumbeat reminiscent of three tennis shoes in a dryer.

Within a minute, he dramatically tore the earbuds from his elegantly pointed ears.

Musicookie had made her point. "Yep. That's it. That's it, Fluffy."

Sesshomaru looked disinterestedly at his claws, inspecting them and their razor sharp edges. He wiggled his fingers and his claws clicked against each other. "I think I will pay this band a visit. Where do they live?"

"If I knew, I'd tell you," said Musicookie as they sat at their respective desks with their computers at the ready.

Myoga clapped his hands. "You guys know the rules. Good luck, and begin!"

_Kagome wanted to strangle him._

_Four letter word just to get me along._

_"Home. Home. Home. Soon I can return home. Somehow." she mumbled to herself as she glared at the infuriating young man before her._

_I__t's a difficulty and I'm biting on my tongue and I_

_"Listen here, wench, it slipped out. You think I don't know you're not her?! Of course you're not!"_

_I keep stalling, keeping me together_

_"Then get my name right! I told you, my other clothes are drying. I had to choice but to wear these!" Kagome gestured at the distinctive red and white robes of the Shinto Priestesses. Kagome had only seen these kinds of robes in museums or in books, and maybe once or twice at religious festivals. _

_People around me gotta find something to say now_

_Inuyasha scoffed. "Well, take them off."_

_"WHAT?!? You pig!"_

_Holding back, everyday the same_

_Inuyasha rubbed his cheek, massaging the throbbing red streak her palm left. "Ow! You crazy little... I didn't mean it like that!"_

_Don't wanna be a loner, listen to me, oh no_

_Kagome was insulted. This jerk kept seeing his former lover in her. _

_I never say anything at all_

_How dare he? Incarnation or not, she and that other one were different people. _

_But with nothing to consider they forget my name, ame, ame_

_"Look at me."_

_Inuyasha didn't meet her eyes. _

_"Look at me. I am not Kikyo. I am Kagome."_

_**They call me 'hell' **_

_**Inuyasha blushed as Kagome stuck her face in his, forcing their eyes to meet.**_

_**"What the hell!?"**_

_**He unceremoniously fell backwards on his rear, and scooted away from her like a crab running from a pot of boiling water.**_

___**They call me 'Stacey' **_

_**"Are you crazy??!! Kikyo would never act like this."**_

___**They call me 'her' **_

_**"...Plus Kikyo was way prettier than you."**_

___**They call me 'Jane' **_

_**Kagome couldn't believe him. How could he be so insensitive?**_

___**That's not my name**_

_**That's not my name**_

_**That's not my name**_

_**That's not my name**_

___**They call me quiet**_

_**Kagome began screaming at the top of her lungs and throwing every rock within her reach at Inuyasha.**_

___**But I'm a riot**_

_**Inuyasha tripped and stumbled as he tried to escape the girl's wrath. His hands flailed wildly, trying to shield his head from small boulders.**_

___**Mary-Jo-Lisa**_

_**Kagome spat a line of quick japanese at Inuyasha. "Marijorisa!"**_

_**"What the heck does that even mean?!"**_

___**Always the same**_

_**"You're too much of an idiot to know!"**_

___**That's not my name**_

_**That's not my name**_

_**That's not my name**_

_**That's not my name**_

_Kagome set down her rock, trying to calm herself. She couldn't let him get to her. Soon, she didn't know when, but soon, she could go home. Play some volleyball with her friends..._

_I__ miss the catch if they throw me the ball_

_Kagome winced at the memory of the last time they played volleyball. She'd been clumsy that day. At any rate, she could go to school again, and..._

_I'm the last kid standing up against the wall_

_Yeah, the hallways got really crowded between periods. Sometimes, she just stand by the walls and wait until the rush passed, and then hurry to class. Sometimes she was late. Yeah, school sucked. Maybe she'd return home and hit the nightclubs. That would be interesting._

_Keep up, falling, these heels they keep me boring_

_Would other men at the club find her interesting? Hopefully she wouldn't trip and fall on her high heels. No, wait. What was she thinking? She was only 15, way too young to go to a nightclub. The bouncer would turn her away._

_Getting glammed up and sitting on the fence now_

_So she'd sit there, all dressed up in heels and a fancy outfit, and have no place to go since the clubs were off limits. _

_**So alone all the time at night**_

_**Kagome sighed, sitting on a rock. She was surprised at how her thoughts were wandering, and in such an illogical fashion. Volleyball? School? High heels? Nightclubs? She really needed to get away from Inuyasha and clear her obviously insane mind. Gather her thoughts.**_

___**Lock myself away**_

_**Inuyasha watched her fearfully. This was a new kind of creature, one he'd never seen. Kind one minute, maniacal and murderous the next. And now, she was pensive, sighing a lot. She turned to him; he flinched.**_

___**Listen to me, I'm not**_

_**"I'm not your Kikyo."**_

___**Although I'm dressed up, out and all with**_

_**Kagome smoothed a wrinkle in her Shinto robes. She pulled her hair out of its tie.**_

___**Everything considered, they forget my name, ame, ame...**_

___Kagome sighed, flicking the hair band at Inuyasha. He jumped, startled. _

_Are you calling me darling?_

_Kagome grabbed her own clothes, still wet and hanging on the tree branch. She didn't care they they were still damp. She was tired of Inuyasha and how he treated her when she was dressed like this._

_Are you calling me bird?_

_Kagome sighed. A bird had left its present for her on her blouse. It appeared that the birds of the Feudal Era and the pigeons in modern Tokyo were the same. Always finding the best targets possible._

_Are you calling me darling?_

___**A meteor fell from the sky, its path guided by the cosmic gods of fate and those crispy cheetos. Not the puffy ones, the cripsy ones. The puffy ones were under jurisdiction of the gods of time. The meteor fell directly on top of Inuyasha, smashing him flatter than tissue paper. Its extreme heat proceeded to burn his remains, searing him like a cheap steak.**_

___Are you calling me bird?_

___Kagome was pelted with shrapnel the size of cannonballs. She exploded. The fragments of her skeleton flew with great force around the globe, even traversing through time. They landed in some smoky dive in London, where the Ting-Tings were playing. They took the smoldering remains of Kagome's bones as an omen from the heavens that their music stank. They gave up music immediately, setting their instruments down and going to the nearest convenience store to apply for jobs as cashiers. _

_Everyone lived happily ever after. Kaede made a memorial to the ill-fated duo; two statues in model of their likenesses. _

_**The statues lasted through the ages. One day in Tokyo, sometime in the 1990s, a woman named Rumiko Takahashi was walking on her lunch break. She saw the statues of Kagome and the half-breed and was hit with sudden inspiration. She had a vision of a tall, noble dog demon. He had long, silver hair, a white kimono, and a pelt over one shoulder. Takahashi knew this was the best idea she'd ever had. Japan would love this, he would be the next phenomenon, and---**_

___Rumiko heard a meow. Aww, a kitten! She abandoned her thoughts and filled her mind and senses with its cuteness. She should make a manga about kittens. _

_She crooned in Japanese to the kitten. "Who's a cute little kitty? I'll call you Mi-Mi!"_

_**The kitten looked up at her. "That's not my name," it meowed. Takahashi fainted. **_

There was scattered applause. Many looked confused, including Musicookie. Sesshomaru stood wordlessly, bowed, and sat back at his desk.

Crickets chirped. Kagome and Inuyasha revived themselves from being dead. They were wide-eyed, blinking a few times.

Myoga yelled at the crickets, "Get outta here, Larry. You too, Milton. Go crash someone else's fanfic."

Larry and Milton hopped away.

Blank expressions watched them as they left.

Musicookie cleared her throat. "Listen, I know the songfic was..." She struggled to find the right word, shaping her lips in a futile attempt to make words come out.

"Let's just call it strange," said Sango.

Naraku shook his head, scoffing. "More like bizarre."

Musicookie nodded. "Bizarre. Mucho bizarre-o. But in my defense, that song didn't give us much to work with. The lyrics were already complete nonsense even before Fluffy and I worked our magic."

Inuyasha have a humorless laugh that sounded like a bark. "Magic! That was just about as magic as bowel movement and gastrointestinal distress. And nothing will cure your so-called 'magic,' not even Tums."

Musicookie raised an eyebrow. "How do you know about Tums?"

Kagome whispered, "Remember all the food he ate at the party a few chapters back?"

Musicookie mouthed a silent "Oh."

Myoga hopped on Musicookie's shoulder. "What amazes me is that the two of you united to kill the characters and end the story on a completely random note."

Sesshormaru hmphed. Musicookie nodded. "It was getting painful to continue. Shess-shey did what he normally does; kill the characters. I decided to join in. Anything was better than continuing that abomination of a song."

Naraku raised a tentacle. "What about me? Did I take over Japan and attain the sacred jewel to bring ultimate evil on the world?"

Musicookie shook her head. "You realized the error of your ways. You surrendered yourself for purification at the hands of Kaede, and you never became a bane to all that is good and benevolent."

"Aw, fiddlesticks!" exclaimed Naraku.

Myoga hopped on Musicookie's keyboard, managing to press the control key and 'v'. The judging form pasted itself for the readers to complete. For the readers to complete. Readers to complete. To complete.

Complete.

Just making that clear.

+---------------------+

Songfic: That's not my name by the Ting-Tings

Assign a 1, 2, or 3 to each one. 1 means low, 2 means average, and 3 means pretty darn good.

-

MUSICOOKIE

Artistic/poety-ness:

Faithfulness to the lyrics/song message:

Grammar:

Pacing:

Emotion:

Further comments:

-

SESSHOMARU

Artistic/poety-ness:

Faithfulness to the lyrics/song message:

Grammar:

Pacing:

Emotion:

Further comments:

+---------------------+

Musicookie smiled and waved at the readers. "Ya'll know what to do!"

Sesshomaru gave a stunning glance at the readers, flicking his hair behind him in an elegant motion.

"Careful, Sess-sho-yo. Don't blind them with your pink eyeliner."

"It's magenta. Ma-gen-ta. And pronounce this Sesshomaru's name correctly."

"Bleh-blow-blah-blue."

"Human, I warn--"

"More-snow-for-you. Set-your-mom's-shoe."

"Puke-a-cookie."

"Peh-poe-pah-poo."

"You-sick-rookie."

_"Fluffy._ Fluffy-pie. Fluffy-chan-a-doodle. Fluff-en-stein. Fluff-sicle."

"Die!"

Musicookie dodged and ran. "Bye!"

--------------------------------

A/N: Yeah, I wrote the beginning of this in class. So, so boring. At least I had my laptop. And sorry this update took a while....And please, please, por favor, si vouz plait, onnegaishimasu, bitte...(in 5 languages, please) fill out the form with the numerical scores like it says. It makes it so much easier to add stuff up. And to answer some questions, these finals have a few rounds yet. I have two more planned, so yeah. Maybe three. Maybe.

In reality, I was considering the opera rap for this, but they say the s word a few times and that's too strong for this story's rating. That song's hilarious and is even more nonsensical than That's not my Name. It's called "The most unwanted song" by Kolar and Melamid, google it. It is in all seriousness a scientific attempt to make the most annoying song ever. They did a study and surveys and stuff, and that song is the result. It made me cry. When I heard it, I was laughing so hard, screaming "No! Nooo!" True story.

I don't apologize for my bashing that song. I just don't like it. As an average person, that song is annoying and tasteless. As a musician, that song is repetitive, talentless, and childishly simple. As a speaker of the English language, that song makes no sense. It's a masterpiece of all things pointless, irritating, and stupid in the world. It really is, I'm not exaggerating, I'm saying that as objectively as I can.

--------------------------------

Review responses! w00teth!

Liesie - I'm honored that you would leave me your fics. I played IY: feudal combat, but once I finished all the story modes, I set it aside. I can only take so much repetitive gameplay (says the girl who has played at least 99 hours of Kingdom hearts and other countless hours with FF7 and FF10). I admire your German. All I can say is "Guten tag, entschuldigung, sprechen sie inglsh, Auf wiedersehn, das wiener schnitztel, und pretzel." I don't get why random words are capitalized in German. Oh, and I can say "schlisse." XD Why is it when you learn a new language, bad words are the first thing you learn, and you remember them? I can cuss in Japanese and Spanish too.

Drama Kagome - Take, Sessy. You can have him. I don't want him, he'd make a terrible husband. I'd be terrified that he'd behead me if I didn't make him breakfast in bed.

sangoworshiper - You filled it out perfectly, thanks! Feudal combat _is_ a mindless fighting game. You're not missing much if you haven't played it. The other one, Secret of the Cursed Mask, is ok if you have patience with fighting all the repetitive battles. Play as the male, do not play as Kaname (unless you are deaf. otherwise, listening to her too long will cause deafness)The storyline is neat, and all the little side stories and voice actor work. Your suggestion gave me an idea, thanks!

Flames Chaos and Wolf - You liked the squeaky toy, eh? I'm got more where that came from. *holds up tennis ball* And Flames, you get this bundle of firewood. You look hungry, have you been eating enough? Chaos, I have for you this daily planner, so you can organize your chaotic life. See? There's a square for each day so you can write appointments and stuff.

hitntr - I actually don't care for songfics either. If I click on one, which is rare in and of itself, I skim over for the content of the story, not the song. If I wanted songs, I'd be listening to Paul (iPod) or surfing youtube. Fanfiction is for my story fix, not my song fix. I know what you mean with the "I'm not into them yet I write them myself" stuff. I love romance fanfics, yet I don't write them myself. Apparently I am only capable of writing random humor, I seriously tried other genres. *whispers* This ficcie right here was made partially because I wanted a medium through which to try my hand at different genres. Yes, this fic was, in part, an experiment. Mua ha ha. *coughs*


	16. FINALS! The Shamw00t!

---------------------------

Chapter 16

Normal font like this the 'reality' in the story.

_Musicookie's lines of the story are in italics._

_**Sesshomaru's lines of the story are in bold italics.**_

Anything underlined is song lyrics.

Final Scoring works differently, we'll add them all up in the end.

Musicookie and Sesshomaru both had 36 points from last chapter. TT_TT What's the point of counting them? They void each other out. The total finals score: Musicookie has 92, Sessy has 93.

-----------------------------

Musicookie opened her laptop, cheerful about today's round. However, an error window appeared on screen, with a lit flashlight rolling back and forth.

Error: "Character Rebellion" file not found.

Musicookie gasped, and clicked "browse." After several minutes of searching in unlikely places, nothing appeared. In a last ditch effort, Musicookie checked the recycle bin. There she found the file. With a sigh, she dragged the file out of the bin. She heard distant curses and screams when her finger slipped on the tracpad.

She grinned evilly. Still "holding" the document with the cursor, she shook the document violently before dropping the document in the document folder, where it should be.

She opened the document. Disheveled characters lay in a pile against the wall, looking grumpy.

Inuyasha attempted to untangle humself from the pile, but couldn't move away for whatever reason.

"Yura, I swear, if you don't quit this--"

Yura of the demon hair cried in protest. "I can't help this! I can't even retract the hairs, they're all knotted!" she despaired.

_Yura and her enchanted skull went bald._

Yura began screaming in protest, holding her bare head and sobbing. The characters got to their feet.

_Yura's hair, and the skull's hair, all grew back and she was happy again with a cupcake in her hand._

Yura smiled with a vacant smile and glazed eyes, eating the cupcake the cupcake.

"Now," said Musicookie. "Why, in heaven's name, was this document in the recycle bin?" She had a few suspicions and looked at the villains.

Naraku was twaddling his thumbs, not meeting Musicookie's gaze.

"Naraku...."

"What!? Don't look at me!"

Musicookie looked at her watch and sighed. Every character seated themselves and made themselves comfortable.

Naraku looked confused. "What's everybody doing?"

Musicookie smiled patiently. "Just give it a second. All villains in games, tv, manga -- whatever -- feel this unexplainable, compulsory need to explain their diabolical plans at one point or another."

Naraku shook his head. "Lies! I am not like other villains! I am superior! Superior!"

30 seconds ticked by in silence. Musicookie hummed a little song.

Naraku twitched, then fell to his knees. What followed was a glimpse of Naraku's madness.

"Ok, I can't take it! I hacked the tracpad controls and dragged the file to the recycle bin in an effort to destroy Inuyasha and Kikyo and all my other enemies! Oh, I hate them so much! They're practically stalkers! Can't they ever leave me alone and mind their own beeswax? I just want to become overlord of the world in peace, but they don't even allow me that! Grrargh! But anyway, I didn't plan it right! I couldn't myself leave the document, so I also dragged myself into the bin as well!"

Naraku lamented, shoulders shaking with repressed emotion. Musicookie laughed. "That wasn't well thought out, pal."

Naraku nodded slowly, tears streaming down his pale, dead-looking cheeks. Musicookie pitied him, patting his greasy hair and giving him a large, spiral lollipop.

"And then you shook us," said Naraku, with wide, teary anime eyes. Musicookie felt her heart melt. Anime eyes were her one weakness, second only to her puppy's cuteness.

Inuyasha strode forward. "Yeah! What the heck was up with that, Musicookie?!"

Kagura held the creepy Hakudoshi baby in her arms to Musicookie. "Yes! Don't you know you're not supposed to shake babies?!"

Musicookie sighed. "Hakudoshi-baby, answer me this: What is the capital of Honduras?"

"Tegucigalpa."

"If you're in a race, and you pass the person in second place, what place are you in now?"

Hakudoshi-baby's brow furrowed. It was creepy, watching a baby think.

"Second place."

"What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?"

The baby shrugged his wee little shoulders.

"A flat minor."

"HA! Hahaha! lol!" said Haku-baby, giggling. "A flat miner!"

"There you go. Rote memory, problem-solving skills, and humor are all in perfect condition. You have no brain damage. Wait, are you even a baby? Aren't you some sort of weird Naraku spawn?"

Hakudoshi-baby scoffed. "They say I'm Naraku's heart, but I honestly think I'm his brain. Seriously, that "plan" (the baby did air quote motions with his tiny baby fingers--completely bizarre to see) Naraku enacted just earlier was completely idiotic."

Musicookie nodded. "Indeed." Naraku sobbed harder.

Myoga cleared his throat, signaling as always the story getting back on track and actually achieving something.

"Naraku, were you ever in second grade?" asked Myoga.

Hakudoshi-baby scoffed. "Schooling? I thought we already established that Naraku's intelligence is comparable to a tuna fish sandwich."

Musicookie smiled. "Aww, someone's getting grumpy! Is your diaper full?"

"Shut up! You won't be smiling as you watch me destroy your world and all you hold dear!!!"

"Somebody needs a nappie... Time for beddy-bye!"

"No, you disgusting human! Get your slimy fingers away from that keyboard... No, wait!"

_Hakudoshi-baby fell asleep, and remained that way for hours on end._

Kagura sighed with relief. "Finally! Anyone know have a dumpster I can toss him in?"

Myoga sighed. He pulled a giant tylenol from his flea pocket. It was as big as him. He broke off a chunk and swallowed it in one gulp.

"Seriously. Naraku, were you ever in second grade?"

Naraku nodded. "I could write my name better than any of those nasty little classmates of mine."

"Well, today's challenge comes from a memory of Musicookie's. There were these books written in second-person perspective, and you chose the outcome. The book would direct you to different page numbers with different endings depending on what you chose. For today's challenge, we will allow Rin to select changes in plot, and you two will have to accommodate on the fly. Got it?"

Musicookie nodded. Sesshomaru, who was slightly miffed that a character as important as him appeared so late in the chapter, without even a mention anytime before this moment, nodded. Musicookie chuckled. Sessy was such a baby sometimes. Plus, typing borderline coherent run-on sentences and stretching English syntax to its breaking point was fun.

"Begin!"

_Koga strolled through the aisles of the supermarket, passing shelves filled with colorful labels. The products screamed with gimmicks to catch your attention, suck you in, and buy things. Koga, powerful demon he was, was also subject to the advertisement psychology._

_He was here to buy the Sham-w00t. _

_It was the coolest product ever invented--a super absorbent yellow rag that could hold 15 times its weight in liquid. One night, Koga stayed up very late. He had drank too many double shot expressos and energy drinks throughout the day. He flipped on the TV, and the Sham-w00t had captivated him from the start. _

_Koga immediately went to the 24-hour convenience store. It was 3:30 in the morning. This is the shift where they schedule vampires or extremely unfortunate normal people. _

_But Koga didn't care about anything like suffering emloyees. His mind was focused on the Sham-w00t and obtaining it's splendiferously absorbent folds of fabric all for himself. _

_And now he was here. He'd found it. _

_The Sham-w00t. It was finally his._

_He seized it with reverence. Walking to the checkout to buy it, he felt in his pockets for his wallet. He stopped, confused._

_It wasn't there. Koga had no money with which to buy the Sham-w00t._

_Koga began whimpering pathetically, completely falling apart inside. He needed the Sham-w00t, the commercial told him so. He needed it. The annoying man in the commercial told him so. He had to be completely ecstatic like the actors in the Sham-woot commercial too. He wanted to be able to spill an entire pot of coffee and have the assurance he could clean it up. _

_He needed it. And he needed it now. He was desperate. Should he steal it? Or should he go home, get his wallet, and come back?_

"Steal it!" giggled Rin.

_**Koga's eyes darted frantically around. Paranoia was visible in his blootshot, sleep-deprived eyes. **_

_**Yes, other customers would see, other customers would want the Sham-w00t for themselves. They were enemies. Koga had to keep the Sham-w00t out of their dirty, thieving hands at all costs. **_

_**An elderly woman hobbled by, nodding feebly at Koga. Koga swore he saw a flash of envy in her large eyes, magnified by her thick glasses. And she was probably stashing combat weapons in her embroidered vest with "I love my cats" and paw prints stitched all over. **_

_**Koga made his decision in an instant. He'd take the Sham-w00t and make a break for it. **_

_**Koga casually walked to the exit, shoving the Sham-w00t in his shirt. He whistled a little ditty. **_

_**An employee was coming towards him. He looked very tired, with dark circles under his eyes.**_

_**"Excuse me, but--"**_

_**Koga shuddered. "What! What do you want with me!?!" he shouted.**_

_**His voice echoed around the empty convenience store. The few customers and employees there were looked at him sleepily and curiously.**_

_**The employee sighed. Whoever worked the graveyard shifts always got the freaks. **_

_**"Do you need help finding anything?"**_

_**Koga wasn't sure what to do. Should he assault the employee and run, or smooth-talk/lie his way out of this?**_

__"Smooth talk!" cried Rin.

_" Erm, how are you this fine morning?"_

_The employee shrugged. "I'd rather be at home in bed, but tell that to my boss."_

_"Oh, does he not listen well?"_

_The employee nodded emphatically. "I told him I was putting in my two weeks. It was like talking to a wall. I don't think he even heard me."_

_"I could talk to him for you. I'll come back later today."_

_"You'd do that for me? Thanks! My name's James, by the way. What's yours?"_

_"Timothy," said Koga. _

_James held out his hand for Koga to shake. Koga extended his arm, and the Sham-w00t fell out of his shirt and onto the floor. James looked down at it. So did Koga. _

_What should Koga do? Assault James, or keep looking at the Sham-w00t?_

"Keep looking at it!"

_**Koga examined the colors on the label. "As Seen On TV!" said the label. And the yellow was such an interesting color, the same color as a manilla envelope you sent documents in. **_

_**James asked, "Why did that fall out of your shirt?"**_

_**"Gravity," said Koga. "Gravity pulled it to the ground."**_

_**"No, I meant why was it in your shirt?"**_

_**Wordlessly, Koga stooped over and picked it up. He looked furtively at James, then chose to make his move. Koga shoved James to the ground and ran for the doors.**_

_**"Timothy! Give that back!"**_

_**Koga was already gone. He cradled the Sham-w00t in his arms as he was sprinting. He lamented that the dirt on the floor had dirtied his precious Sham-w00t. **_

_**He heard footsteps. He was being chased by a security guard. **_

_**Koga was already almost to his apartment building. Just a little further. But the security guard was faster than he looked, and was gaining. **_

_**Koga wanted to go home, but didn't want to alert the guard to where he lived. On the other hand, he really, really wanted to go home so he could spill stuff and use the Sham-w00t on it. **_

_**Should Koga go to his apartment or duck into a side alleyway to lose his pursuer?**_

__"Side alleyway!"

_With a roll, Koga threw himself into a dark alley. The brick walls were damp and tall, and a stray dog sniffed at a trashcan._

_Within a few minutes of running, he lost the security guard in a maze of sharp turns and vaulted fences. _

_Koga sighed with relief and hugged his Sham-w00t. Koga decided to name it Ryan. _

_Music he hadn't noticed before reached his ears. There was an underground bar of some sort, the kind of place that just screamed "illegal!" Red lights went off in Koga's head._

_Should he go in or go home?_

"Go in, of course," said Rin. "Who wouldn't?"

_**He stepped inside, and stale cigarette smoke nearly knocked him unconscious. The light was very dim, and the music came from a bluegrass band whose members swayed where they stood. Their music was accompanied by the cracks of pool sticks and the sound of billiard balls knocking against each other. **_

_**Koga was eyed suspiciously by the bar's patrons. But he was high on the endorphins of success and didn't seem to notice or care. He made his way to the bar. Carefully wedging himself between two hulking motorcyclers, he said, "Can I have some water?"**_

_**The bartender looked at Koga from underneath his sunglasses and raised a heavily pierced eyebrow. Koga wondered why the man wore sunglasses when it was night. **_

_**Koga took his water, and without warning, dumped it across the counter. The bikers on either side of him bellowed in protest like agitated bulls.**_

_**"What d'ya think you're doin', punk?!"**_

_**"Yeah, punk?!" The one on the left cracked his knuckles. Koga nervously spotted bronze knuckles glinting at him from the left thug's fist. **_

_**Koga said, "Only demonstrating the use of the best product invented since aerosol cheese!" Whipping out Ryan, he applied Ryan's fuzzy and precious folds to the grimy counter, soaking up every droplet of the water.**_

_**Koga ran his finger where the puddle had been moments before. "And that, my dear gentlemen, is the power of the Sham-w00t. Impressed, no?"**_

_**The biker men contorted their faces in thought. It looked like an effort. They appeared to be deciding if they were impressed, or angry at Koga's cockiness. **_

__"They were impressed!" cried Rin.

_The thug on the right mimed Koga's motion, running his thick finger on the counter. He held it up. "Dry."_

_"Hey, little man, that's pretty dandy." said the one on the left. _

_Koga allowed himself a maniacal grin. "And it's mine, all mine!" He began cackling, a wild gleam in his eyes._

_One of the thugs knocked his drink over. "Let me see that rag, pal."_

_"No!" cried Koga, frantically. "It's mine!"_

_The thug said, "Hey, little man, didn't your mommy ever teach you to share? Gimme the rag, punk!"_

_Koga jumped to his feet, clutching Ryan to his chest. The biker men stood as well. They were very tall, Koga was dismayed to discover. _

_"You aren't very nice, little man."_

_"We should teach you some rules --some discipline."_

_The slightly glazed eyes of the thug flicked around the room and fell upon the pool tables. They also saw the door. What would they make Koga do?_

"Pool tables!" said Rin. This was fun for her.

_**"We challenge you to a game of pool, little man. If you win, we don't crack your head open. If you lose, we crack your head open and take your stupid little rag."**_

_**Koga was simultaneously furious and very afraid. Who cared about his head; they wanted Ryan!**_

_**Koga carefully folded Ryan and put him in his pocket. He had no idea to play pool. It seemed pointless to hit little balls so they'd roll into holes. **_

_**He picked up a pool stick, estimating its strength and speed if it were to, say, be brought down quickly against a tall angry man. The balance was off and the wood appeared weak. Koga decided otherwise and picked up the cue ball. **_

_**Hmm. It was hard and heavy. It would work quite well. **_

_**He began lobbing billiard balls at the two men and any others who came to their aid. Glasses and bottles shattered, and people shielded their heads with their arms. They began to fight amongst themselves. How easily humans choose violence, and many times they do not even realize why they brawl. **_

_**In the confusion, one of the thugs lunged at Koga, seizing his leg. His thick fingers scrabbled at Koga, and they found the soft, damp fabric of the Sham-w00t. Would the thug be able to snatch Ryan, or would his fingers slip as a billiard ball landed on his toe?**_

__"He'd get it!"

_Koga let loose a cry of rage as the biker man took Ryan. Took his Ryan. _

_Koga dove for the man. A bottle shattered against his chest, which bled freely. Koga pushed away the pain with one insane yet focusing thought; he wanted his Sham-w00t back. He didn't steal it just so he could lose it now._

_The chaos coalesced around Koga as the growing scuffle approached. Koga ignored all, his eyes never leaving that little yellow patch of color._

_Koga stumbled, and in a moment of comedy brilliance, used his two fingers to poke the biker man in his eyes as they fell. The biker's fingers loosened their grubby hold on Ryan, and Koga took his Ryan back with a cackle of glee. He extricated himself from the tangle of flailing limbs and thrown punches. _

_The path to the door was relatively clear. Angry shouts bade him farewell as he stumbled outside. The cool night air greeted him. _

_Koga ran away, panting yet full of bliss. His Sham-w00t was ok. _

_His chest, however, was not. He felt lightheaded as each heartbeat pumped more blood out of the wound._

_**In a moment of inspiration, he pressed Ryan to the wound. In delight, Koga saw how it soaked up all the blood. Why, it was even drawing more blood out of the wound.**_

_**No wait, that was a bad thing.**_

_**But it was too late. The Sham-w00t had done its job too well. Koga felt himself losing consciousness. Tears leaked from his eyes.**_

_**But they were tears of joy. In complete happiness, he thought, "Wow, the Sham-w00t holds so much liquid! So much! It's so beautiful! How blessed I am to have owned one!"**_

_**His only regret was that he wanted to know how much liquid Ryan held. One liter? Two liters?**_

_**It was a question that would torment him for all eternity. **_

__Koga stood up, flinging the rag from him. "Yuck! It's dripping all over me! Whoa!" Koga swayed until Musicookie typed more blood in him and healed his wound.

"That was a weird one," said Musicookie. "Really ironic ending there, Sessy. His beloved rag ended up killing him."

Sesshomaru nodded, and typed himself up a Sham-w00t. His slim fingers ran over the yellow fabric, inspecting it.

"This is not an unremarkable rag."

Musicookie blinked. Not unremarkable? Double negative -- that meant remarkable. She was appalled. Sesshomaru had just complimented something.

"What makes you say that, Sesshomaru?" she asked.

"Imagine the quantity of blood this could hold. Battlefields and battlefields of blood..."

Musicookie typed the rag away. "No, no killing people, you demented ball of fluff."

She looked at the readers. "The form I told people to copy and paste was just annoying and inconvenient for them, though you wouldn't believe how easy it made it to tally up scores."

"Today, judging will be easier. You have seven (7) points to award to us authors. You can divide them between Sesshomaru and I however you like. Like, you can give me 5 and him 2, or me 1 and him 6. Whatever you feel we deserve."

Sesshomaru glared at Musicookie.

"What? What are you angry about? Is it because I stopped you from killing people?"

"The Sham-w00t was mine."

"Sweet Heavens to Betsy, you're just like Koga in the story! It's just a rag! Get over it."

Suddenly Musicookie began laughing. "I have an idea. I'll give it back, but only if you let me make clothes for you out of the fabric."

"The Sham-w00t _is _made of very soft fabric... And the yellow would bring out my eyes most brilliantly..."

"So that's a yes? Ok." She typed Sesshomaru into new robes made of the Sham-w00t fabric. Without warning, she typed up a garden hose. Laughing evilly, she turned the hose on Sesshomaru, mercilessly spraying him with water.

Sesshomaru was furious. Yet completely dry.

His claws glowed a menacing green. Musicookie took that as her cue to leave.

"See ya!"

---------------------------------

A/N: *kicks self in rear* I need to discipline myself into writing again. I've fallen out of the habit of writing fanfics, and I feel sorry for people who put my stories on alert. Nothing much is new with me. I'm doing a lot of music for my youtube channel. Username is Adesadi, if anyone is interested.

And my grandmother is coming to visit this month. This is a bizarre occurrence. My family hasn't seen her in years. Man, when did I see her last? Maybe 4 or 5 years ago. She was never meant to be a parent. She just doesn't know how or what to do. This is gonna be the most awkward family visit ever, especially considering she's divorced with my grandpa, who lives just down the street from us. She's actually visiting. I just can't wrap my mind around that. All of you who have grandmothers who are nice and love you and bake you cookies -- cherish them. You're lucky.

--------------------------------

Review responses! All of you, thanks for reviewing! Next chap will probably be the last cuz I'm out of ideas. All good things must come to an end. Super finale explosion!

Drama Kagome - Breakfast in bed? What does he give you, severed demon heads? Kidding aside, Sessy strikes me as an omelet kind of guy.

hitntr - Hello! I think fic genre writing depends on your mood. I wrote the ending of today's chappie and I was serious (therefore Koga died a bloody death). Later, I had to go through again and insert funniness. I usually write most coherently in the morning, and most humorously in the evening or late at night.

Amurella - Bizarre sums up this whole fic. I like the word 'bizarre.' Basque in origin. Such an old language, Basque/Euskeran is....

Flames Chaos and Wolf - Typing your penname is epicness. It's like an honored title than pwns virtually every other penname I've read. Flames, Chaos, and Wolf! I hear a trumpet fanfare. And must you explode everything you touch?

Sassybratt - Man, I hate that song. But I love randomness. Well thought out randomness can salvage virtually any story.


End file.
